Episode #96 You’re Not Failing—You’re Missing a Step

What if the behavior you’re struggling with isn’t the real problem?

While training Denny, our yearling mustang, I realized how much working with a young horse feels like parenting: everyone has advice, nothing works for every individual, and you are often learning what to do while trying to teach someone else.

In this episode, I’m sharing the moments that made me wonder whether I had taken on more than I could handle—and the lessons that completely changed how I worked with Denny and my kids.

After getting support from horsewomen Amy Budd and Kayla Stone, I began to see what I had been missing. I was becoming so focused on completing the task that I was losing connection with the horse in front of me. I was expecting results without breaking the task into the small skills required to succeed. And sometimes, what looked like resistance was actually fear, confusion, limited capacity, or completely normal behavior for her age.

The same thing happens in parenting—and in our own lives.

We expect ourselves and our children to complete the whole task, regulate the big emotion, follow the direction, or handle the hard situation. But sometimes there is a missing step no one has identified or taught yet.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why connection can disappear when we become overly focused on the outcome
• How unclear communication creates frustration for both parents and children
• Why behavior may be a sign of fear, confusion, or exceeded capacity
• How to break overwhelming tasks into smaller, achievable steps
• Why celebrating micro-successes builds confidence and understanding
• How breaks prevent stress from continuing to accumulate
• What horses can teach us about attention, presence, and co-regulation
• Why age-appropriate expectations matter for children, animals, and adults
• How letting go of your agenda can create more progress—not less

You’ll also hear the story of Denny learning to cross a bridge, the surprising way my eight-year-old helped her do it, and what that moment taught me about curiosity, patience, and allowing someone to learn through experience.

You do not always need to push harder.

Sometimes you need to pause, reconnect, clarify the next step, and ask:

Does this person actually know how to do every part of what I’m asking?

Because when someone is missing a step, they cannot succeed through pressure alone.

And when we stop treating every struggle like defiance or failure, we create room for learning, confidence, connection, and real progress.

Topics discussed in this episode:

Parenting stress, child behavior, emotional regulation, nervous system regulation, co-regulation, parenting preteens, parenting strong-willed children, mustang training, horse training, liberty work, capacity, fight-or-flight responses, experiential learning, breaking down tasks, communication with children, age-appropriate expectations, and building trust.

Follow Landy on Instagram at @landy_peek to see Denny’s mustang-training journey and the moments behind the podcast.