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Welcome the Landy Peak podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling, happiness, deep connections, and self-discovery. Together, we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now, let's dive into today's episode.
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There's a role so women slip into without even realizing it. The one who holds it all together, the one who tracks everyone's emotions, the one who anticipates needs, smooth edges, keeps the family moving, and quietly convinces herself, this is what it just looks like in adult life. But at some point, something shifts. You realize holding everything together may not be helping the people you love as much as you thought. It may actually be exhausting you and keeping them from stepping into their own strength.
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. This is Landy Peak. And today I'm joined by Christina Fletcher, a spiritual alignment coach and energy healer known for her practical grounded approach to self-awareness. She helps women move out of overwhelm and over-functioning by reconnecting with themselves in real time so they can fully show up without losing who they are.
in the process. Christine and I have a conversation about self-awareness, parenting, nervous system stability, and what it looks like to stop over-functioning without shutting down your heart. We talk about the roles we take on, the stories we inherit, the moments our kids invite us to grow, and the quiet freedom that comes when you realize it was never your job to carry everyone anyway. This is an incredible conversation, and I'm so excited for you to hear it, so let's dive in.
I want to welcome Christina Fletcher to the Landy Peak podcast. Christina, welcome. Can you share a little bit about yourself so the listener can get to know you? Absolutely. Hi, it's great to be on the show. So I'm Christina Fletcher. I am a spiritual alignment coach and energy healer. I always say that I'm most passionate about practical spirituality. So making sure that you have the tools to get spirituality off of the shelf and really dive deep into yourself every day.
My work is often termed as showing up whole. It's really about making sure that you bring all of yourself to every moment. ⁓ I started off actually as a conscious parent coach. So I started off in spiritually aware parenting and then slowly moved into taking all of those tools that I had of, you know, the chaos of parenting, the scrambledness and panic, sense of feeling like you're out of your comfort zone, which children do.
And as my children grew, then I discovered tools to help myself connect with them myself during those chaotic moments. And then I took all of those tools and moved them into everyday chaos outside of parenting as well. So now I love to work with women who are feeling totally overwhelmed and spread thin and like they're trying to meet everybody's needs, trying to live a different version of themselves and the one that the world tells them they should be.
And instead help them really reconnect to who they really are, show up as themselves and shine out their light. Cause that's what everyone is here to do. Yeah. my gosh. I love that so much. and I think one of the things that I loved when we first connected was the idea of living in our whole and bringing spirituality into the day to day where that can feel overwhelming. At least for me, a lot of times.
the work that I want to do, taking that extra moment for me is the first thing that goes when life gets chaotic, when kids are having difficulties and we are having big emotions that are coming through. It's like, okay, I'm band-dating me so that I can really support them, but then I'm like drying up and I no longer have that space. So can you really like tune in, tap into how do we bring this
into a day-to-day practice when it feels big and overwhelming. Yeah. Well, I mean, think you already tiptoed into it, right, with the fact that when we are serving everybody else, and I do say serving, because we are trained, especially as women, to be giving all ourselves, and that's supposed to be our identity. It's like we are the ones that hold everything together. And it doesn't matter if we run out of glue. We will find that way of band-aiding ourselves together so that we hold everything together.
And something that I work on a lot with my clients is firing ourselves from that role or firing ourselves from the roles in our lives so that we actually are just showing up as ourselves and knowing that that's actually enough. But you're right. The first thing that anyone takes off of their to-do list is what's known as self-care, right? And, and I mean, honestly, I can be guilty of that too. I can be the first one that says, ⁓ shoot. Okay. So I don't, I might have to like.
forgo my yoga today and do a quick this and this tweak. But the thing is, is that self-care when you break down to it is really about caring for yourself. So it's really about that observation card that we so often forget. You know, we do self-care hits a to-do list and that's not what this is meant to be. It's not meant to be a to-do list item. You don't care for yourself.
for 15 minutes and then forget about yourself the rest of the day. It needs to be a continual observation. So that leads into kind of retraining ourselves to be checking in with ourselves on a continual basis. How am I feeling? Like, you know, am I feeling disconnected from who myself right now? I, is my nervous system triggered? I mean, I always start with nervous system regulation because it's like, we have to know what that feels like in our bodies. When all of a sudden you're
standing in the grocery store and you're all of sudden feeling that hyper hyperventilation of my goodness I actually am feeling like a panic attack coming on and I'm feeling really stressed or I'm feeling my mind going all over the place. It's observing yourself in that moment and actually saying okay so call myself back, ground my energy, ⁓ center, focus on five things that I can appreciate, focus on my breath for two minutes. That's self-care.
That's self-regulation. That is actually fueling yourself up. When you observe yourself, when you're in touch with yourself, when you're continually checking in with yourself on a regular basis, the long self-care to-do list check, that becomes a luxury. That becomes a great, I get to refuel. I get that half hour bath. Yay. Isn't that wonderful? That's really enjoyable versus thank God I really needed that.
The I need it is filled with the, took five breaths while I was waiting at the traffic light, or I can pull out this simple tool to make sure that I'm regulated or grounded or connected or my heart's okay. It's those types of things. It's self-awareness. Right. Yeah. And I think self-awareness is so key and we're so hyper aware of everybody else.
And I love Kate Northrip's language around the thermometer and the thermostat because we are being the thermometer constantly reading how all everybody else in our life is doing. And then we are shifting our own selves to try to help them come back to where they need to be versus where the thermostat we're setting that I am 72 and they can be shooting up or coming down or whatever's going on, but I'm going to be 72 and I'm going to work with me.
to get myself back to, cause we're still going to fluctuate, but get myself back to that kind of baseline of I'm okay. is it. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, it's a fascinating thing. I think, you know, when you've been a mom and you've watched yourself run that balance. And then, I mean, I don't know about your audience, but I know like for myself, when I started hitting perimenopause and I started having, I could feel myself shift into different things. And I went, ⁓
This is actually really exciting because suddenly I have to have that extra card in of really getting curious about myself and observing myself and asking myself what I actually need. Suddenly I am my child. Like, you know, suddenly it's like my needs actually take a totally different turn. It's not, I need to fulfill my needs so I'm more present for other people. It's more, I have to fulfill my needs in order to actually be whole in myself.
for no other reason than it's just so much better. It's a totally different shift. And I think that, you know, we talk a lot about getting older and there's always this kind of hesitation. People forget the golden moment of that. It's like, no, you don't actually just need to take care of yourself to serve others. You're taking care of yourself because that's who you are here to be. And this is the most exciting part of life is actually showing up as yourself. So, it's, there's...
There's these golden moments where you actually identify, you know, and actually being me does take work. actually do have to be listening and observing, but this is who I am. This is what the whole point is. So yeah, it's exciting. It is exciting and terrifying at the same time as a lot of times with Peri Menopause, we're really having like spotlight shining on us in like, okay. I no longer have the extra resources to be able to serve everyone else.
And it's kind of like, okay, you didn't pay attention to yourself in your 20s and your 30s. And now you're in your 40s and here it is. You have to because if you don't, then your symptoms get worse and we need to focus on this. And it is this space where it's at least for me, like it is pulling away the veil. And it's like, oh, this is who I am. And this is where I need to step into. And the strong desires to be like, I don't like this anymore. Like I am, and I...
like I'm Marie Kondo-ing my life and like, that doesn't make me happy, it's gone. That doesn't make me happy, it's gone. That doesn't make me it's gone. And it's coming back to the things that really are making me happy, but that's coming into your observing, observing what's coming up and saying, I have a lot of tension, stress when I'm doing this. It's to go, this feels really easy and fun and joyful.
I want to do more of this and it's giving myself permission to, say it's okay to let that go, even though it's a good, I'm going to focus on this, even though I can't quite figure out the reason and how this is going to shift in my life and how I'm going to make this happen. I'm still doing it. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I find it fascinating too, to observe the patterns that we pick up. I mean, I've been a mom since I was 23, right? So even I kind of always.
think on that of kind of going, you my brain, our brains don't really establish and like fixate until like 25, 26. So therefore navigating other people's needs and putting other people before me happened way before my brain was even fully developed. So therefore it was developed along that whole concept. Now my daughter, like my eldest is 23 now, and you know, she was just out for her holiday break.
And I was like, this is so interesting because my brain would love for me to keep kind of running around her, putting herself, like putting her first, putting all these needs first. And my other two children is the same thing. It's like navigating them, thinking about them. And all of a sudden I'm retraining my brain to be like, actually, this is fine. They are autonomous in themselves. I'm not going to be them.
I'm not going to be the mom that wakes up in the middle of the night worrying about them or gives them all my energy anymore. It's my turn. So it's like a retraining too, but that comes with that observation of selves, right? Where you actually go, yeah, that's actually not good for my heart. Actually, a worry is not a good thing for me. I'm not really signed up for that. My brain might be trained for that. My nervous system might like to keep track of those kinds of things, but no. For me, for me, no.
My heart wants to just enjoy life and to wish everybody well and to send them love. And they know that I'm sending angels to them all the time anyway. Right. It's not my job. It's the angels job. I mean, I am so similar in that, calling angels and as I do that for my kids and for myself, like, this like, well, okay. Then it's not my work. It's not my job. I've, I've called.
and they can handle it. And as I, and my kids are still young, I have eight and 11. But I still like, was over-functioning for my husband, over-functioning for my kiddos, calling angels has helped. And also that awareness of, wait, I'm almost, and I'm gonna take out almost, I am disempowering them because I am overstepping. Because it's easy to be like,
Ooh, I'm gonna take care of everything. I'm gonna emotionally regulate for everyone. And as I stepped back and it was a forced step back with perimenopause in like, I just can't function like this anymore. Like something has to change. Absolutely. I saw how much everyone was more empowered and stepping up. And I didn't even realize I was disempowering and creating a system that overly relied on me when they can easily do it.
Absolutely. Well, and there's something that happens. mean, even when I was, you know, when my kids were younger and I just kind of embarked into like conscious parent coaching and, and, and my initial work in parenting, the most empowering thing was when I actually sat with my kids and realized, that's funny. It's not my job to make you happy. Yeah. And I was like, ⁓ but then it was also, ⁓ but it's also, you're not, it's not your job to make me happy. Hmm.
that's interesting. Because I think that's, that's where so often parenting goes. It's like your behavior is making me unhappy right now. So therefore fix it. And suddenly the control angle is like, it's this odd distortion of relationships, right? Where, and that was again, where also the concept of, well, fire yourself from some role of being a mom that we're, we're in charge of other people's behavior suddenly.
No, we can show them like how this doesn't work and what society will teach them of this and how, know, if they go around hitting people, people aren't going to want to play with them because that's just natural. But, you know, they don't want to do that when they're older because that really doesn't go down well. We can offer that, but it's not a reflection on me and it's not a it's it's everyone has their own choices. So there's this.
stretching of all of a sudden giving each our children, no matter even if they're really young, autonomy, helping them figure out this is who you are. This is how this will go. These are the results from my I've been here on this planet a little longer than you. So from my experience, this is what I figured out. You can take it or leave it as you go. But it turns into this different type of relationship versus these roles that we love to carry. And there's so much freedom in that.
And I mean, again, yeah, calling in the angels, 100%. I always call it co-parenting with the universe where you actually, I don't know how many times I've been in a parenting crux where you're all of a just like, I have no solutions for this and they're really not doing well and I don't know what I'm going to do. And then I finally just said, take care of it. And the next day it's always better. And I'm like, okay, you know what? This was not my job.
Yes, oh my God, yes, and there's a solution that everybody needed. I think one of the biggest ahas for me is just like you realizing that they are on their own journey and it is allowing them, I mean, I can be a support, I can be somebody that is going to hold and hug and love when rough things happen in the universe for them, but it is their journey.
And it is not mine to over control, to step in, to keep them in a bubble so that nothing bad ever happens. And I would love to protect them from all that. And that's not possible. No. And the only thing that we can do is ever we can be the example, right? Like we can all we can do is I mean, I'm I'm a big.
I remember once talking to my daughter, she was about 14 and we were playing some card game or something. And was like one of those parent children card games, which I don't know. They're pretty like, I'm always like, these sound a little dangerous. I don't know if I actually want to go in here, but still one of them was like, what was the best thing that your parents ever taught you? And she was like, law of attraction, a percent law of attraction. That just, that changed everything. And I was fascinated because it wasn't like, it was something that we naturally.
talked about. This was like embedded in their childhoods. Like, you know, we are magnets, we attract what we put out, we hold up giant signs of the universe based on how we're feeling and things. ⁓ But she really had taken it in. And that's how we become the example, right? It's like what we believe in, what we, ⁓ how we act, ⁓ our sense of integrity, what we talk about as important to us.
Again, weaving in self-care. It's like observing ourselves. I mean, when I first started, like they were about three or four when I really started leaning into it. And I would be like, Hey, actually, you know what? I need to go meditate. And after them kind of watching me for a week, meditate, they'd literally be like, mom, you need to go meditate. Cause they knew they wanted me to meditate. And slowly that became part of their world, their environment. These are the things that we can pass on. These are the tools that we can say.
when things go badly, when they're in a bad space and everything's going wrong for them, we can say, see, this is why, why I have kind of recommended doing this and this and this. So this doesn't happen. Or this is why you see me doing this and this, because then you can do it on the unfolding of it happens differently. So you can stretch it to that way, but you can't tell people who they need to be. No, and we are resourcing ourselves.
Like we are then the model for like, see it in, especially my daughter who's 11, like as I have really focused on me and giving myself space and really making sure I'm okay and looking at what my nervous system needs. And it feels really selfish when I first started, but I'm also seeing my daughter who is looking at and requesting things for herself.
She had a really, ⁓ she was in a play. It was a packed weekend, four productions over the weekend. It was crazy. And then we had family in town to come and see her. And so Monday rolls around and she's like, mom, I really need to take a day to sleep. And I'm like, okay, we'll skip school. Really? She did. She slept in, she slept late, she stayed in her room. amazing. Did some reading.
really kind of building that resource back up instead of just like, I am so drained. I have not slept. I am going to push on and it was her being able to identify and then she was able to go to school and you know, she's back at school and doing cool. Yeah, but it's her being able to recognize this is what I need and not just push on and me being able to honor that. I was just going to say that part of
Parenting is like, but everybody says you have to go to school unless you're like, throw up or have a fever. And it's like, no, she really needed this and there was no space to recover. And she's an introvert. So she really does need space for herself. And we recognize that and build that into our schedule now that she needs alone time. And if that means she's not eating dinner at the table with the rest of us because she really needs that alone time, we're honoring and giving that.
But without this awareness and renegotiating my own stories and beliefs around parenting, we wouldn't be able to honor what she needs. absolutely. And I think that's a really, like that's the kingpin, it? It's like having, giving yourself permission and also the bravery to actually start poking around your own structures of beliefs.
You know, because we all have them. all have these kinds of things that we're, we're given a box of all our shoulds at birth, right? It's like what society tells you you should do, what your family tells you you should do. Your mom's voice is always in your head. It's always there. And no matter how great everybody tried to do their best, it still stands that certain things might not align to you. So you have to go into that box. You have to be able to pull it out and go, but, but wait, who do I want to be?
What is a successful mom? What is a successful wife in my mind? Like as myself, what do these relationships mean? And what does that look like? How do I want that to navigate? What is really important to me as a person? You know, I mean, when you were talking to about like taking a break, something that I discovered along the way, was human design. don't know if you know human design, love human design, because all of a sudden you go.
wait a second as a, like, I'm a projector and as a projector, you know, I'm like, actually it is actually, I have to listen to those calls to go take a break and go lie down. That's okay. There you go. I will peek and that's what I have to do. And you listen to these different things and all of a sudden you go, they might not match what society tells you. Right. Good for you. Go for it. And it's having more voices like you're saying good for you. Go for it.
because a lot of us have had the upbringing where it's like we need to really mold ourselves into society and stepping against it and saying, you know what, it's okay. And talking to my daughter about like, as she went to school the next day, it was like, what do I tell people? And it's like, it's none of their business. You can tell them I was out. I didn't feel well, I needed sleep. You can say whatever you want and you can say nothing at all. But it's that societal,
like expectation that we need to have an excuse and it needs to fit in the in the box that checks the mark. Instead of like whatever you're comfortable saying, you get to say. Absolutely. Yeah. And you know, like I think if there's one lesson that I think I came to learn on this planet, I think it's probably that because I swear there's been so many times throughout my entire life that I've just been like, and nope, can't fit in that box either. Nope. Can't fit.
that one's not going to work. Okay. I spent so much time, I think in my life, not fitting in that finally, I think it's like, actually that's in a lot of ways what all of us should do. It's amazing how often you meet people who, who feel like they don't fit in and that they have to trim their edges in order to try to fit in.
And I'd really love to know the person who actually feels like, no, no, no. Like society matches me totally. Like this is like, where are those people? Cause is anyone feeling that way? Like, please, anyone listening to this, please just say it because comment, let us know. No, no, no. Society is totally what checks my box. Society has been, is, is that, you know, it is that round hole that everybody has to chisel their edges off to make sure that we fit in and that, and you have to ask.
Is it, is everything really going to fall apart if we actually decide to show up as ourselves? I really don't think it is. Like, I think it'll be fine. And you know, yeah, sometimes that means that there will be the person who feels the inner calling to be the garbage man. That's okay. Everything will be met. Everything, everything will fall into place. But there is a, a ⁓ sole responsibility that we are show up as ourselves, that we actually do make sure that we.
come with all the edges because it's what we're here for. So yeah, go for it. Do it. And I want people to really hear that. Go for it. Do it. Because so many of us, and as a parent, I think it highlighted more. didn't realize how much I was shaving off my edges. I love that visual in my whole entire life until I really saw my kiddos as they hit school age and they're in public schools.
but looking at how I have two very different kids who don't fit the molds. And my son especially is somebody that stresses my societal ideals because he's loud and he's fun and he has a quick wit and he said stuff that it's like, that's so on the edge buddy, but it's not inappropriate, but you're like pushing boundaries here. And he's going, he's at
big thinker and so he does push boundaries. How far can I do this and how much can I do this and love that. And he's going to be incredible adult someday that is going to do magnificent things because he pushes boundaries and thinks in a different way. But when he hits school and it's like, oh wait, he's a little too loud, he's a little too big, he's a little too much of everything.
I as a parent initially wanted to be like, well, let's trim those edges and make him fit. instead it's stepping into this new role of let's protect those edges and really honor that. And there's negotiations in schools and there's negotiations with teachers and there's really looking at where is going to be the best fit for him and advocating for those places so that he keeps those edges. That has stressed my system so much.
Because it's like, I have all the societal norms and all the things that I'm like, this is not who I want to be. Yeah. And really protecting that, I have seen him flourish. And I wish I had protected my daughter more than, but there's that, you know, this is my first kiddo and I'm stretching myself and I am the better protector now. like, okay, we're setting up systems, we're finding teachers, we're negotiating these different things so that she can flourish.
But I'm also not over protecting in like making sure that they're bubble wrapped. They still experience life. It's just like, I have to be okay with that. They're experiencing life. sometimes that means calls from the school and that's okay. And that's okay. And I mean, like they, they have chosen well because you can tell, ⁓ I mean, they are so lucky to have you being able to navigate that for them because, and that, mean, that is why they chose you because they knew that they would be a voice. I, I.
And I mean, there is the first child thing, right? Like the first child, I first child, sorry, every first child out there. You are the guinea pig. You just, you just are. Sorry. This is a co-creation. You've made a decision to come as the eldest. And that was what the decision was. We all make mistakes. I always just say, you know, everyone needs to go to therapy. Our children will have to go to therapy at some point. Our parenting is not distinguished about whether
They go to therapy. just for how long they go to therapy. That's when we know. All of that. I've always joked that I have set up a therapy fund instead of a college fund for my kids. And that shift to every, mean, I wholeheartedly say everyone needs to go to therapy. It really is my parenting and like how long you're going to live. It's like, is this like a, like a 20 month stint or is this like a 20 year stint?
This is my goal. So, you know, it, um, it really is like about this, own growth, their own knowledge. The first child will always come in a little bit more independent anyway, but honestly, I mean, like I've homeschooled all three of ours, right? So now my eldest, she wanted to go to school sometimes. So she would go into school. She'd usually land herself into trouble. So we'd ended up moving and I ended up just being like, time to go. So.
know, we kind of had this steady thing. Now she's in university, she's in London, she's thriving, she's doing great. ⁓ But it was an interesting thing because every child's different. We have two daughters who are 10 months apart from each other. So we got, yes, she decided to come one month early and we got pregnant very fast after our first. So two totally different types of children, totally different learners, two little girls, they should have been getting along famously, should have been, should have been, should have been the operative word, but they didn't.
They're very close now. And these gray hairs are always. But so, you know, I watched this homeschooling would change between the two of them. And then our son came along and our son, I was like, oh, homeschooling. Yeah, we'll do that. OK, no problem. Yeah, he was a very insistent unschooler. So I had always said, unschooling, we're not doing unschooling. I have no idea how that would work. is an unschooler. And honestly, he
He followed his own interests. followed his own paths. Minecraft taught him how to read. ⁓ and he just took charge of it. And honestly, like the conversations at 16 that he has, I'm sitting there going, I don't even know. I don't know what you're talking about. Like he can talk science and he can talk politics and he can talk all this stuff. He's a copywriter. He actually does some of my copy now because he taught himself copywriting. And I'm like, I don't even know how this emerged.
But it is, and he will say, well, yeah, I remember choosing you and I chose you guys on purpose because I knew you were not shaving off those edges. So, and I said, well, it's a good thing you came as the third. Cause if you're coming as the first, that was not going to be the option. So, yeah. So, you know, it's a fascinating thing when you take these journeys is like what you said, when you take these individual journeys, their own journey and how that's going to unfold.
We are here, they're their launching pads and we are here to support them and cheer them on. Sometimes to provide them the contrast that they need to grow till they actually figure out who they want to be. And that's okay too. ⁓ you know, I watched my eldest and there's a lot of things she now has rebelled against about us and she comes to visit and I'm like, I don't even know what this is. That's okay. That's okay. She's fine. She's happy. That's what counts. Absolutely. And it's letting them step into, even if it's not what I would choose.
letting them step into that self-expression and that growth and, and there are things that it's like, okay, that conscious awareness of that would not be my choice. And that makes me a little uncomfortable and it's okay to do. So they get to experience it. And I think it was fascinating about this conversation is you can actually pull it all the way back to, to that self observation card, right? Because
We're helping them learn to observe themselves by helping them have that freedom to be themselves. You know, like we know in our hearts if all of a sudden it's like, I really want to dress this way because everybody at school is dressing this way or this is the thing. And it's like, okay, well, how do you actually take a step back and make sure it's what you want? And not just because Susie over there is wearing that and not because are you actually listening to your own integrity? We're there helping them with that.
But then the other part of it is actually listening to ourselves too. mean, yeah, I can give my kids the autonomy, but I, it's not like I'm also going to keep mute. I have no problem saying to my children, okay, well, not my preference. And that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. And if you are going to do that, then you make sure this and this and this is in place because otherwise can you have some consideration? I love pulling out the, have some consideration for your poor mother's heart. I love that. And the gray hair.
Yes, but it's those open navigating talks that it's like, okay, so let's look at this, let's think about this, let's talk about this and you know, get things announced because we are also guiding them and we don't want to just send them out and like, okay, if you do this, you go out into society, there's probably going to be some backlash. And so, you know, even in what we choose to do with our personal appearance, if you show up,
there might be some talk, there might be people saying, so just so you're aware, doesn't make that choice, but let's from my experience, this is what I exactly. Exactly. I mean, there's no, mean, a good example of that. remember when all of them, all three of my kids at some points had said that they wanted to dye their hair some crazy color. And, I've been like, okay, I think my son finally did do it during COVID. Cause I was like, go ahead.
You're not going anywhere. It's fine. But I remember having the conversation of, well, you know what, you might be in a store a little bit more, like, solidly, like, people might start following you around in a store, you might feel a little uncomfortable, it might feel a little like they're being really suspicious of you. I think it's a sad thing because usually it's like some elderly old lady putting things in their bags, from my experience, so it's totally unjustified. But still, you will fall for a stereotype. You'll have to deal with that.
It's natural consequences and it's just understand that for ourselves as well. Right? Like it's like, if I do this, this will naturally happen. All right. There you go. I can deal with that or I can't deal with that. But it's that again, observing yourself, having the sense of stability within yourself of going, do I like that version of me? Do I want to be that version of me? And making choices.
I'm a really big believer in choices. You know, it's like, who are you choosing to be? How are you choosing to be? How are you choosing to show up? ⁓ And that's for everybody. So yeah. As you talk about and touch on stability, how do we bring in stability for ourselves? Because to be able to parent in a different way, to be able to honor their needs and who they are, and also honor ourselves and who we are. And we talk about this awareness.
But it comes down to stability in can we, and do we have the capacity to handle all that without becoming overwhelmed and shut down? Yeah. Well, and mean, you're, you're feeding straight into like concept of nervous system that, that we kind of have touched upon. And I will say it's a funny thing because over the last few years, I've really been focusing more on nervous system regulation because I'm like, actually we can't do any of the inner work without it. Like there's.
You dive into spirituality and, or you dive into any form of self discovery. And if you feel unstable in yourself, you're going down a rabbit hole and you will get so scared. You will be back into your comfort zone like that. It's just not, it's, it's not going to happen. ⁓ and again, like parenting or any chaos, you get the bombarding feeling and you will feel your whole nervous system flare up. I like to call the nervous system your spiky cat.
You know, where because it feels like the little cartoon cat that the minute something drops, you just go into that like, spiky cartoon cat. ⁓ and so it is important to understand within yourself how to find those moments without the long drawn out self care. Cause you got to notice the spiky cat right away. So there's a few things that you can do. ⁓ I do energy work. I'm an energy healer. I've been trained in a few modalities. So similar to Reiki.
and those types of things. ⁓ And the first thing that I was taught in energy work is that where attention goes, energy flows. Okay. So they've done scientific studies. So if anybody's a little like, Ooh, outside the comfort zone to go to woo, let's just keep in the science. have shown scientifically that your energy that you are electromagnetic being and that energy field that beams off of you actually does flow from the top of your head.
And it is supposed to flow all the way down through your center, down your legs and into the ground. So you actually become like a conduit of energy, right? Okay. Where attention goes, energy flows. And usually when we're in spiky cat mode, our, our attention is in one spot. Where is our attention? It's in our heads. So the energy is basically coming all the way down from the top of the, from the universe to the top of our head and getting stuck there.
and it fuels and it builds and the intensity pressure builds up and the spikey cat gets spikier, et cetera. So a really simple thing to do wherever you are in any chaos is to focus on your feet. Just focus on your feet. Imagine the soles of your feet touching the ground. Imagine roots going down into the earth. Feel your toes, whatever you want to do to focus on your feet.
Get your attention on your feet and you'll immediately feel like it's almost like you've pulled a plug in your brain and all of that energy is going down that drain into the ground. Now let's talk kids. The great thing about this is where attention goes, energy flows. If your kids are going a little haywire and you're like, my God, my God, my God, I can't deal with this. Focus on their feet. Imagine energy flowing all the way down from their feet into the ground.
And immediately things will start calming. So these are simple grounding tools, right? So yeah, you can ground by going out barefoot onto the ground as well. Weather's getting nicer. I'm always hesitant in the winter to mention this. Although my husband does do it all seasons long, which I'm pretty impressed with every night. Every night he's out there barefoot. I'm like, man, we do live in the UK. So it's one thing, but still I'm like, okay, you do that.
But yeah, you can do that and allow everything to flow out into the earth, but it's really important to get out of your head. ⁓ Other simple things you can do, hand on heart. Your heart is a stronger resource of knowledge than your head. It really is. It's important to remember, I don't know if you know HeartMath Institute. Now, okay, so the HeartMath Institute is a scientific body that basically has studied
the heart's electromagnetic field and the power of the heart. They've realized that that electromagnetic field of the heart is five times stronger than that of the head. ⁓ my goodness. So first of all, what that means is that when you're observing things, your heart is receiving the information before your head does. Right. Then they also realized too that the messages between the head and the heart and the heart and the head, the ones from the heart to the head,
are far more frequent. It's majority of those transmissions is from the heart to the head. So basically, it's like your heart is receiving all this information, transmitting all of that information up to the head. And the head is so stuck in patterns, neural pathways, and from a triggered survival perspective, it basically just chucks all that information out and goes back to the original program. So the heart is continual in this broken telephone system.
where it's like receiving things and trying to get you inner guidance. So you focus on your feet, you ground, you regulate, you calm the spiky cat, and then you go to your heart. What do I need right now?
what's happening right now really. Do I have anything to really be in total meltdown about? Chances are no. Chances are no. So those are two simple steps that you can start. Of course there's things like deep breathing, which you know most people don't deep breathe properly. It's really important to get your breath all the way down to the belly. ⁓ I am also
You know, I will do simple energy work with hands of like everything from, you know, nervous system regulation techniques of counting your fingers one by one and focusing your energy on that. ⁓ But there's simple things that you can do just in the moment. Nobody knows. Focusing on the feet does it every time. Get that energy down into the ground. yeah, simple thing. my gosh. And I have used my own feet, but I love
the tap into my kiddo's feet. Cause I've never thought focus on my kid's feet. I focused on my feet. I focused on their energy and like sweeping away some of the excess, like focusing on their feet. am so curious to try that. It's, it's so, it's an amazing thing. Even when you're, you know, like say they need help tying their shoes. I mean, your kids are a little bit old for that, but still getting down on the ground, putting your hands even beside their feet.
Like, you know, you can find any excuse to do it or like, you know, they're lounging on the sofa and instead of sitting beside them, you sit at the end. You just grab their feet, throw them on your lap. Hey, how you doing? And it's just, you don't even talk about it. You just allow it to funnel out. And it is, it's like pulling a plug out and just watching everything just go whoosh. They love it. They love it. They feel all that chill. They're like, oh, that feels nice. And I don't know why.
⁓ my god. Because I, I intuitively, especially around bedtime when somebody's having a hard time sleeping, like get the lotion and we lotion and rub the feet. And I did not tune into this is what I am doing, but I seen the results in like, let's draw this down and you can hear them audibly exhale as we are working with the feet. And like, that's one of the
Biggest things were having trouble sleeping, we're getting lotion out, we're rubbing your feet and it's really quickly that we're downshifting into sleep. Yep, absolutely. My son, we used to have problems sleeping. was always, his nervous system was always triggered. There was always something that was happening in his life. And so that used to be the way I'd always get him to sleep. Not with lotion, but I'd just stand above his bed and I'd just sweep the energy out to the wall and just, and then ground, hold his feet and then sweep more energy and then hold his feet. And he would always go to sleep that way.
I mean, now he would probably say, yeah, I was just trying to keep you there longer mom. And I'm like, I don't think so. You went to sleep awfully fast when I did that. It's one of the biggest things. And I had an acupuncturist who taught me how to sweep the energy kind of away because my son's very high octane. And so getting that shift from like go, go, to sleep is like, we sweep that energy away and then yes. more practices and it works. It does work.
It does work and it works for us too. mean, it's amazing how it's amazing how much energy we bring with us. You know, even, mean, I remember once reading even just if you take it just scientifically, just like as an electromagnetic field, we are around so much electricity now we are continually gathering electromagnetic energy into our bodies. And then we wear rubber sole shoes and we become like this.
container for all of this. And then people wonder why they have restless legs. And it's like, no, like get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out. Attention goes, energy flows. It is as simple as that. You can imagine it doing whatever way you want and it will listen. it's important. mean, what I love about that simple concept of where attention goes, energy flows is that you actually start to
I mean, it's lovely to think about where the energy is flowing, but you also do have the self observation card of actually saying, so what is my attention on? Like that's why I'm like, I'm not worrying. I'm not sitting there stewing about my kids. Cause that's not fair to them. It's like when you were talking about how, you took over from your kids, you are not giving them the sense that they were capable of things. Right. Yeah. Because our stories matter because where attention goes, energy flows. So what are we backing up for them?
Are we noticing what everyone's doing well and building that up? Are we noticing how wonderful their corners are that don't need shaving off? Because that means that they can actually get stronger. Like it's, it's all of this interweaving that we, we hold within ourselves, but you got to regulate your nervous system to activate it. Cause immediately if you're from a triggered nervous system, if you are in that spiky cat mode, you go, my God, my attention is just going to scary things.
Then you become hypervigilant on that level. It doesn't need to be that deep. Regulate your nervous system, ground, get back to your heart, and then trust where your attention's going from there. my gosh. It feels so simple as you say it. ⁓ but it really is nervous system is key to everything. ⁓ really is. As I've looked in my own life and done my own research in my whole
work is around nervous system. I mean, if you want to make money, we have to regulate our nervous system. If you want to be successful in whatever work you want to do, you have to regulate your nervous system. If you want abundance to flow in this, that, or that, whatever area, we need a regulated nervous system to be able to have the capacity. If you want good relationships, we have to regulate our nervous system. If we want good health, we have to regulate our nervous system. It really is, and it doesn't have to be this
overwhelming hour-long thing that we have to do. There's really simple, short ways, small time ways that we can shift, like focusing on your feet. Yeah. Yeah. I ⁓ recently, was like, I really need to get out of the house and away from my computer. So I decided to start teaching a small local class just to like, yeah, just because it just felt really, really good to do.
So that's the only reason why. ⁓ So, but it was really interesting because I have a gentleman in there who's never really done any work like this before. So we're just talking nervous system regulation and he has a very stressful job. But, know, so, and, and the look of wonder on his face when I'll be like, well, you know, even just looking behind you and then letting your eyes go behind you even further, telling your system, there's no one behind you actually regulates your nervous system.
It's that simple. Like, it's He's like humming in his car, supposedly now driving his kids crazy. Cause I'm like, hum. We do not hum when we're being chased by wild animals in a jungle somewhere. Hum. It regulates your nervous system. Yes. Tuning into our sensory system. Smell something, enjoying the smell, enjoying the sight, enjoying a sound, rhythmic beating, orienting is one of my favorite ones. ⁓
Look around, let your body go. ⁓ this is where I am because we get so hyper focused with our blinders on. that is a signal to our bodies that something's after us. So look up, let yourself be the author. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I mean, I remember when I first started learning about nervous system regulation and someone said, ⁓ yeah, as soon as your nervous system is triggered, you lose all peripheral vision. And I was like, wow.
That's amazing. Like that means that actually, like when your nervous system is triggered, you can only see the problems. We live like, let's like normalize this, right? Like most of us have triggered nervous systems, because how often do we actually only see the problems? So it's like, if you want to think outside of your problems and actually find a solution, you got to regulate your nervous system. You got to make sure that you're widening that perspective. So yeah. And it is as simple as that. Just orientate yourself.
actually get back into your human body. That's it. Realize that you're safe. Realize that you are alive and safe and that there's a beautiful world out there. And then all of a sudden you watch as something outside of your normal perception flows in. And you can call that whatever way you want, you know, like, but just being stuck in your head and allowing this caged swirl of energy and think you're going to get your way out. It ain't going to happen.
You got it. You got to create that, that space for yourself. So I know it's, it's an amazing thing for self-development when you actually dive into nervous system regulation as your foundation. Yes. Because it changes everything. It absolutely does. I'm so done. Christina, I want to honor your time, but I could go on and talk to you for a whole nother hour. You'll have to come over onto mine.
Yes, please. would love that. That would be so much fun. my gosh. Thank you. you. Thank you. As we come to a close, is there anything that you really want the listener to hear? I would I always I think my my my most passionate message that I always love to make sure people know is that you are here to be yourself. Like.
That is who you're here to be. You don't need to prove anything else. It's not about an achievement. It's not about something outward. It's not even about what other people think of you. You're here to be yourself. So whatever that means to you, find the thing that sinks in with you, that resonates with you and go with it. So if that's meditation or if that's journaling or if that's art or dancing or going for a run, whatever is going to go make you feel in that moment.
yeah, this is, this is the version of myself I want to be. This is how I want to feel. This is myself. Follow through with that. Listen to you, trust you and choose yourself. Choose to be you over anyone else. that. And I want to highlight the feel, how you want to Cause I think we get stuck in the B's and the D's and the F's and if we come back to the feel, like that's really who you are. absolutely.
choose to be the person you want to feel as because it changes everything. Absolutely. you're brilliant. You're wonderful. ⁓ Wonderful. I continue this conversation with you. How do people connect with you? So they can find me over at my website, is spirituallywearliving.com. And spirituallywearliving is on all my socials as well. So they can find me over on Facebook, on Instagram, on Substack.
⁓ yeah. And then my podcast is on my website as well. And we will have you on it. So I will have your links down in the show notes. So it's easy access. thank you so much for this conversation. It's been incredible. It has been an absolute joy. Thank you so much for having me. If it's conversation landed for you, I want you to hear you don't have to hold everything to love deeply. You can be present without over-functioning. You can guide without controlling. You can support your children, your partner, your people.
without making their emotions, choices, or entire journey your responsibility. And maybe the shift starts with something simple. Noticing where you've been gripping, where you've been managing, where you've been calling it care when it's actually costing you. Because the more you come back to yourself, the more everyone around you gets permission to do the same. I want to thank you for listening to this conversation. Please share it with somebody who has been holding a lot, who you think could benefit from hearing it and opening up that conversation in the door.
I want to thank you for being here, for doing something incredible for yourself, for showing up. I so appreciate you being here and listening.
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from a conversation today, please share.
because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
