Landy Peek (00:33)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. Today we're talking about what happens when the life you've been powering through stops feeling sustainable and you're ready for a different way, even though life doesn't exactly pause. I'm joined by Emily Kapurah, a licensed therapist who supports women in a coaching framework through transitions, overwhelm, and the desire to feel more like themselves again.
She's an author of two different books, one a book for mamas and one a book for kids. And today we're getting into the practical real life shifts without adding more to your plate.
I love this conversation and I am so excited for you to hear it.
speaker-1 (01:11)
I want to welcome Emily Kapura to the Land O' Peak podcast. Emily, can you share a little bit about yourself so the listener gets to know you?
speaker-0 (01:19)
Sure, I am a licensed therapist who primarily works with women now in a coaching framework. So I work with people who are kind of taking a step back and trying to figure out what they want this next phase of their life to be about. They wanna move forward very intentionally. And a lot of times that comes after a job loss or...
they're feeling really stressed at work or juggling all of the things. ⁓ I tend to work with a lot of ⁓ women in the helping profession, so other therapists, ⁓ nurses, ⁓ lot of times nurse practitioners, a lot of times my clients are also very creative. So it's kind of this blending of things where they're like,
I'm ready to do things differently, to feel more like myself, to not constantly be in motion and busy and go, go, go, and never really feeling fulfilled or connected and helping them figure out what that looks like. And then I also ⁓ have a children's book. So I'm a children's book author. I also have a nonfiction book, but.
I have a children's book that teaches a breathing strategy called the roller coaster breath, which is all about calming, ⁓ calming yourself, your mind and your body so that you can connect with and unlock your magic.
speaker-1 (02:51)
that and you're wearing a magic sweatshirt which is so fun. I am so excited because as we connected and I learned more about you we resonate really big in this space of you hit overwhelm, you have creativity that maybe you're not tapping into, and you hit this space and I think a lot of my listeners have also hit this space where what you're doing isn't sustainable anymore.
and the strategies that push through and you just made things happen, you don't want to live like that anymore. And you're really speaking to how can we see a different way of life when we're kind of drowning in the one we're living in.
speaker-0 (03:35)
Yes, yes, which sometimes can be so hard to be like, hold on, let me pause and figure this out, right? Because you're so in it, you know?
speaker-1 (03:45)
Like how can you pause? And it was a huge, for me personally, I hit kind of a trifecta of stressors and I had to shut things down and like life created the pause for me. sometimes that happens and then I had to really reorganize and figure out and it gave me a space to say, I can't keep doing the way I was living life but I don't quite know how life looks with a pause and the pause is so uncomfortable.
speaker-0 (04:15)
Yes, it really is. And ⁓ I really connect with life sometimes creates the pause, you know, sometimes we have these like, I call them a force point of change. For me, that was, it feels like a lifetime ago, but it really was kind of the thing that shifted everything for me was I was dealing with unexplained infertility. So I was working in community mental health. I love the work that I was doing, but it was a demanding job and a lot going on.
⁓ And then personally, I was dealing with unexplained infertility and I just got to this point where it's like, I have to figure out how to do things differently. Like this is not working for me, you know? And it was really taking a step back and, you my step back was like a process of learning just.
to prioritize myself, how to let things go, to shift my mindset, self-care, you know, all of these different things so that you could really, you know, feel good and and do the things that you feel passionate about, enjoy and enjoy your life. It's so short. We want to be here for it.
speaker-1 (05:31)
And it's such, there's such this interesting dynamic of knowing what we need to do and want to do. I want to shift the structure of my life. I want more creativity. I want more pause. I want more space. I want more rest. I want more play. And life doesn't stop. And how to balance the workload and family and all of the demands that keep coming in while you're trying to say, wait a minute, I need space. I need time. I need to think. I need to figure out me.
but all of those demands don't stop. And so how do you help people and how did you help yourself in this kind of unique space of stepping into a different way to live while everything else keeps coming at you?
speaker-0 (06:18)
mean, for me, it was really about ⁓ developing self understanding. I think we get so caught up in like next stepping our way through life, right? And we have this like, you're in high school and I'm just gonna use kind of like this, I don't know how to frame it, but like.
It's like you're in high school, you're gonna go to college or get a job or, know, and then you're gonna get married and have 2.5 kids and buy a house. And like all of these, this like image of how life is supposed to go, whatever that version is for you. And we just kind of like keep stepping into it without ever being like, wait, do I actually want this? Like, is this a good fit? Is what I'm doing a match for that?
And so...
being able to, and like you can't pause life, but you can pause yourself a little bit and say, I just need to go on a walk and instead of listening to a podcast, just think to myself like, what is it that I want? What feels like it's missing? What am I looking for? It's just starting to open that curiosity up a little bit because I think our schedules are
busy and there's high demands on our time. But for that pivot to start to happen, it is that self reflection, which doesn't necessarily need a huge like stop button on all the other things.
speaker-1 (08:01)
Right. And I'm so glad that you brought that up because I mean, I had a huge stop button and then had to wait, but a lot of people don't. as you navigate life and as I've continued to navigate life, it really is that moments that you can turn into yourself. And it's those little choices like going for a walk in silence where you can allow the creativity and the thoughts to start coming. It's getting curious about
What do I want? What do I like? And that was a huge part of my process is reevaluating all of the things in my life going, do I like this? And I had, what do I like for breakfast? What do I like to do for hobbies? And it comes back to that Gilmore Girl episode where Laura Lai's like, I don't know if you watch Gilmore Girls, ⁓ but she's like, do I even like pop tarts? Which is such a huge theme throughout the entire thing of Gilmore Girls as they eat for breakfast.
opportunity to start questioning all of the little things without it becoming overwhelming because we dive in so deep to, now I'm recreating my whole life and we get lost in the questions. it's the opportunities for silence. It's the opportunities to pause within ourselves. Yes. We don't have to ask life to pause. And I'm glad you brought up that difference to be able to make those changes.
speaker-0 (09:25)
Yes, yes, that's so true because we can't, I mean, I know like in my situation, I have my business, I have a nine almost 10 year old son, like who does all of the things we have, know, I'm married, my husband has a busy schedule, we travel, we do so much. And so I think if I was required to,
And I understand we definitely do have those force point of change, those force pauses, but I think if we're asking ourselves to put a stop on life, just feels like I don't even know where I would slide that in, you know?
speaker-1 (10:08)
Exactly. And I think that's one of the biggest points with women creating change in their life, is we don't even know how to slide it in. How can we, and when you look at doing therapy or coaching or any self-help thing, it's like, this is great in theory. How do I bring it into my life without creating more overwhelm, without letting go of something that I feel is,
I don't want to even say valuable because I think there's a lot of things that we have in our life that aren't necessarily valuable, but we can't change them. Right. We have to still show up for work and work can be valuable, but work can be something that we just do to get through. There is that balance. How do you slide things in when it feels like life is so overwhelming that you can't even figure out how?
speaker-0 (10:49)
Yes.
I wanna grab my book, Happiness Happens. And the reason I wanna grab that is because we need to look for little things, little opportunities where you can take.
five minutes to yourself and reflect, right? And it's instead of feeling like, ⁓ I have to change this thing right now, or, I have to shift this in this moment. It's just, it's truly about.
getting to know yourself. Like who am I at this point in my life? What do I like? What do I want? What do I want to create? And so again, it's not this, ⁓ the sliding in is a, it's almost like an opening up of awareness. It's a willingness to get curious about who you are and what you want today in this moment. And what is that?
look like, right? And it could be as simple as,
what do I want for dinner? Right? Like instead of just making what my kid likes or, you know, my partner, what's quick or easy, or there's a Panera on the way home. So I'm going to drive through there or whatever the case may be. It's just asking yourself, what is it that I actually want in this moment? So I think sometimes we feel like we have to do these shifts and do these changes. But when we start to reconnect with ourselves and develop that awareness of like,
what do I actually want in this moment? Not what are the expectations? What does everybody else want for me? What does it mean to be a good mom? Or what should I do or should I want? Like, what is it that actually sounds and feels good to me? Like, that is the simple starting point question that I think so many of us aren't doing. So we're looking for change and we're like scrolling through Instagram, you know, finding all the fad.
things that we think are gonna solve the problems or create the shifts or whatever. And we feel like we have to add more to our plate and do more. And it becomes this overwhelming thing when really it's like, well, hold on the pause is simply saying, instead of getting on the highway today, maybe I wanna take the back roads home from work. Instead of sitting at this point of my...
home office desk or wherever you work from. What if I sat over here? It's just starting to get curious moment to moment and asking yourself what you want.
speaker-1 (13:27)
And that's so huge because it's not adding more because we, mean, life is so busy. It's hard to add more. we look at solving problems by adding more, by doing something. And it really is that shift in perspective. It's getting in owning what we want and standing a little bit firmer in that choice instead of deflecting to somebody else's choice.
speaker-0 (13:51)
Yes.
speaker-1 (13:52)
It's interesting as we go through it and make those shifts, it doesn't take more time in our day. It actually starts freeing up time because we stop getting in the decision overload. We stop trying to mediate and support everyone else's emotions and day-to-day stuff. And for me, it was giving a lot of the responsibilities that I'd taken on that I didn't need to be holding on. It was looking at
What am I doing for my family specifically that they can easily do themselves? Allowing myself to say, okay, you're gonna now do this, this and this. So, you know, my kiddos, I was packing lunches. I was getting all that done. It's like, you guys are very capable human beings. You can do that. It was just part of my routine. It was something I didn't even think about doing, but I was just doing it. And so it's...
saying, okay, you guys get that and I get a few moments to myself or I get to do something that I want to do. Free up a little bit time. It's those little moments that we get to start saying, wait, my time's just as valuable as yours. And while it might be easier in this moment to say, fine, I'll do it for you, being like, but you get to learn some skills and you have to take some responsibility and have some independence. And I really learned as I was the extra helper,
and helped my family, my friends more than I needed to, especially with my kiddos. It gave them a lot more sense of independence and a real sense of, like they stepped into the responsibility. It was like this balking of like, I can't do that, that's too hard. was, here is this opportunity to really stand on my own.
and giving that freedom, they rose to the occasion. And then they like that. And then it becomes, well, if I pack my snack or I pack my lunch, I get to choose it. There has to be a little bit of control over, okay, they might not pack it and have the things in it that I want them to have. But I didn't do it. They had the autonomy to do it, which they loved. And it worked out for all of us. But it was me reflecting on how much I'm doing extra that I don't need to be doing.
speaker-0 (16:00)
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, and a willingness to allow other people to do the things, right? I was chatting with a client about this the other day and it's recognizing that in a home and part of a family, that's a unit, that's not all individuals, right? Like we're all working together. And if we're a family and we're all living in this,
home together, right? Like we have to act as a team and we need to allow everyone to be part of that team, right? Let go of how people maybe do the things, right? Like my nine-year-old will help out with the dishes. Like that's one of the things that he likes to do. And it's...
speaker-1 (16:55)
You have to
speaker-0 (17:12)
dishwasher doesn't always get loaded the way I would load it. And so it's like, letting go of, okay, well, fine, you know, and sometimes some of the things maybe take a little bit longer. And also being okay with that, you know, focusing bigger picture on
how everybody can be part of the thing because it's sometimes not even that you're the one doing it. It's that you're the one doing it while somebody's sitting on the couch or like, you you're doing it alone. So it's, it's also an opportunity to be in the different areas of life together. It's an opportunity for connection. It's an opportunity to, to teach skills and to delegate, take things off your plate, but there's,
There's so much good that can come from, hey, I don't have to do this by myself, right? We're part of a family and we're in this together.
speaker-1 (18:08)
perspective because we started doing laundry as a family where you we all go through we're all folding. We're all putting away it makes it go so much more quickly. Yeah, like it's not just me sitting there doing it. It's like you can do it and I really learned and noticed how much I was over functioning for the entire family system. Yeah, because I guess because I could but I mean, I know there's some like patterns in there and why I was doing it.
But the over-functioning, everybody else was just letting me over-function because why not? It was easy. And like you said, I would have my hyper-focus that the dishwasher has to be done this way and laundry has to be folded this way. And as I could step back and release some of that over-functioning, it's okay. The dishes still got clean. Even though it wasn't loaded exactly the way that I wanted to load it, the laundry still got done.
Even though the way my son folds his clothes is pretty much jam it in the drawer and there's not a lot holding, it's still clean and now in his drawer instead of sitting in ⁓ a laundry basket somewhere in my house. But the over-functioning and not even realize it, I think there's so many women who are just over-functioning for the entire family system and probably work system. I'm not tuning in to why that is draining us so much.
speaker-0 (19:33)
Right, or tuning in to the realization that it doesn't have to be that way. You know, it's that there are other opportunities, that there's more than one way. I had another client kind of the same conversation context, but talking about like just this perception of what it means to be a good mom, right? Or a good employee or a good spouse, or, you know, like we have this idea that
you know, to be a good mom, just because we're talk about that now, that it requires us to like do all of the things. But when you can take a step back, and that's almost like that automatic programming, right? That autopilot that we're on. We don't have to go into like all the reasons why that exists, but it's just kind of recognizing that there's this,
programming or mindset or perspective that to be a good fill in the blank, right? That it's done in this way. And when you can take a step back and say, actually, is that true? Right? What do I actually think being a good mom is? And like, I don't know about you, but it's not like loading the dishwasher correctly or like making sure that all of the laundry is done. Like that is, that doesn't feel, that doesn't.
scream like good mom to me, right? It's connection and laughter and like encouragement and support. And you know, like it's all of these other things that I'm more able to do when it's like, okay, all of the clothes were jammed on the drawer. The sweatshirts weren't actually hung on hangers. They're just hung over the rod, but fine. They're, you know, like it's not my closet. I don't care. You know, like it's, you know where your clothes are, go find them, you know?
The end.
speaker-1 (21:31)
huge and I didn't realize as I was over functioning how much I was missing out on those connection opportunities. Where I would grumble because my husband got to be the fun one and like the weekends he would be out doing fun things with the kids while I was cleaning the house and doing laundry and all of that kind of stuff and I got really resentful before I really realized how much I was creating that system because I wasn't saying to anyone else, wait a minute
I'm not the only one living in this household. Everyone needs to clean, which is where we're shifted to. We all clean, we all do laundry, we all are living here and you don't get paid extra to do that. That's part of living here in the family system. But it was really identifying, I had set up the system and I could change the system. And as I put out, we need to have new changes. I really didn't have a lot of flack coming back.
little bit from my kids and like, oh, I don't want to have to do blah, blah, blah before I go out and do whatever. But I talked to other friends and parents of my kids' friends, they had the same systems and rules that they're implementing. And so it becomes the norm of, well, nobody can go out and play until you have your laundry done. And it became more of those conversations that we brought in, in, okay.
You know, my son's best friend can't come play until the laundry is done. It's normal. It becomes part of the norm of this is existence. We all help. We're all doing things and shifting that freed up my energetic and emotional load. It really isn't just the things that we're doing. It's the amount of mind space that it's taking thinking through all the lists and all of the things that we have to do and remembering picture day and remembering, you know,
Part of what we instilled in my family is my husband now reads all of the school emails and he keeps track of what has to be done and what are the dates coming out because my mind was overloaded and all of the things. I didn't have to be the only one that does that. And yes, things get missed and it's like, well, okay. But it isn't this catastrophe that I imagined would happen.
speaker-0 (23:49)
I, yes, because we do imagine that it's going to be like a huge steal if something is missed or, you know, whatever. And when you're like, ⁓ actually it's, it's fine.
speaker-1 (24:03)
It is fine. I'm sorry. My kids missed crazy sock day for before winter vacation. They do a week of like something every day. Yes. Read the email. My husband didn't tell me they went without crazy socks and they survived. And yes, and they weren't the only ones that didn't show up with crazy socks on Monday, but it's allowing those like hiccups that just because I miss that doesn't mean coming back to that good mom. Right.
dress, their clothes, their fed, they're happy. They came emotionally supported to school. Yeah. We missed something. Yeah. There was a previous previous version of me that would have taken that personally. That's like, ⁓ my gosh, now everybody thinks I'm a bad mom because nobody cares. Right. It's realizing how much pressure I was putting on me with my own stories where no one else was really caring.
speaker-0 (24:56)
Yes, because we're all kind of in our own thing, right? all like, in It's a bike mode. Yeah, we're all like just trying to find our way through and find what works for us. And, you know, it's, it's, we've all got a lot going on. So we're all very like in our own.
space or whatever doing our own things.
speaker-1 (25:19)
Absolutely. I want to tap into, because you took in this life, all of the busy stuff that's going on and created something incredibly supportive for kids and creative. Can you talk about how you brought in time, space, energy to write two books?
speaker-0 (25:37)
So I mean, while I took my time with them, didn't have expectations that they should be. So my book, I have happiness happens, which is a nonfiction book. And that really is like for women who are trying to figure out who they are and what they want at this phase in their life. So that is like, if you are someone who has 10 minutes to read.
do a quick reflection and take an action. It's very simple, right? Kind of to the point of what we've been talking about is like, how do you reconnect? How do you identify who you are and what you want at this point in your life? We're always changing. We're always evolving, right? So that, and that book I published in 2019. And so my children's book, which is called Riley's Remarkable Rollercoaster Ride, ⁓ that I started writing when my son was in kindergarten.
and it was published when he was in third grade. So like it, I took my time with it and my friend ⁓ Elizabeth, is amazingly creative, she's also in the helping profession, has this like creative ⁓ aspects. She did all of the illustrations and she is also a mom and she is working. And so we were just like, let's do this, but.
no expectations on timelines or anything else. So just having that freedom to do it ⁓ and take our time with it was really cool. And I discovered just for myself how much I love taking an idea, like a creative idea, and turning it into something, like a physical product, right? Being able to...
have the book idea, which teaches the roller coaster breath.
I used to work with kids. I've worked with families. I've worked with adults like the whole spectrum of ages. so working a lot with adults now, know, who are feeling stressed and life is busy and all of the things. was...
thinking to myself, like, and even for myself, there were so many skills I had to learn, right? Like taking deep breaths, pausing, reflecting, asking myself what I want, like so many of these things. So the question for me kind of became, what are some of the skills that I want my son to have? And like for kids to know so that they're starting off, like already having it, it's not like you get to this point where you have, you're not,
30 or whatever and you have to like learn how to do it.
And so Riley's Remarkable Rollercoaster Ride teaches the rollercoaster breath, which combines visualization. It combines body scan or doing a body scan, mindfulness, deep breathing. And it's a visual of taking deep breaths and imagining the breath moving through your body with the idea that as you do that, you're calming, you're connecting, right?
And when you're calm and connected to yourself, like who you are, that's how you unlock your magic. That's how you can be the youest, truest version of you. And that's how you are successful on your maps or your state testing. It's how you have the courage to do your, you know, all about me poster to your class or to take a free throw or kick a field goal or.
I guess they're not kicking field goal, they're kicking soccer goals. know, like all of the things that kids are doing now because they are doing a lot, you know? And there's a lot of stress and pressure on kids now to perform and to achieve and to do, and just being able to have some tools to like calm and center and remember that you like are
amazing and have all that you need inside of you. Like that's kind of the idea that sparked Riley's remarkable roller coaster ride.
speaker-1 (29:59)
love that. I love that you gave yourself permission for time. As I listened to you, I'm like, okay, I need to give myself permission for time. Cause a lot of the things that I'm like, I'd love to this. I'd love to write a book. I look at, I want that done now. And then I set the impossible standard that I'm going to have it done this year, right now, you know, getting all, and there's pressure.
versus giving myself time to create and have the project without the timeline of when it's complete. Someday it will be complete and as long as we're continuing that journey, it will be. But giving ourselves permission to do the things that we want to do, even if it takes time, even if it takes years to get done, we're still fulfilling that part of us that we want to create and put things out in the world.
I also love how you tap into that sense of self in both the Riley's remarkable roller coaster book, and in your other book where happiness happens, it's tapping into self and that knowing self and who you are and tapping into yourself and allowing yourself to have the calm, the breath, the space, the moment of pause before you step into whatever.
is giving life skills that we as adult need, but we didn't learn and that kids get to learn alongside us a lot of times as parents. We're learning it and trying to teach our kiddos, but it's setting everyone up for more success, success in quotes, success in the way that you see it, because you're feeling better about yourself, because you're not just like I've described me being kind of in these... ⁓
unconscious patterns of over-functioning, allowing that step back, allowing that tap in, allowing, ooh, this is who I am and I don't just make choices because it's what I think I should be doing, but making choices because this is what I want to do.
speaker-0 (32:03)
Yes, yes. And like making choices because they're the right choices for you, because you're trusting yourself, because you're playing to your strengths, because you're acknowledging your natural like energy ebb and flow and you're leveraging that, right? It's understanding that you exist exactly as you are and when you can learn to say like, this is me.
And I am taking ownership of that. I'm stepping into that. And I'm allowing that to be where I create from, how I parent, you know, all of the ways in which I show up. I do think we're able to do less. I do think we're able to like feel more energized and inspired. And it's just like a different way of moving.
through life, whether you're in first grade or you're 50.
speaker-1 (33:06)
Yes. Can you talk about playing to your strengths? I love that phrase and how you tie it in.
speaker-0 (33:13)
with playing to your strengths, it's really about knowing like in the corporate space, people will talk about it as like your value add or what are you bringing to the table? know, I've done workshops where I talk about it being like your secret sauce, but it's understanding. What do you, so I also do school assemblies. Okay, so unlocking your magic. Okay.
speaker-1 (33:35)
Okay, so let's talk there.
speaker-0 (33:37)
So your strengths, playing to your strengths is really about understanding kind of your magic, which is made up of three ingredients, okay? And those are your strengths, what you're just naturally good at, okay? And your personality traits. So we all have things that we are just innately drawn to and good at. And a lot of times it's hard to know what those are.
for ourselves because they come so naturally that you never are like even paying attention and we assume that everybody is good at the same things. And we're not, you know? And so sometimes you have to ask other people like, do you see as my strengths? Right? Sometimes we can do, there's all sorts of like inventories and assessments to start to.
speaker-1 (34:15)
Yes.
speaker-0 (34:31)
And sometimes you just simply ask yourself, like, what are the things that just come really easily to me? Am I somebody who is creative? Do I ⁓ have very strong communication skills? What's been feedback or what do people come to me for, ask me questions about? But it's starting to understand, like, what are your strengths and kind of your personality traits?
Are you somebody who tends to be like more outgoing or are you super reflective or introspective or ⁓ like what are some of those traits about you? And that first magic ingredient is really just their innate ways. Like innate ways of being. They just are part of who you are.
I always say I have a ultrasound photo of my son and he was like in the picture, his ankles were crossed and he had like one hand behind his head and the other one was in the air, like he's fist bumping. And it's, it is, there could not be a better like visual representation of who he is. Like he is this very laid back, like kick his feet up.
very chill, but also like up to party anytime, right? It's just like, it's just like who he is, you know? And I feel like we all have that way of just who we are. So when you talk about playing to your strengths, it's understanding that. And I think a lot of times we're like looking, we're like trying to change our weaknesses or we're trying to fit in a box or do things a certain way and like,
we just end up feeling like shit and it doesn't actually move the needle. But when you can shift that perspective and say like, what am I bringing to the table? What are my strengths? Like, what can I leverage here? It's a total game changer. It's a total shift in conversation. The other, I'm just gonna go on a quick sidebar here. Understanding if you are somebody who has
speaker-1 (36:33)
Yes. ⁓
speaker-0 (36:46)
a stronger tendency to focus on your weaknesses and you do not know what your strengths are, all things are on a continuum. And a lot of times like our biggest weaknesses are also our biggest strengths, they're just the opposite end of that continuum.
speaker-1 (37:00)
I love that.
speaker-0 (37:02)
So that can be like a good, I think about like in my work with families all of the time, parents would always be like, my kid is so stubborn or something like that. And when you can say like, okay, but that also means that they're very determined, they're clear on what they want, right? They're able to articulate that. And so sometimes you can really identify what strengths and it's like, how do I shift how I'm using those things so that they're like,
productive and helpful instead of working against me.
speaker-1 (37:35)
Yes. Oh my gosh.
I love how you're leaning into the strengths perspective because so much of our world, the coaching worlds, I come from the therapy world. I'm an occupational therapist. so we focus on the weaknesses, right? And I went to school
trained to focus on what's wrong with somebody and how I can help make that better. And I had a person tell me, as we were just talking once, and she's like, why do we always focus, especially with kiddos, on what their weaknesses are? And we spend a lot of money and tutoring and really pushing what they're struggling with. Why aren't we spending as much money on the things that they're like really good at and really love and building them up? And it flipped my perspective around my kids in,
Yes, we still have tutoring and focusing just as much energy on the things that they love. And my daughter's in theater and prioritizing theater as much or more so than prioritizing tutoring. And we will skip tutoring to do theater because that is something that just makes her glow. It's that shift where when we...
speaker-0 (38:47)
Yeah.
speaker-1 (38:50)
and we're trained and we look at all of the things that are wrong with us, right? And those are the things that people tend to highlight around us, especially in school systems. But when we look at that strengths focus, it shifts everything. both of my kids have incredible math brains. It did not come from me, but incredible math brains. Math comes so easy and they're just like, and you talk about other people don't realize.
speaker-0 (39:03)
Yes.
speaker-1 (39:17)
my daughter did not realize math was not easy for everyone. And it is just something that like she does, it's her easiest subject, that's her relaxing subject. And she had a teacher that I will always be grateful for because she highlighted that for her and said, okay, you're so good at math. Can you be a helper and come around and help when you finish your math assignments, come around and then help other kids with the math assignment and help teach them how.
and my daughter has dyslexia and so she struggles with reading. So that was kind of like, she knew she's, you know, had more difficulty with reading than her peers and this was a huge thing and it flipped the script. In that moment, she saw, ⁓ wow, some kids are good at some things, but struggle with others. I'm really good at math, but struggle more with reading. And that life lesson flipped how she looks at school now.
and herself now. And as you highlighted it, it really highlighted in my head of like, wow, that is such a powerful way to look at life. start looking at the things that are easiest for us are strengths and not everyone finds them that easy. And when we can really highlight that and have that strengths based approach,
It flips our self esteem, it flips how we see yourself, how we connect with ourselves and how we're living life. And you're right. That is our magic.
speaker-0 (40:44)
your magic. Those and those are like for just using your daughter as an example, so one, your first ingredient or your daughter's first ingredient would be
math, which she's just innately good at, right? And then the second ingredient is something that you really love and enjoy, even if you're not good at it. So that would be theater. And then it's being your third ingredient is life experience and how to package all of that, right? And so that might be something like how she was a helper. So if you were to say to her, your magic is that you are so amazing at math and you have, you just light up when you do theater and you are so good at using
those skills to help other people and you are so kindhearted and helpful. Like to your point, people, we look at ourselves, we're like, wait, is that? So I do and everybody has magic. Every single one of us has strengths, right? And personality traits and things that we just love to do even if we're not good at it. And life experiences, whether it's family traditions or
speaker-1 (41:33)
Yes.
speaker-0 (41:51)
you know, where you went on vacation or whether or not you're a good helper or like to help or whatever the case may be. And when we can start to say like, this is the unique combination that makes me who I am. Yeah, there might be other people who are good at math, but the, you know, I'm good at math and I light up when I do theater and I love to help other people. Like that's unique.
Like that's mine and that's special and I get to grow that and share it. And that's just like a small slice. We have, you know, more than one strength and, you know, things that we enjoy. So when you can start to look at this, it's very much like your unique mixing in of what makes you who you are. And we get to share that with the world, which is just so special and exciting.
speaker-1 (42:44)
love the way that you frame that. And I thank you so much. And I'm gonna have my daughter listen to how you said that about her. That is so incredible. But I love how you frame this and really take it to a simple or a very simplistic way to look at the ingredients. It's like, you're good at this, you light up at this and you love doing this. And that creates our magic. Cause I think we get so lost in figuring it out sometimes, but it just take it to basic ingredients.
and then bring it together. I love how that just takes it to something that we all can do.
speaker-0 (43:20)
Yes, yes, we all can do it. We all have it. Yes, yes.
speaker-1 (43:25)
⁓ my gosh, you are so incredible. I love you. I know that there are people that are really resonating with what you say and loving to hear you talk. How can people continue this conversation with you?
speaker-0 (43:42)
I am on Instagram, that's like my social media space that I love to hang out in. So if you wanna have a conversation either in DMs, if you're curious about maybe working together, I have an application linked in my Instagram bio. So I'm happy to talk with people in that capacity. But I'm always open to just having conversations, to answering questions.
to sharing information. you know, I get very excited about ⁓ helping people just see how amazing they are and being able to use that, whether again, like it's in your third grade classroom or in developing your business or however you want to ⁓ show up in this world as yourself.
speaker-1 (44:32)
my gosh, I love that. And I will have all your links down in the show notes. So it's easy to be able to continue the conversation and connect with Emily as we come to a close. Are there any last parting words that you would love the listener to hear?
speaker-0 (44:46)
gosh, I just really want people to know that they truly are magic. You are magic, you have magic inside of you. And when you can tap into that, I really do feel like that is how we shift into feeling more energized and purposeful and joyful in life. It's not about doing more, adding to your plate. It's about reconnecting and showing up and really being able to move through life in a way that feels authentic and true to you.
Landy Peek (45:14)
Emily, thank you so much for being here. I love how you brought this back to something simple and real. You don't need life to pause in order to reconnect with yourself. You just need small moments of awareness, curiosity, and choice. And if you're listening and you've been feeling like you are the one holding everything together at home, at work, let this be your reminder. Life's allowed to shift. It's allowed to get easier.
And the starting point can be as simple as asking, what do I actually want in this moment?
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who's been caring too much. And I would appreciate it if you'd leave a quick review. It helps more women find these type of conversations. if you wanna connect with Emily, check her links down in the show notes. And I wanna thank you for being here, for showing up, for doing something incredible for you,
Before we wrap up, I wanna share something that I've created for the moments when stress shows up.
If you're tired of managing stress and ready for it to stop hijacking your day, I've created a brand new program called Stress Rewritten. And it is a private audio experience that helps you shift your stress response in real time and prevents the same reactions from repeating over and over. It literally is rewiring your nervous system and your subconscious thoughts.
as you listen, which makes it easy to do and powerful change in your life.
stress rewritten is now open and ready for you to join. you can learn more and access it through the link down in the show notes. I want to thank you for being in my life. I am so grateful that you're here that you're showing up and that you are doing amazing things for you. I want to wish you
all the happiness that today can bring and I will talk to you on the next episode.
Speaker 2 (47:12)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives.
As we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from a conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
