Landy Peek (00:35)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. This is your host and friend, Landy, and today's episode, we're talking all about reinvention. Those moments when life nudges or shoves us out of one chapter and into the next. My guest, Annette Garstak, knows that journey firsthand. After walking away from a corporate career no longer fit,
She rebuilt her life as a career and reinvention coach, author and advocate for women reclaiming their own voice. What I love about Annette's story is how she reframes change, not as failure, but as evolution. This conversation is full of wisdom, honesty, and practical tools to help you step into your next season with courage and grace.
Speaker 2 (01:20)
I am so thrilled to introduce you to Annette Garstek. Annette, welcome to the Landy Peak podcast. I'd love to start with your story. Can you tell us a little bit about you and how you got into this work?
Speaker 1 (01:35)
Yes, absolutely. I love telling this story, although sometimes it feels surreal. It just feels like it's this evolution of where I'm at. And so now looking back, 10 years ago when I left corporate America, it was this huge shift in my life. had grown up and worked, worked a lot when I was young.
filled in for my brother's paper route. I was a babysitter, kind of a normal, normal Gen X upbringing. ⁓ And then once I figured out that a corporate career wasn't as easy as my parents told me it would be, which was find a good job and you stay there until you retire. I don't know if you ever got that advice. So I thought this would be my life. I thought that would be how it would go.
Speaker 2 (02:21)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:28)
And now I'm a career reinvention coach, an author, and an advocate for women owning their professional and personal voice. But when I left my corporate career in 2015, I just wanted to get out. I was escaping all of the bad stuff that was going on and the circumstances I found myself in, not by my own doing, just by chance. So what had happened was this toxic culture was created in a really great workplace.
and it happened with the change in leadership. So my boss was amazing, still a very amazing woman that I'm in touch with, but her boss was where the change happened. And that's where I just didn't think I had a clear path forward, not for me, not for my team. So after I walked away, like literally was like, okay, I'm done. I'll see you guys two weeks notice by ⁓ that's when I really had time to reflect and think about
What do I need? What do I want? What makes me happy? And that's when I discovered that what I missed the most about my corporate career was managing work opportunities, helping my employees manage work opportunities and helping people develop into whatever was next for them. I like mentoring other women and collaborating with them, right? And so when I found career coaching, I'm like, aha.
This is the best thing ever because it is like being a manager or a leader in corporate America, but without the constraints of all the other work that kept us away from helping my direct reports do the things and be the kind of people that they wanted to be. So that's how I landed in this work.
Speaker 2 (04:12)
I think a lot of listeners resonate with having that big pivot in their life at some point where we're headed in one direction and something derails us. Whether it's finding out that the career that we really worked hard to create quote unquote success in no longer aligned with who we are and who we want to be in the life that we want to lead.
Or there was something that happened in life that really had us pull back from where we were headed and reevaluating life. So when you're helping that person who is in that transition, what is your advice for them to kind of reclaim their voice when they're feeling really lost?
Speaker 1 (05:05)
That is such a great question. What I want people to understand and really reflect upon is that that change or that shift that you feel coming doesn't mean that you've failed at something that came before. I don't know why we're so programmed to think that failure is something that should never happen to us.
Failure is what happens when the direction we're going in doesn't align or the fit is wrong. It may be fit, it could have fit yesterday afternoon when you left the office. And when you woke up this morning, the fit is wrong all of the sudden. That's how fast it can happen for some people. So let's not view it as a failure. Let's view it as a chance to realign with what's important to us, what we value right now. And let's take some time to consider what that is.
Speaker 2 (06:02)
love that because a lot of us do feel like, my gosh, I failed at this because it didn't go the way that I thought it should. But if we reframe it and look at it as it no longer aligns and we're just looking at an alignment issue, there's so much more freedom in that because we're not looking at, ⁓ I have to disregard everything I've done because I failed at it. We get to look at, I get to use these as resources and I get to redesign what I want.
Speaker 1 (06:32)
Absolutely. And it's an evolution. So you cannot be expected to stand in the same spot for the next, I don't know, 30, 40 years. Maybe you have 10 years left in your career, but you don't have to stay stuck. You're not a tree, right? What's that saying? You're not a tree. You can move. So let's look at it as, gosh, I'm evolving. What's next? What's interesting? What am I preparing for?
Because not everything that you're doing is the next best thing that you're gonna do for the next 10 or 15 years, but maybe you're just preparing yourself for like a little step or a bigger step or a move or a change, or maybe you're with the wrong group of people, but you're doing the right thing. Sometimes the career you've chosen is amazing, but the place in which you're practicing that career is not the fit.
And so it's good to evaluate everything, tear it apart, ask yourself questions. What would be better for me? What would it look like if I felt aligned every day at work? What would it look like if I enjoyed collaborating with my coworkers? What would it look like if I was happy to wake up in the morning and go to work and then seek out those things that are the answers to your questions?
Speaker 2 (07:55)
Because it makes such a difference. And I have found in my life, it's a constant recalibration. And where I think, my gosh, this is going to be it. And I have pivoted my career multiple, multiple times. But it's like, this is going to be the thing that I finally land in and will be forever. And then it's that evolution. Because I needed that step to then find the next step. And so while it was a...
I chose a career that I could keep the same hat as an occupational therapist and change what I did and who I worked with continually, which was lovely. But each evolution, I can see the stepping stones. It's like, I needed that to get to this. And wherever I am now probably isn't the end of where this is going to be forever, because I will evolve again and tweak it and fine tune it and really figure out and step into what and who. And I think it's more.
who we want to be than necessarily what we want to be. But I think one of the biggest things is giving yourself that flexibility to say, okay, this is good for now and I might still want more and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (09:09)
Absolutely. Saying this is good for now is so freeing for people because we have this culture where you're always aspiring for more. Not that I don't want you to have personal development and growth and not that you don't want a new skill or re-skill or retool yourself, but maybe you're in the season of life where you're taking care of kids and taking care of aging parents. Maybe you're in this season.
where you're dealing with a personal health issue of your own or maybe your spouse or your partner. It's okay to be where you are and be present and be in circumstances that are good enough and allow you to live the kind of life outside of your work that you have the flexibility and the time to do the caregiving or to care for yourself or to take care of obligations that are important outside of work. It's okay to do that. Let's not
judge people for making those sort of decisions for themselves and for their careers.
Speaker 2 (10:14)
Yes. And we've got a message or I at least got the message. Can't say everybody did. I got the message. Your career is number one. And it has taken me so much evolution, reinvention, re-looking at my own priorities to say, wait, but just if I focus on my career, I'm missing out on a lot of life. And there have been times in my career where I get to focus more on that. And there are times in my life where I've really had to step back.
and focus on life more than where I'm pushing forward. And there's a balance in there where we get to be humans and we get to have those human existence and experiences and still have fulfilling careers, but the career isn't who we are.
Speaker 1 (11:02)
Yes, we are a whole human being outside of the work we do. We're not our jobs. We're not our titles. So how can you redefine yourself and decide what kind of person am I first, right? What are my values? And then can I work? Can I do work? Can I go to work with the places people's
and things that align with those values and who I am as a whole person first. And then you can, of course, have great fulfilling work or you can put your career first if that's what you choose, ⁓ but you don't have to. And it's okay to be a whole person outside of that. And when somebody asks you, hey, what do you do? You could be like, I'm a whole interesting person and for my work, I do this. So can we get,
As women, can we ask questions of other women? Can we help our children? And I am not a mom, but can we help children that we interact with? Can we help them by not asking them what they're going to be when they grow up? But maybe asking them, what are they interested in? What things do they want to learn more about so that we aren't driving people, to feel like their identity is their job? It is the work that they do.
Speaker 2 (12:30)
love that. If we started all of our conversations with new people of what are you interested in versus what do you do? And then you have like, it always kills me because that I'm just a stay at home mom. And I was not a good stay at home mom. I tried it when my daughter was first born was don't love it. I need that professional space and professional hat and thinking brain. Total respect for women that do because like it
Speaker 1 (12:48)
I love the honesty.
Speaker 2 (12:59)
hardest thing I ever did. But there's a lot of I'm justa. And we are tying our inner identity and our self-worth to that career. And we're doing it not for ourselves, but so that we are seen in a better light for someone else. And I think there's such a ⁓ fear that we're gonna get, ⁓ what's the word? ⁓
We're going to be seen as lesser if we don't have the bigger career that makes a lot of money, that is whatever social structure we think should be. Right. But it is for this outside world. And it's being able to tune in say, but what do I want? What fills me up? What lights me up? And working full-time is not it. I've found this lovely balance where I get to be mom and I get to work, but I don't work full-time because that drains me.
So it's learning how to create that balance for yourself within the constructs that you can. I am an entrepreneur. I have the flexibility to set my schedule. Not everyone does. And it's really fine tuning what can fill you up and what makes you happy. Instead of that kind of construct, I want to swing into, cause you had talked when we were first talking about being on the podcast around that sense of community and how
Women really can create a bigger impact and more, and for me, really more support and structure when we have that community. Can you talk about how do we bring that in? Cause I know at one point I found myself very isolated, even though I had friends, but I wasn't relying on them. I wasn't, I didn't even know how to reach out and build a community to support me. I could network, but it wasn't that sense of community.
Speaker 1 (14:56)
Yes, there's so many places to build a community and many times as a working professional or as a stay at home mom or as an entrepreneur, you don't have to build your own community from scratch, right? You could step into a community. So I say check out all your options and let's start with some really obvious communities that you can join without having to search too hard and too long. What about your alumni association?
What about your PTA? What about the other moms and dads and parents that you could be in community with? Is there a book group, a book club, excuse me, at the local library? So can you step into a group or a community that already exists? And can you make time to work on another piece of your identity so that you're not so caught up in the professional one?
Can you devote some time to yourself, to developing and growing just as a human and not just as a worker or just as a parent, right? developing and focusing on yourself as a whole with other people that also have the same goals and objectives is so important. So I found, ⁓ I'm part of a women's networking group and that's been a huge community builder for me because there's lots of
different communities we each came in with. And now when we help other women within that community, we bring them out into our own separate communities and networks. And then your circles just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And then if somebody would say, ⁓ need, know, do you have a house painter? Do you have a this person? Do you know someone that my kid can talk to because they're interested in going down this vocational path?
You have this community of people that can make those connections and help other people in the community grow.
Speaker 2 (16:58)
It's huge. And we have like the small community, my neighborhood has a text string that we use a lot of like, hey, I need this. Do you know who has this? you know, do you have a stick of butter? Was one over the weekend, I'm baking, I'm out of butter. And somebody's like, does anybody have a stick of butter? Which I love that we have that community and it can be that text out of, you know, I need help.
in little things and big things and who would you recommend? And from that small neighborhood to noticing I have community around my kiddos in school, noticing I have community in my own work setting in just like OTs, there's a different community with entrepreneurs, some of that ⁓ overlaps. But that we don't have to have, A, just separate little lives, but
it doesn't always have to revolve around one set community. It's not just my local network. It's all of these different facets. And I love how you said when we connect in with one, we then branch out and connect in with all the communities. And as you did that, I'm like, all of my little communities do interact in a way because we can tie things together. And, you know, so one of my neighbors is struggling with perimenopause. And as we were just chatting, it's like, my gosh,
Speaker 1 (18:16)
Bye.
Speaker 2 (18:23)
I know the perfect person that you need to talk to. And so it's taking into that next little entrepreneurial bubble. And it's so fabulous when we, as women, really start to come together and support each other. But I think there's, at least I felt, like a fear of, I can't show weakness. I have to like look perfect. And is one of the things around blooming this podcast was, I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to share real and raw.
and how much that has resonated with others. So what would you tell someone who's in this space of, need to look one way, but I really want to step into that community and be authentic. I'm just not sure how.
Speaker 1 (19:10)
I think that's a great question. so can we, this is another like reframe or a different way of thinking about it, but can we go in with a sense of collaboration instead of competition? So as other community members, can we say, this person is here to get our help, Landy's here to see us today to figure out if she wants to be a part of our community, how can we support her?
What is she wearing? Did she do her hair a certain way? Does she have her lipstick perfect? These things don't matter. What's the person made of? What's their intention on being there? And how can we surround this person and help show that they're comfortable and confident and that they feel welcome? Women get a bad reputation, right? We've all heard these, these. ⁓
I guess there's stereotypes, right? That with multiple women, there's always cat fights. It's Mean Girls Club. And I think that's the exception and not the truth. And maybe that I've just been so fortunate, right? In finding the right community of people. But I get that story frequently from a lot of different women. So my thought is that that's an untruth that we've been sold.
maybe to keep us in competition with each other, but we don't have to have that queen bee or mean girl mentality. We can actually have a supportive collaborative mentality. And when you find yourself having that talk track of why is this person here? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Why are they dressed like that? That's something that we're projecting onto them. Those are our inner thoughts that we're allowing to escape.
and judge or cloud the situation. So let's not do that. Let's take a deep breath and let's say, how can I support this person and how would I want to be supported? And then I think we'll have a much different experience and then we'll be able to be more welcoming and open our support circle even wider and give the community so much more collaboration, so much more help. And in these times where people feel isolated,
Let's not do that. Let's not be the person that isolates more. Let's be the person or persons that bring people together.
Speaker 2 (21:33)
I love that. And I, like you, have had the same experience where I really haven't tapped into the Mean Girl. It has, in my circles, have been a lot more collaborative. Not saying that that hasn't had that Mean Girl experience occasionally, but the majority of it is really this collaborative space.
I want to tap into really looking at how, when we tap into that community, when we're looking at being that kind of showing our own authenticity so that we then, I think when we show our own authenticity, allow others to also be more comfortable showing their own authenticity, how this really creates a feminine power. How when we are starting to work together,
When we are creating that collaboration, like you said before, we're creating more phenomenal ideas because we're feeding off of each other. using, and not in a bad way using, but we're tapping into other people's talents, other people's ideas and structures and belief systems and experiences. And from there, we really get this wealth.
and breadth of knowledge that comes in. And that I think is where some magic happens.
Speaker 1 (22:53)
feel like it's an energy, right? Energy builds. So if you have a group of people that are together that are really supporting each other and building each other up and giving each other confidence, maybe we're exchanging ideas or we're trying new things or we try something and it is a total flop, but we had such fun doing it, then that builds energy. And then that energy...
builds power and then it pulls other people in, right? They're excited by the energy they feel. So I think that's one way in which we can build this community and build this larger group of feminine power. I think we can build this power by advocating for others. So if we see something when we're out and about in the community, is somebody talking to another woman inappropriately? ⁓ You know, do we have to...
ask somebody if they meant to say that with their outside voice, you know, or is that something you should have left inside? We can use that power and that energy to then advocate. And then when we are together or we know that somebody has our back, even though we may not know them, then it feels better, you know, or sometimes you see the mom in the grocery store struggling with one or two kids or even one kid, and then she looks so tired.
Like just can you whisper something supportive? Like you're doing good today or, you know, pick up the pacifier that's dropped on the floor and give it back instead of giving a judgment, giving a helping hand. And I think that will go such a long way. And then other women will know that we have each other's backs. And then we don't have to wonder if, if when we're going into the grocery store today, we're going to get judged because.
I have my flip-flops on or the baby's acting up or whatever it makes us, whatever we're least confident about, right? Walking out of our little bubble and into this bigger bubble. What's that point that we feel so weak about? And instead of feeling weak, maybe we can validate it for someone else so that they know we see them, it's just a season we're in, and we're on our way to something big, better, more energetic.
Speaker 2 (25:12)
Right? I love how you tapped into it's our insecurities. What we're most insecure about is what we, I think, tend to judge others around and really fear judgment for ourselves. And when we can identify that it's our stories, it's our own insecurity and get curious about it, I think that's where we can start shifting where we don't worry about judgment as much.
I think still there some. Sure. we're not, when we have that story come up or we feel like we're judging someone else, we can catch ourselves and it's like, ⁓ that's my insecurity. That's why I'm looking at it with somebody else and I'm aware of it with somebody else. And I'm looking to see like how I compare to somebody else. And that's where the judgment comes. And judgment, we judge things all the time. That's human. And we have turned judgment into something that is negative.
where it's like, you're judging and it's a bad thing. But we judge, like if you like coffee, I love coffee. It is my life source. But I know like other people in my life do not ever drink coffee. It's a judgment whether I like it and they don't. Not that I'm judging them, but I'm judging coffee. They're judging coffee. We're judging the flavor of ice cream that we like. We're judging.
The books that we read. ⁓ My sister just wrote a murder mystery. Those scare the living daylights out of me. Not my books, I'm the romance kind. Fabulous book, I did read it with the lights on and the door closed, but it's like locked and ready to go. Supportive sister. Would I have picked up a thriller any other time in my life? No, they scare me. She loves them and she wrote one.
We're constantly judging. And I think if we can flip judging to something that's neutral, we're making, we're having opinions on something, we're really tuning in, do we like something or not like something? And it doesn't have to be that we're judging negatively. We can just take it as, ⁓ well, I differ there. I have a different opinion there. I would do something differently there. It doesn't mean whatever they did was good or bad. It's just, I would do it different.
And I think if we can start taking that step back and really looking at judgment as not something negative, but just as an opinion, we can start like deactivating that sense that other people are judging us. Cause I think that's such a hard thing as we step into that grocery store and we're like, my gosh, like I look horrible. I've got flip flops on. haven't taken a shower. My hair is in a messy bun. And he's like, what are people going to think? Honestly, people aren't going to notice you.
and they're not really going to care. And if they do, they're tapping into their own securities, insecurities, like you said, and they're noticing you because they feel it.
Speaker 1 (28:17)
I agree. And I wonder if that question that you asked yourself when you were thinking about, am I judging something or am I judging it harshly or am I making a judgment of right or wrong when it doesn't deserve a right or wrong ⁓ label is, what am I supposed to learn here or what am I supposed to notice here? So sometimes when I'm having that moment of insecurity or I'm thinking,
Do I even need to go to the store because, right, my hair's in a messy bun, I look like a hot mess, whatever that is, I'm like, what am I supposed to be learning here? Why am I even having this thought process? Let me just stop a minute and think about it. And then normally, if I think about it, I can't come up with anything. It's just like a weird random thought that I'm having and I need to just run into the store, grab the milk and get back in the car and be done with it. Or I could also have Instacart deliver it, right? No judgment there either. That's completely acceptable.
but what, what is it that your internal, you know, your internal critic, your inner critic, your inner judge, what is that voice trying to tell you? And maybe it's trying to tell you nothing. Maybe it's just bored and talking your head off and you just need to silence it. And usually that question helps me. What am I supposed to be learning here? And it just helps me notice what I'm saying to myself and bring it back on track if it's off track or
remind myself of like what I'm really supposed to be doing, which happens so often. You and I were talking about that earlier.
Speaker 2 (29:53)
Right. And I mean, I love that where we get to really get curious instead of judgy, but curious about our own thoughts, curious about like, what is coming up? What do we need to learn? And I don't think it has to be a therapy session every time we have a thought and it's like go into this huge thing, but it gets to be, Ooh, this is feeling big for me. What do I need in the moment? And is it something to learn? Is it my nervous system is just
totally whacked out right now and I need to feel safe in my body and I need to really feel like I am more, ⁓ what's the word? I want to say put together, but I am aware of my own senses. My nervous system is regulated. I'm not feeling, you know, higher than a kite, like anxiety coming out the wazoo. I'm also not depressed. I want to be in that middle, you know, space where I feel okay. I feel safe.
And one of my big things is when I'm feeling that is tuning into the nervous system and saying, okay, so what do we need right now? And I'm very body-based in my work and what nervous system tool can I use to signal safety in my body? Cause I have found that is so huge and like lot of anxiety is just chatter. And it's, you know, constantly telling myself don't borrow tomorrow's problems because there's nothing I can do right now. So I'm worrying about all the things that are coming.
or may not be coming in the future. It's like, what do we need right now? Right now I need to feel safe and where I am inside my body in the space I'm in, what can I do to signal that safety? And that is a huge help. And then the other thing I think one of the biggest antidotes to anxiety into that, you know, constant chatter that's going on is action. So what can I then do? And sometimes it's like, okay, I'm going to go get milk.
and we're going to walk in that grocery store and milk is where we're going. And we're going to focus on it. You know, it's that next best step and action. Sometimes, especially if you have a direct small action really helps combat the anxiety because it gets us out of that stuck space.
Speaker 1 (32:04)
It really does. Yeah. And Mel Robbins, ⁓ five second rule was really good for that, you know, in 2020 when she came out with that. just five, four, three, two, one, and then do what it is that you've committed to yourself to do. Are you getting up? Are you going to get more cosy? Maybe some water, right? Are you going to buy the milk? What, what will be the thing that you're going to do next just to put you in some sort of action and stop the spin?
you've got going on in your head, that inner story that you're telling yourself that maybe is less than productive. And maybe has you thinking, ⁓ I don't know what I'm doing. Because isn't that the worst story that you can tell yourself is that you don't know what you're doing and that this is never going to work out. And that's where people get stuck so frequently in their work, their professional lives, their career. I don't know what I'm doing.
and I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I don't know how to get out of this. And that's not true. You do know what you're doing and you just need a break. You just need a moment and you will find what's next for you. So let's not let those stories keep us stuck. Let's tell ourselves that we're so capable and whatever's next just starts with a single step. Just starts with a sip of water or a deep breath or
checking the to-do list so I'm not thinking of 30,000 things or I'm not lost in my email. What's that next step you can take is price, priceless advice.
Speaker 2 (33:39)
It really is. And it makes such a difference. I love like, sometimes I just need to get it out of my head and on a to-do list so that it's like, okay, it's there. I'm not going to forget it. All of the to-dos and knowing when my brain is starting to circle and starting to spin and I hear all those stories and it's constant chatter. That's when I need to start tuning into me and saying, okay, what do I need? It's probably to step back for a moment to take a sip of water to go for a walk around the block.
because it is that anxiety, that chatter that's coming in and whether we're tying in judgment in it, whether we're looking at ⁓ feeling stuck in our work. And I feel that so much when you said, I don't know what I'm doing. mean, half the time, I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. Probably more than half the time, I'm just winging it. But when we're winging it, we're relying on a lot of resources that we've already built. There's a lot of knowledge in my head that I might not
concretely tap into, but it is there. And so when I wing it, I'm really just relying on all of the knowledge and experiences and resources that I've already had. And I don't have to, I think one of the biggest pivots in my career was learning that I didn't have to always bring in something new. I could rely on what I already know to create whatever I wanted without the new course that I had to take or the new certification that I needed.
It's like, wow, I already have a lot. Let's use what we have. And I think that's what we're doing when we're winging it. When we don't know what we're doing, we're just relying on our existing knowledge. And it doesn't always feel comfortable because I don't feel like the superstar. I feel like I should rattle off all of this stuff and have this huge amount of knowledge. And sometimes, especially with perimenopause, there's brain fog in there. And I can still function. It just doesn't feel like I'm as clear as I have to.
Speaker 1 (35:36)
And it is so okay to stop and revisit. So how come as women, we feel so, so pressured to say yes now or give an answer now?
As women, we feel so pressured to come up with an answer now, to say yes or no right now. And that pressure adds to maybe some feelings of, don't know what I'm doing or I'm overwhelmed or I didn't sleep well or I haven't eaten lunch yet. Right? All of those things are happening in our body. And then on top of that, like somebody's in front of us asking this question and you're like, so can you just buy yourself a moment?
Can you say something along the lines of, can I check my calendar and get back to you? And then walk away. Give them a deadline if they need one, but simply walking away, going back to your office, getting the drink of water first and then checking the calendar is enough time for your brain to process. And then you can decide, do I want to say yes? That's the first thing. Do I have the capacity to say yes? Is it a heck no?
I didn't want to say that because my boss asked me or my boss's boss asked me. And then making a plan to handle the situation. So feeling stuck could just mean you need a moment to process and don't be too concerned in the immediate yes, no, maybe so. ⁓ Women are more likely to feel that pressure.
to say an immediate answer and it's really not expected of us. So let's step away from that expectation and do something different, behave in a different way so that others have that expectation of us that Annette or Landy will get back to me and I will take their answer then.
Speaker 2 (37:30)
so glad you brought that up because that is such a huge thing and it was a huge struggle for me to put in those boundaries of I don't have to respond right away. And I had that belief that it's like, if an email or a text popped up, I need to respond right away. And no, I don't. When somebody asks you something, you don't have to respond. And I love that. Let's say give, you know, I'll check my calendar and I'll get back to you.
very concrete of what I'm going to do, but gives you that space. ⁓ I love Jefferson Fischer's, your first word should be a breath. It gives you that space. And I find I do that a lot now where it's like, okay, I'm gonna take a breath. What I'm doing is allowing my system to catch up, to be able to process what the request was, and I don't have to do it off the cuff. And
If you're used to doing it off the cuff and people are used to you responding immediately, there can be a little bit of pushback in like, but you usually, and that's probably my kid's voice that's coming through, but it's usually like right now, I need it right now. It's like, no, we can pause. We can catch a breath, take a sip of water, and then get back to people. And that's okay. We don't have to be in this hamster wheel rush to respond. The world is not going to end if you don't respond to an email.
in the next five minutes, it can be the next day and that's okay. But I personally really struggled with that. And I was like, oh my gosh, but people aren't gonna think I'm professional because I didn't respond right away. They don't know when I got it, it's emails. You're not expecting it. A text message is why we text because people can respond when they want to. It's like, we don't call anymore. And even when we call,
I mean, when I call someone, don't expect them to answer. I expect just to go to voicemail. We are now setting up a society where we can pods, where we can break, where we can think about things and come back. It doesn't have to be an immediate action.
Speaker 1 (39:42)
And from a professional perspective, actually higher level, higher power positions, people in CEO, CFO, CMO seats normally have a very slower, much lower response time than the individual contributor. And then their communication pattern is also usually slower. So taking that breath, taking that pause can also help you look
as though you're at an elevated position or an elevated processing, it gives you more executive presence. And those are great advantages in your professional and also personal life. So it's very good to slow down, not having that frantic look to you helps. It helps people think that you're more of a steady and reliable personality type. And then it also gives you that boost in executive presence that's
so hard for people that sort of go and move in a fast pace without stopping.
Speaker 2 (40:47)
needed to hear that. am so... Yes, this is the affirmation I need. But it is as I have slowed down, like my communication has gotten better. And I know when like the anxiety comes up, the speech comes up, like my whole energy comes up, but I am more clear and more thoughtful when I am slower. And I am so glad that you brought that up. And I would love if you're okay talking about it a little bit more on
how we can, because I think a lot of listeners, at least that relate to me, have that faster pace, have that we need to get things done, have we have a million and three things on our plate and there's not enough time in our day. What does it look like for that higher level individual who does slow down, who does have a slower pace of communication, perhaps a more thoughtful or thought out piece of communication? Can you describe that person and give us
Highlights of how we step into that.
Speaker 1 (41:48)
Absolutely. And this is still a work in progress for me, but I've been very focused, especially this last half of the year, being more deliberate and working on it. I have started. This is something I just started earlier in the month. I've started responding to email communications during two times of the day. So my email box is there. It's waiting for me. It works for me. So reframing again that
I do not work for my email inbox. I do not work for my text messages and then banding together some focused time to get things done. So when I work on my email box, my text box, my voicemail box, I'm going to work on it and I'm going to get it done. And then tracking who I've got in process, who I'm working on responding to. Do I owe somebody a this or a that? ⁓ And then completing those tasks.
making the commitment that those get done by the end of the day. And it's been less harried. I feel less all over the place. And then to support me in this, I've also shut off my notifications. That's hard one. Yes, it's so hard, but all of my social media notifications are off on my phone. And then... ⁓
Speaker 2 (43:03)
Ooh, that's
Speaker 1 (43:13)
My email ones reset recently and I just returned them all off on Sunday. So I don't know on my phone that I've got a new email message. I won't know until I actually log into my email inbox. It's there on my phone, but it's not giving me that dopamine hit to like, ooh, you've got an email. I don't care. Of course I've got a new email. When don't I have a new email? then also give yourself permission to unsubscribe.
And delete, I'm sure your best friend has a great email list, but if you're not reading it and it's just sitting there in your inboxes unread, it doesn't help them with their deliverability metrics. You're not doing them any favors. Unsubscribe, save yourself both the time. Wow. Yeah. And then also delegating a little bit. Can you delegate some task? ⁓ Is there a meeting you're continuously invited? That's really not for you. You don't attend.
but you let somebody keep inviting you. Why are you doing that? Ask them to take you off the list or delegate it to somebody on your team or recommend somebody that's better able to attend and move on from it.
Speaker 2 (44:28)
I love that. There's lot of power in that. I like you have no notifications on my phone. mean, text is the only one I guess I do. My husband has a work phone he has to carry all of the time and it's constantly dinging with the texts and the emails and the things like that. And it's, it's distracting to me, but it is. You're right. There's those little dopamine hits. You never fully settle.
Speaker 1 (44:35)
Text is only what I think.
Speaker 2 (44:55)
because it's like ding, ding, ding. And there's a lot that comes through. And I love when we look at where are we still invited, but not attending. Where are we subscribing, but not opening? Because as a business human, it doesn't help me if you just subscribe and then I send out my email and I look at the open rate, you're tanking my open rates. like, unsubscribe. I don't have my feelings hurt. I want the people that are gonna read.
because it makes my metrics look better. But it's looking at, we have those power moves where we get to also really hone into where our energy spends. Because if we're deleting that email that, yes, we're on our friend's email list and that's great, but we never open it, it takes energy to delete it. When we're going through and looking at the invites and it's like,
Do you respond or do you ignore it? It still took energy for you to say, I'm going to respond or I'm going to ignore it. So shift it out of your life and really hone in your energy to where you want to spend it. And that's so huge and powerful when you think I have this control. Cause I think a lot of us don't realize we have all of that control and how many energy drains we have in all of these little things that we're not attending to.
Speaker 1 (46:20)
Yes, absolutely true. And then can you put that energy into your family, into your work, into a project, into something that's important for you? Maybe you have a volunteer organization you work with. Where could you reinvest in your life? And instead of just giving mindlessly to this email inbox or the thing you don't really want to do, maybe you don't want to go to your
husband's child's friend's graduation party. Don't do it. Not that you're a bad person, just send the Amazon gift card, send the gift and be done with it.
Speaker 2 (46:59)
Right. And I love that. There's that permission if you need it. Say no to things that don't fully align with you, that don't light you up. And I love coming back to that align because a lot of, think what we're doing is trying to figure out how we best align in the things that we want so that we're not wasting all this energy and having the energy drain so that we do stand in our own power so that we can create the communities or step into the communities that really feel good.
Speaker 1 (47:04)
If you need it.
Speaker 2 (47:29)
because that's where we're really tipping the scales. When we're spending so much energy, people pleasing, when we're spending so much energy trying to manage everything and control and make sure nothing falls through the cracks, that we're really doing a disservice to ourselves because we're living in this fight or flight scenario, even though we don't identify it. And we're not able to step into our full quote unquote power.
really who we want to be.
Speaker 1 (48:02)
Yes, and we have that power to do so. And I think it's interesting because I don't know about you, but I didn't realize that those things were in my control until about the same time I left my job in corporate America. So it took me well until I was 40 something to figure that out. So.
If you are listening and you are way younger than I am, you have an advantage because you can start earlier. Because a lot of the women in my life and in my community didn't know these options until they had already hit a wall or hit a decision point that was so overwhelming. And then they're like, ⁓ this was the opportunity I needed, you know, looking back. But it would have been very powerful to understand those
choices and options much earlier in my career. And so hopefully we're teaching and advocating like we were talking about before for that next generation of women to make different choices, go about it differently. And that's one other piece that I'll say is that the judgment or the harshness that we're inflicting on the younger generation, and I see it all the time on social media, it is not warranted.
Those are the next uss, right? So don't, let's not other these people. Let's not make them feel different or not correct. They just had a different path than we did. Let's try and understand that. Let's try and advocate for them. Let's try and pull them up behind us because those are our successors and we can not do them a service and we can not prepare them for succession.
Speaker 2 (49:46)
us.
Speaker 1 (49:52)
If we're judging them, being harsh with them, saying things like they don't wanna work, they're different, but their differences are their advantages. So let's find a way to figure that out and leverage it for their work, our work, and whatever it is that we're working on together.
Speaker 2 (50:08)
I love that so much. my gosh, Annette, thank you so much. This has been an incredible conversation. I wish we had more time to chat. I know that there are listeners out there that have resonated so deeply with what you have shared. How can people continue the conversation with you?
Speaker 1 (50:27)
you are welcome to connect with me right on my website, which is annettgarstek.com. And I'm always on LinkedIn. So that's sort of my favorite place. So you're welcome to join me over there as well. And it's just my name Annette Garstek.
Speaker 2 (50:42)
and I will have all of those links down in the show notes. Is there any last parting words that you would like to share with our listeners?
Speaker 1 (50:50)
goodness, this feels like a big, a big thing. I wanna share like some perfect wisdom or something. I guess what I would say is that you are always evolving. Take charge of that, invest in yourself. If it's a few moments of peace or a break, or if you invest in your personal development by reading or listening to inspirational podcasts like this one.
Do something good for your inner soul so that you fill your cup up every day and you're not totally depleted and heading towards burnout.
Speaker 2 (51:27)
Such amazing advice. ⁓ Annette, thank you so much. I so appreciate you being here.
Speaker 1 (51:33)
Thank you so much for having me. I've really enjoyed this conversation.
Landy Peek (51:38)
I hope you're walking away with more permission to slow down, to pivot when you need to, and to invest in yourself in ways that light you up. Annette's conversation was more than just talking about you're not failing, but really flipping the script to you're evolving, you're changing, you're growing. You can find Annette at annettgarstek.com or connect with her on LinkedIn. Both links are in the show notes. And if this conversation sparked something for you,
please share it with a friend who's navigating her own transition. These are the stories that remind us we're not alone and that what feels like an ending might actually be the beginning of something bigger, something different. And I wanna share how I truly have faith in you that in these times when it feels like you don't know where you're going or what you're doing or you feel so incredibly stuck that...
You can take the next little step. You can do the next little thing. You can give yourself space and grace and that you have everything that you need inside you already. I love you and I like you. And you are smart and creative and fun and talented and funny and energetic and worthy and deserving of everything that you want in life.
I really appreciate the time that you spend with me every week. I would love if you leave me a review. They do help other women just like you and me feel less alone, know that there's hope, and your words could change somebody else's life. I want to thank you for listening, for being in this community, and for choosing to evolve right alongside us. I wish you all the happiness that today can bring.
and we'll talk to you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (53:37)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace
any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious.
Because that's the fun in this world.
