Landy Peek (00:35)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak podcast. This is your friend and host Landy and today I am beyond delighted to introduce you to Will Ritter. He's a therapist with Ellie Mental Health just down the road from me in Greeley, Colorado. Greeley has a special place in my heart. It's where my dad grew up and my grandma still lives.
So it felt like fate that Will and I would cross paths. He brings together genuine warmth, solid clinical knowledge, and a deep curiosity about who we really are beneath all the shoulds. If you've ever wondered what it feels like to be truly seen and held as you peel back the layers of expectation, you're in exactly the right place. So grab your cup of coffee or tea.
and make yourself cozy. Let's give a warm welcome to Will Ritter. Will, I am so excited that you are here.
Speaker 2 (01:37)
Thank you, I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:38)
Well, can you tell our listeners just a little bit about yourself so they can get to know you?
Speaker 2 (01:45)
Yeah, so I'm Will Ritter. I'm a therapist with Ellie Mental Health in Greeley, Colorado. I'm an LPCC and addiction counselor candidate. And just recently graduated my master's program. I graduated with academic honors. And I'm passionate about mental health. I'm passionate about destigmatizing. And I just really wanted to be able to get the word out.
Speaker 1 (02:08)
I love that. One of the things I was so excited as we were talking ahead of time about what to talk about was how you talk about identity and really truly getting to know your authentic identity. Can you share a little bit more about that?
Speaker 2 (02:27)
Yeah. So, you know, identity is one of those things that I think that people are constantly searching for and really trying to find where you fit in life and in your, in yourself, in your body and all of that. And I feel like, ⁓ you know, in, different clients I've seen and different, ⁓ little bits of research and stuff I've done on the subject, it seems like people form their identity, not as, not as much on internalized
what they actually feel comfortable with or what they actually want, but they do it based off of social guidance. So what they experience in life growing up, what they experience from others input. And there's even, some, I was talking to a colleague today about the generational aspect of identity and how, ⁓ you know, different generations kind of pass along this idea
of who you should be or the path that you should follow. And people really seem to incorporate that into a part of them. And by doing so, they ignore what they authentically feel is them. So like some people might go to college when they feel like they should be drawn somewhere else or somebody might go to, ⁓ you know, into one career because they feel like society or
parental or whatever social group kind of places them in that category. So they follow that direction, but they don't necessarily feel that that's where they fit. And so this idea of the authentic self is kind of finding what you authentically feel like is you as opposed to what society or social guidance has guided you to believe you should be.
Speaker 1 (04:22)
I completely agree. for the listener that's sitting there, how do they figure out, am I living my authentic self life or am I living the social, social, let me start over, or am I living the social structured life?
Speaker 2 (04:40)
Yeah, so I think it's easy to ignore our own intuition. I think it's easy for people to disregard those unsettling feelings of, just don't feel at peace or at place with what I'm doing. you know, there's a lot of self blame that goes into this as well, where, ⁓
you know, maybe you feel like you don't fit, but rather than saying, maybe I don't really know where I'm at, but I have to continue doing this because this is something that I've committed to rather than taking a step back and going, okay, but what is the actual like reason that I'm doing this? What is the reason that I feel this way and really internalizing or reflecting on, is this really what I want?
And I feel like a lot of clients that I've seen already kind of have that in the back of their mind that they don't really feel like they know themselves or they don't feel like they know who they are. And it can be, I've seen some that absolutely were like, this is not something, like this is not something that I feel like is me. And then I've had other clients that were, I feel like I should be this way.
And I like to identify or to outline. First of all, obviously, if you feel like it's not you, then maybe it's not. Maybe that's where we need to explore. Maybe that's where we need to talk more about ⁓ what feels more accurate to yourself. But then that other piece, I think, is the more challenging where it's. I've never thought of what I am separate from the societal belief and just this is.
this is who I should be and they strive to be this person that they're not. And I think that's where you get a lot ⁓ of depression, a lot of anxiety, a lot of pressure to be something that you're just not. And I think that's where the biggest challenge lies.
Speaker 1 (06:50)
Yeah. And I think a lot of humans are in that space where we have just followed in line, doing what we should be doing, doing what we think or what the expectations are. I mean, I went to college to get my undergrad because my parents told me I had to go to college. Not because I wanted to. I drove my dad. thought he was going to kill me. Not really, but he was very frustrated with the young me.
who changed her major every single semester for the first three years because I had no idea what I wanted to do. And I think if somebody had said, hey, you wanna do a gap year and like go explore, I might come back into something and I might not have, into something that's a little bit more structured instead of really bouncing of I wanna do journalism and I wanna do education and I wanna bounce and bounce and bounce and bounce.
because I had no idea I just had to be in college because that was the expectation. And so many of us get in this, we have to follow in line. We get the education, we get the career, we get the marriage, we get the kiddos, and we've never paid attention to what we want and who we are. And it took me coming back until my late 20s is when I went back and got my masters and I'm like, ⁓ I like this. And then I went into occupational therapy so I can say, I'm an OT.
Speaker 2 (07:51)
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:16)
And I work with Peds and I work with geriatric and I work with rehab because I still can't make up my mind. But I had the same hat on the whole time. But it's coming to who are you at a deep level? And I think it's really uncomfortable to look at who we are and how it might not fit, but the rest of our social setting is telling us who we need to be.
Speaker 2 (08:24)
Right.
Yep. Well, and that's something that I've talked to clients about how scary it can be to get to know yourself. Yes. Because I like to think of it as say you have a friend that's been your absolute best friend your entire life. Right. And then you get into adulthood and this friend who's always been there, who's always been somebody you relied on, you trusted, you knew, you knew what to expect from them. All of a sudden they're not who you thought they
And it's really scary to get to know that person again, because you start to wonder, well, are they as trustworthy? Are they going to be there for me? That kind of stuff. And when you internalize that as a ⁓ me, you start wondering, am I even going to like myself?
Speaker 1 (09:29)
Yes, and what if I don't like myself? I'm not scary. And what if other people don't like me? What if I go outside of this balance? What if I step into who I really think I am? And did I lose everybody? I've now pushed all the buttons that I have very carefully avoided pushing my entire life.
Speaker 2 (09:52)
Right. And change is always scary. thinking about getting to know yourself as somebody who's different than you thought you were is a change. And there are people who like who they are, even if they're not authentic to themselves and they don't want to be authentic and not like them themselves. Yeah. And
Speaker 1 (10:17)
That's deep.
Speaker 2 (10:21)
What I've experienced talking to people who have kind of gone through this process is that we think of it as we're going to change to be someone we don't recognize or change to be someone that we don't know. The reality of what I've experienced is that you become a better version of yourself. So you really do get to know yourself better. You really do get to be
like that friend that changes to someone that they're not, you find out that they're more trustworthy, that they're better of a person than you initially thought that they were. But it's just scary going through that process and it's scary getting to know that person.
Speaker 1 (11:04)
Absolutely. One of the things I talk about in my programs and with my clients is it's more like weeding the garden where everybody, all society, every, it comes from Emily Nagowski and her book, Come As You Are. So giving her total credit for this brilliant idea that she uses it with sex, I use it with life, but it's everything, the media, our teachers, our parents,
our religion all planted things as when we were little beings into our garden. And now it's not becoming someone new or different. It's weeding out the things that no longer align with who we want to be. It's taking out and not putting in necessarily. And sometimes it is, it's stepping into something new that you want to, but it's not changing you. It's just all the stuff that has really hidden you.
Speaker 2 (11:59)
Yeah, I like that analogy. That's a really good way to put it, especially because when you think of the things that cause you to not be you, getting to know yourself, part of the getting to know yourself is getting to recognize that you're doing things for somebody else or for something else rather than for yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:20)
Yes. Yeah. We dress the way that we dressed because that was the expectation. You know, had the teenage girl, the dad, no daughter of mine is going to dress like that. so you change how you dress because you're not allowed out of the house if you dress like that. And even though that dress may have felt authentic and wild for you and felt good, it still was molding. You know, it's becoming, I can't do this, that, and the other.
because someone else is going to be unhappy if I do.
Speaker 2 (12:52)
Right? Right. This is where lot of that self-judgment, self-blame comes in too.
Speaker 1 (12:58)
Hmm. Ooh. And the guilt, the guilt of I'm going to disappoint as we've, know, kiddos work so hard to please our parents that, you know, may or may not ever be pleased, but it's coming in and going, and now I'm guilty. I feel guilty because what are they going to think about me? And I have a real loyalty to my family. And if I step out of those boundaries of this is what
Speaker 2 (13:00)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:26)
the family is, this is who we are, what happens to that loyalty? Or my mom never got to do that. So why should I be able to do that? And there's so many stories that we interplay in keeping us playing small, keeping us in that social structure instead of breaking out into our authentic selves.
Speaker 2 (13:49)
Yeah, yeah. And so there's a few thoughts that I had while we were talking about this. ⁓ The first one is just the complexity of how our entire society is built around.
we want you to be a certain thing versus letting you be what you truly are. And this goes into college too. And I found this fascinating. ⁓ Most colleges allow for very minimal exploration because they have these set standards in your first two years that you absolutely have to take. And then your last two years is taking what your major is.
Speaker 1 (14:23)
Hmm?
Speaker 2 (14:35)
So they don't really give you an option to explore in other avenues. And what happens is, is you grow up in a certain culture and your worldview is shaped by that culture. And so what you know to be a career or what you know to be available to you is very limited based off of what you're able to see.
Speaker 1 (14:41)
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:02)
And then you go to college and you go, well, this is what I want to do. And you might hear of other things that people are doing, but you don't, you know, that can be scary to explore that, especially when you're limited on your abilities to do it. Yeah. And there are some colleges and especially like foreign colleges do this a lot. And there's only a handful of colleges in the state that do this, but they allow your first two years to be entirely exploratory.
Speaker 1 (15:27)
that's awesome. I need it.
Speaker 2 (15:28)
Yeah,
I know, right? So the idea behind this is ⁓ instead of saying you have to take a certain humanities class or you have to take certain science classes or certain math classes, whatever, they incorporate some of those skills into a large amount of coursework so that when you're taking these other classes,
you're still getting some of those skills. So for instance, let's say you're taking a music class, they might incorporate some mathematical aspects to it into the music. And then you're taking a theater class, they'll incorporate some English ⁓ requirements into that aspect. So rather than saying you have to take these classes, they'll say you have to meet these measures.
Speaker 1 (16:23)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (16:23)
and you can meet these measures in like a thousand different classes. So you can actually pick what you want to do.
Speaker 1 (16:31)
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (16:32)
Yeah, yeah, but unfortunately, there's less than two dozen ⁓ colleges that I'm aware of in the United States that do some form of that.
Speaker 1 (16:47)
of us hit the traditional go through and you're stuck and then you have this love degree that I never really used other than my bachelor's got me into my master's program. But you know, a lot of us went down that road and just kind of continued going. And so now we're at this point for me, middle age coming into this like, let's figure out who I want to be. And not just how I'm supposed to live life, but
really pivoting of, okay, this isn't working anymore. I need something different. My soul needs something different. How do we step into that? And what are some of the things that kind of pop up as we're exploring this more authentic identity?
Speaker 2 (17:35)
I think the more things that you can dip your toe in, the more you can figure out what you gravitate toward. So, ⁓
Speaker 1 (17:46)
You
Speaker 2 (17:51)
That's why I have the issue with the colleges, the way that the colleges are set up, right? Because they're so limited on your exploration aspect. And it makes it really hard to help guide people through this exploration process. So when we're talking about career stuff, one thing that I tell people to look at is do some research on what is available. Don't focus it just on
what you think you should do, but just what all is out there.
Speaker 1 (18:26)
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:27)
And then after you've done that,
Do some research on like, what does this job do? What does this job do? And look for things like what.
What am I passionate about not as a career, but just as a being like in everyday life? Like what do I enjoy doing? Do you enjoy talking? Do you enjoy researching? Do you enjoy reading? Do you enjoy writing? You know, all of that kind of stuff. Do you enjoy games? Everything. And then what careers bring some of those things into that?
Speaker 1 (18:57)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:04)
do some research on like, like get a book on that, read it and see if you enjoy learning it. If you don't enjoy learning it, move to the next thing.
Speaker 1 (19:12)
giving yourself permission to explore, to play, to have fun with it, to say, ooh, what do I like about this? And what do I like about this? And knowing that sometimes we can't just ditch our careers all of a sudden, you start bringing it into your life in other ways, different explorations as you may want to transition careers.
but it doesn't have to be an all or nothing. It gets to be a play. gets to be, can bring it in this aspect. I'll keep, you know, regular old me and the other aspects. So as we kind of look at this authentic self, what does it look like or feel like or be like when you're living in that authenticity?
Speaker 2 (20:03)
So my experience and those that I've talked to about it who have kind of gone through this process is even though it's hard and it incorporates some life changes sometimes that you may not want to do at the time, you feel more at peace with yourself, with what you're doing, with all of that. And with that sense of peace,
It seems like you can experience joy and ⁓ what we call flow in more aspects of life. Flow being when you find something that you really enjoy, it doesn't feel like you're doing it. It feels like you're just moving, like you're just working with it and everything's coming perfectly into place and everything's working out for
Speaker 1 (20:53)
Yep, lost in that space of the doing, but it's also the being. I know mental health is a really sweet spot in your heart. I want to talk a little bit about that aspect of mental health and it feels taboo, you know, and I talk about my therapy journey on the podcast, in my coaching, in my practice.
Speaker 2 (20:58)
Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:17)
But I want to bring that to light because I think it is so important that this isn't easy. And sometimes when we're stepping in and playing with, is this who I want to be? Is this my authentic self? That we have things like anxiety that pop up, that we have things like depression that pop up, that really can surface and feel scary. And we might back back down because, ooh, I don't know if I can go in that. I need to really fix.
whatever just popped up and felt scary instead of getting curious about it. Can you talk a little bit about that?
Speaker 2 (21:54)
Yeah, I think that's where...
recognizing and destigmatizing mental health is so important because a lot of people who are experiencing anxiety, depression, know, all different kinds of disturbances, they don't always recognize it themselves. Right. You know, a lot of times it's a friend or a family member or a coworker that's saying, you look tired all the time.
Speaker 1 (22:02)
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (22:27)
or you're really stressed out, I can tell you're stressed out, that kind of stuff. And we devalue that by going, no, I'm fine. Everything's okay. It's all normal. This is how I do things. And the reality is it's these little things like what you're talking about, that exploration, that dipping your toe into these different stuff. These little things can cause a little bit more stress, a little bit more anxiety, a little bit more depression, and they all build up. And then all of a sudden you're,
you're at a point with your anxiety that that one more thing causes you to shut down. Yeah. Or you're at a point with a depression where, ⁓ things that you used to enjoy, that you used to love. Now you're going, I can't even think about that anymore. And that might actually even impact your exploration and impact your sense of self. And you might not realize that it's not that that's
not something that you enjoy, but maybe that you're just in a period of depression right now where you need to take a break from that. Yeah. And then you can look at it. And this is where it's really important to make sure that you, you have the resources of mental health to be able to go, okay, people keep telling me that I'm stressed out. People keep saying that I'm doing these things or I'm recognizing the stuff. Maybe I need to get a little extra help. And that's where having a therapist to be able to
work through these issues while you're discovering yourself is so important. Yeah. And even if it's something where it's like, ⁓ I don't need therapy all the time, but every time these certain things come up, I really need someone to help me through this. That's still something that we're here for. That's still something that we manage, that we do deal with.
Speaker 1 (24:07)
Hmm?
Absolutely. And it's so important as somebody who has had been in therapy for, ⁓ my gosh, a lot of years now. And it's not necessarily consistent because sometimes it's, I'm feeling like I don't need that deeper level support. And I mean, I definitely like, you know, relaunching something in my business. was calling my therapist. Okay. We need, I hadn't talked to her in months and we need an appointment because, and I think the really big,
thing around having a therapist that you can trust and be able to open up to is that they are not in your story like your partner is, like your best friend is. You can have this little bit of removed view and somebody that you can open up with, but they're not necessarily imparting all of the emotional ties that your partner might.
They're not gonna get hurt if you're complaining about your partner and you're saying, you know, whatever you're doing, your partner is gonna get hurt. Your therapist is not gonna get hurt if you're complaining about that, right? So that separation really does help. I'm also a big person and I can't see my own bullshit. I can talk myself into something. I can talk myself out of something, but I can't necessarily see what I, what's those roadblocks.
what I'm like ignoring, what I'm putting blinders on and not, you know, calling out, but are often the things that I really need to focus on. And when I have that person to sit with and go, well, this is what I am seeing, or this is, you know, calling you out on that. That's where you make the leaps and bounds. Because you have that loving person that is impartial, that really can call you out on what's going on in your life.
and help you see and then help you have steps to change things.
Speaker 2 (26:13)
Right. And I think it's interesting that you say that because, ⁓ you know, often I'll, I'll ask someone who's who first comes in a client that's just getting started with me, you know, if they've had therapy in the past, what was helpful, what was not that kind of stuff. And the majority of the time, what I'm seeing is that people are like, I need someone to help call me out. I need someone to help identify, ⁓ you know, where my thinking patterns off that kind of stuff. Yes.
And I'm like, that's great, that's what I do, but I do more than that. I'm not just going to say it, I'm going to help you recognize it, right? We're going to work to where, you know, I want to get to know you so well that I can help you think about why you do things. And then that way, when you're doing it outside of session, I'm not the one calling you out. You might hear my voice or something, right? But realistically, it's you getting to know yourself so well.
That now you're going, okay, I recognize I'm doing this. I recognize why I'm doing this. Now I need to change it.
Speaker 1 (27:17)
Yes. I'm so glad you brought that up because it really is. And one of big things I think we do is we outsource our power. And just in the way that I just, I outsourced my power and you just gave it back saying, you know what? Yes, I'm able to call you out, but I am helping you see your own patterns. I am helping you so that when you're doing it without me there, cause then, you know,
My therapist isn't going to be walking through life with me every single day. Right. I'm recognizing it. I have the tools and the skills to be able to shift things in my life. And that is our power because we are truly healing ourselves. Right. We just have these incredible people that get to help us along the way.
Speaker 2 (28:02)
Right. We're guides. We have guide people.
Speaker 1 (28:06)
Yes,
⁓ love it. So I do want to talk about when we get in the space where we are feeling way stretched out, either anxiety, feeling a lot of feelings, feeling depression, because I know there are listeners out there and I have been in the spot where I probably should have been talking to a therapist, but I was in the
I've got this, I'm fine. I'm just gonna keep pushing through space as I was falling apart inside. You speak to that person who may not be ready or able to reach out yet, but is on that edge of I am falling apart. I feel like I'm going crazy, but I'm so scared to say it because
What happens if I say, I feel crazy?
Speaker 2 (29:08)
think the first thing to recognize is that you're not alone. It is the majority, not the minority of people who go through this exact process. reaching out is scary. It doesn't matter whether it's reaching out for your mental health or it's reaching out for help in another area of your life. Reaching out for help is scary in
Speaker 1 (29:32)
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (29:34)
and
recognizing that that's okay. It's okay for me to take the time to really think about this, to really make that decision. And then
It's just coming to that place where you can allow yourself to be okay with it, I guess. I mean, there's things that we could talk about in terms of like different tips and tricks and things like that that you can use to help manage your anxiety, all of that. I hesitate to give some of that because it's, I see clients all the time that are like, I do my own research and I've looked into these different things. And it's like, yeah, those are great. And...
If you look into mindfulness, for instance, and you look into ⁓ meditating to be able to calm yourself down, someone who has trauma in their life and tries to do internal meditation without recognizing the boundaries or recognizing the concerns that can come from that could actually do more harm than good. And it's really beneficial to have someone, like I tell people all the time,
You're the expert on your own life. You're the expert on your experiences. I just have the knowledge and ability to help you work through stuff, to help you guide through stuff. So I have to learn from you so that you can also learn from me. And then we can use like I use mindfulness all the time, but I use it in a very specific way so that people don't fail at it because it's really easy to fail.
Speaker 1 (31:17)
Yeah
Speaker 2 (31:18)
And how often do people who are struggling, who are afraid to reach out, look into something on themselves and then fail at being able to calm themselves down. And then now they're blaming themselves even more because they look at this as I can't do this. The reality isn't that you can't do it. It's that that way didn't work for you. And we need to try another way.
Speaker 1 (31:41)
Absolutely. Yes. We can't think our way out of this. We can't learn our way out of this. It is body-based. It is nervous system. is safety inside of ourselves. And if we don't tap into that, we're just doing all of the things. And I love that you really called out that we can set ourselves up for failure with meditation because that's so common. ⁓
You have the like, ⁓ I can't even do this. And you hear it recommended so much, but it isn't something that you can tap into if you don't have that safety inside your body. If it's not okay to sit with yourself in silence, in quiet, in just having something repeated, if you're listening to something, if that doesn't feel okay, you're setting yourself up for failure. So I love that you brought that up.
Speaker 2 (32:36)
Yeah. And there's still things that we can do, but we're going to, you know, if that's the case, if you're not feeling safe in your body right now, but you feel safe in the room, then we're going to do external stuff, right? We're going to do stuff that actually makes you feel safe, not stuff that makes you feel nervous and unsafe.
Speaker 1 (32:54)
Mm-hmm, right. Yeah, because we want to create that safety in our system so that we can step into that authentic self because a lot of times that authentic self doesn't feel safe. Exactly. A lot of us have not experienced or really tuned into true safety inside of our bodies. Mm-hmm. And so we're trying to control, to regulate externally so that we can feel okay.
And that's when the anxiety spikes because we lose control, because we can't control other people. And it really does kind of compound if we're starting to add on the expectations and layers and the to-dos and the journaling versus coming into that safety. And I think co-regulation, especially sitting with a therapist is so important because we're not meant to heal as an island. We're not.
to do this journey alone. And so when we can sit with somebody else who is aware of where their system is and really help us tune into our own system, it's so powerful.
Speaker 2 (34:02)
Yeah. And the idea of achieving mental wellness is not something that is, ⁓ spoke of societally very much. Yeah. So even if you're trying to do it on your own, it's difficult because there's not enough information out there. And you mentioned earlier, having
the partner or the friend or the parents or whatever trying to be that person. But that gets difficult because of like what you said, they're so invested into your life that if they're a safe person for you and you start talking about things that make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable, they can very easily become not a safe person for you. Whereas a therapist, if the therapist becomes someone who's unsafe for you, get a new therapist.
Speaker 1 (34:50)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:58)
Right? It's an entirely different relationship. We're here to help you so that you don't need us, not so that you're dependent on us.
Speaker 1 (35:08)
Absolutely. My whole thing for being a therapist is, I don't know if you've seen the movie Nanny McPhee. So, kids movie. Maybe.
Speaker 2 (35:16)
It sounds, I think I've seen it a while back.
Speaker 1 (35:19)
It's an old movie. It is, but it is something that resonated so deeply in that she says, when you need me, but don't want me, I must come. When you want me, but no longer need me, I must go. And that is like the motto I've held as a therapist. It's like, okay, cause you don't always want a therapist when you're starting.
And as an occupational therapist, a lot of situations, I was working with people who really did not like the life situation they were in. And so we're really resistant. I don't want this, but I need this. You develop that relationship and you grow, then you really love that person and you want that person. But I don't need you anymore. I've got the skills. I can go. So, you know, then we just stay friends. But it really is looking at
Speaker 2 (35:59)
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:15)
We are, we have people coming into our lives and therapists are one of them. There are these stepping stones that are stones in the path of our journey. They're not always meant to be there forever, but they're to help us along the way. And so it's okay if we work with a therapist for a while and then feel like we no longer need them.
and then maybe find a different therapist with a different space of modality after you've grown a little bit and shifted. And so it's really being okay with playing with different therapists in who fits you best because you do want to have that goodness of fit and also somebody that you trust and feel safe with because we are going into the deep dark stuff a lot of times. And my therapist,
and my husband, think are the only two that really know all of the deep dark stuff of my life. And that's not something we want to share with everybody because it's not really in our conversation, but we want to have those people that we can share because and I love Peter Levine's trauma is the absence of empathetic witness. And it's really looking at we do need that empathetic witness. We need someone to sit with us through those stories.
who can really hold that space.
Speaker 2 (37:33)
Right.
Another thing that I kind of want to highlight is talking about the goodness of fit. Not every therapist is going to be a good fit for you, right? I'm not the therapist for everybody, right? So sometimes I think people will see a therapist that they don't jive with, that they don't have that connection with, and then they'll say, oh, well, I don't need therapy. Like, that's just bad for me. I just can't do it. The reality is, is it's
Well, and even with doctors, like a lot of people have a hard time getting like second opinions and stuff with doctors, but it's the same type of type of thing. If you see someone else, you might have a completely different experience. So if you're not connecting with your therapist, it's okay to say, I'm going to try someone else and go to someone else. And what should happen in that, like what our ethics standards say is if you're
If that person says, don't feel like we're connecting, then we go, I totally get that. Let's see if we can find someone who you'll connect with. And we have resources, we have other therapists that we can, can help guide you to someone who might be a better fit.
Speaker 1 (38:50)
⁓ And most therapists won't take that personally. I can't say all
Speaker 2 (38:55)
Yeah,
I would agree. would say all but that's...
Speaker 1 (38:59)
There's gonna be those few most of us understand goodness of it and we'll be like awesome Totally get it and they feel it too. Honestly your therapist feels it too if you're not And so we can shift and for my therapist listeners because I have a lot of therapists listeners I want to shift back to what will said I Am NOT the therapist for everyone. Well, it's something like that. I really want you to hear that. You're not here to save everyone. You're not
treat everyone. We all have our goodness of fit on the therapist side and the client side. So really highlighting that.
Speaker 2 (39:36)
When you're getting to know yourself, you might start to see areas of your life that are more damaging than good.
Speaker 1 (39:46)
⁓ yes!
Speaker 2 (39:49)
And the question becomes, how do you deal with that? How do you approach that? And pruning the things that are bad in your life is a really difficult process. And it could be anything from you might have a...
an activity that you enjoy, but you recognize that it's not something that's true to yourself. It's not really something that you feel is a good part of you. And having to get rid of that or having to stop doing that activity to having a friend or even a family member that you are heavily attached to, but you recognize that you're being pulled by them.
and that you're not able to experience yourself because of that person. And then navigating how to readjust that relationship can be really difficult and really challenging.
Speaker 1 (40:54)
so glad you brought that up because it is a big thing as we are shifting and creating a healthier life for ourselves sometimes there's people there are people in our lives that are not the best for us and sometimes we have to put some boundaries some pretty strong boundaries or even cut them out all together
Speaker 2 (41:10)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:19)
especially for a little bit, it might not be forever. We might regain that sense of self where we can be, I can be me. And I just had talked to a friend about this where she went back to a family reunion and she's like, oh my gosh, I was able to maintain me and be around all of these toxic people. And it's not that our family members necessarily intend to be toxic.
and we don't have to put blame and it's not our parents' fault and they were doing the best they could. I mean, we can go over all of that. Lovingly say these people are doing the best they can and they are not the best thing for me right now. And so it is hard to put in those boundaries. It is hard and I found with so many of my clients who are changing themselves that there's pushback from other people because they're no longer reacting and interacting.
Speaker 2 (42:00)
Right.
Speaker 1 (42:15)
in the same way that they did. Those other expectations of, ⁓ this is how it's going to be. And then we change it and they have to catch up. And a lot of times those other people do catch up and they're able to shift and they're able to be really welcoming to the new person that you are. I don't love new person to the authentic person that you are.
Speaker 2 (42:17)
Right.
Speaker 1 (42:42)
But there is that like really tough sticky zone of them getting used to how you're now reacting and behaving. That's okay. That's normal. That's expected, but it's hard when you're going through it.
Speaker 2 (42:57)
Right. And if you've never put up boundaries before, you have this duality of it's uncomfortable for me because I have to do this. And the other person might start reacting or lashing out in ways you're not used to because you've never done it before. Right. And that can make it even harder.
Speaker 1 (43:21)
Yes, absolutely. And if you think humans are typically on a like eight to 12 year old emotional level for most of us running around, a lot of times when we put those boundaries out, it kind of feels like you're dealing with an eight to 12 year old emotional level. I a seven year old, so I'm very familiar with the emotional boundaries. It is like when you're putting boundaries for kiddos that when you put something and you say, I'm sorry, we can't have candy for breakfast.
Speaker 2 (43:39)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:51)
There is pushback and we expect the pushback with kids. We don't necessarily expect that there's gonna be pushback when we put a boundary with an adult, but we should because it's a change and change is hard and we have to renegotiate and re-navigate how we're interacting with someone. So it's really just holding around, knowing, okay, knowing if you go back.
That's okay too. And then you can restructure that boundary if you need to. It's not an all or nothing thing. It is an experience where we're playing with it, where sometimes we have the capacity to really hold those boundaries very lovingly. And sometimes we don't and we feel run over or we put them up really, really strong and firm and it comes across a little bit too much. And that's of the growing process.
Speaker 2 (44:45)
Yeah, and it's kind of thinking back with the analogy of like the garden. When we talk about pruning, a lot of people think that we're talking about like cutting out completely. The reality is, is that pruning isn't cutting it out completely, it's reshaping it to have it grow in a different way or in a better way, right? So putting up boundaries is actually more like pruning that relationship so that you can have one that's beneficial rather than detrimental.
Speaker 1 (45:14)
love that. I love that visual because it really is, it's just restructuring. We don't have to, you know, we don't have to get rid of anything that we don't want to get rid of. We can give new jobs, new directions, know, shift it, shape it in different ways and still have it as part of our life.
Speaker 2 (45:35)
Right.
Speaker 1 (45:37)
That's incredible. Any last parting words that you would like to share before we're done?
Speaker 2 (45:42)
really just.
Not everybody realizes that they need help and not everybody realizes they're not being true to themselves. And that's okay. It's okay to not realize it. It's okay to not recognize it. It's a growing process and it's something that ⁓ as you grow and as you learn, you come to those realizations and then you start being able to reach out for help and you start being able to recognize that you need to do something.
Speaker 1 (46:14)
Mm-hmm. And it's okay if we have partners or family that don't recognize it. Right. We might. I always talk about planting seeds. Sometimes we are planting seeds for people and whether they decide to tend and grow that seed to take on that, okay, I do have a struggle or a problem and I probably do need extra support. That's their journey. Plant the seeds. But it's not our job to force and make. And it's also, it's our job to tune in and get curious about ourselves.
but at her own pace and at her own space and giving yourself grace as you go through.
Speaker 2 (46:46)
Yep. Yep.
Speaker 1 (46:49)
⁓ you're incredible. I have a conversation. I am sure there are listeners out there that are really connecting with you and want to continue this conversation. How do people connect with you?
Speaker 2 (47:02)
So if you go to elementalhealth.com or if you search Ellie mental health Greeley, you can find our clinic, the Ellie mental health clinic in Greeley, Colorado. And I've got a profile on there. There's directions to get signed up for services on there. So it's really easy, basic, that kind of stuff. And then also on psychology today, if you look in the Greeley area and you look for Will Ritter,
On psychology today, I'll pop up there. So it's pretty easy to find me there. I'm also on Facebook, just will Ritter on Facebook. it's all my content therapy stuff. You'll see it.
Speaker 1 (47:45)
Which is awesome. I know I stalked your Facebook profile. Did you? yeah. Let's see what you're putting up before I'm like, yeah, let's do this interview. So I want to say it's Ellie, E-L-L-I-E. And you're doing Ellie. And he has a cute little elephant logo, So I will put all of Will's contact information in the show notes. Do you do virtual sessions or just in person?
Speaker 2 (47:59)
Correct.
I do, I do both in-person and virtual. ⁓ We accept ⁓ all insurances. If your insurance is from a different state, there might be some issues, but if you have a Colorado insurance, then it's usually not a problem, including Medicaid and Medicare. So we also take those. And ⁓ if you're in the Greeley area,
then obviously you can come in or we can do virtual, whatever. If you're in Colorado, then if you prefer virtual, we can do virtual, but I am licensed in Colorado. So that's kind of my, my boundary, I guess.
Speaker 1 (48:50)
the wheelhouse. Beautiful. my goodness. Thank you so much. I really appreciate the time and the conversation.
Speaker 2 (48:58)
You're welcome.
Landy Peek (49:00)
my gosh, thank you Will for helping us release it and the...
A huge thanks to Will for sharing his practical no-nonsense insights on getting real with ourselves. If you found something useful today, pass it along, share this episode. A lot of humans are rediscovering their authentic selves. And if you're curious about working with Will or talking to him more, whether you're in Greeley or online, you'll find his info in the show notes.
Keep questioning the shoulds and trust your own gut. Remember, this work isn't about perfection. It's about clarity. It's about remembering who you really are. And because I think it is so important, I wanna say you are smart. You are creative, you are fun, you are talented. You are making a difference in this world just by being here in this world. I am so grateful.
that you are in my life. I love you and I like you and I'll catch you on the next episode.
my gosh, thank you Will for helping us release it and the...
A huge thanks to Will for sharing his practical no-nonsense insights on getting real with ourselves. If you found something useful today, pass it along, share this episode. A lot of humans are rediscovering their authentic selves. And if you're curious about working with Will or talking to him more, whether you're in Greeley or online, you'll find his info in the show notes.
Keep questioning the shoulds and trust your own gut. Remember, this work isn't about perfection. It's about clarity. It's about remembering who you really are. And because I think it is so important, I wanna say you are smart. You are creative, you are fun, you are talented. You are making a difference in this world just by being here in this world. I am so grateful.
that you are in my life. I love you and I like you and I'll catch you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (51:26)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace
any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious.
Because that's the fun in this world.
