Landy Peek (00:36)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. This is your friend and host,
Landy Peak
Landy Peek (00:41)
And I am so excited to welcome Kristina Ambrosia. She is a creative midwife helping us guide into our own stories so that we can see ourselves as the hero or heroine in our own lives. Kristina, welcome. I'm so excited to have you here. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for the invitation. So tell our listeners a little bit about you.
and how you became a creative midwife So I kind of had a very normal, normal, if that's even a thing, And, you know, grew up with, I think a pretty like easy peasy life. And I thought that I like followed all the rules. ⁓
I was a good girl, you know. And so I thought that meant that kind of everything would just work out, like in this nice little fairy tale package. ⁓ And it didn't, basically. I got divorced probably, my daughter's 15, like 12 years ago. And it was just a really dark time in my life. I lost my marriage, I lost my home, I had lost my job right before that. ⁓
And so it was just a really dark part of the journey for me. And I was desperate to feel better. And so I kind of threw myself into a whole bunch of things, creative practice, yoga, running, meditation, writing, really anything you would fire walking. I mean, I've done a of things and some of it stopped.
you know, all these years later and some of it didn't and that's okay, but really what happened in the process was just this unraveling or unfolding of like all of these women that lived inside of me ⁓ and knowing that it actually worked out just how it was supposed to ⁓ and even those kind of dark parts of the journey. You know, I can look back now and see the different doors ⁓ that they open into this new life that I
would have never have imagined back then. ⁓ It's kind of like a baby. I was scared to do a lot on my own. had gone straight from, married my high school sweetheart. So I went straight really from my parents' house to living in a dorm to living with him and just not, I had never been truly on my own. And so, you know, those first few years after the divorce, I was still very timid. And then I,
got sick of waiting around ⁓ for permission or for people to take the journey with me. ⁓ And once I hit that point, there was really no turning back. I've traveled internationally alone now. I lead women's retreats. I kind of do all of the things. And it was just this magic. Kind of like the pain was the magic door to the other side.
That's an incredible way to look at it. The pain is the magic door to the other side. Can you walk us through a little bit? Cause as we talked before we got on, we had talked about how you use the hero's journey to help you see that there was power in your story, that you could flip the switch to the magic is in the pain. Yeah, absolutely. I think what we.
you know, watch a film or listen to a great piece of music that has a story to it or read a brilliant novel. We're kind of like always cheering for the underdog. We can see their trials and tribulations as just necessary parts of the journey. But when we're kind of going through those same trials and tribulations, we self shame, we
maybe get caught in addiction, we shop too much or sleep around, don't like whatever, it can take a lot of different forms, right? But we often aren't seeing that, that dip in the story or that kind of dark place as.
just the rising action, right? To the climax and then this kind of happy ending. And I would argue that actually endings are far more than just happy. They would be pretty boring if they were just happy. So I thought, you know, everyone's story seems interesting unless it's our own. And then we kind of clam up and just say like, my life, like not really that exciting or that interesting or nobody wants to know about me. And really people are just,
fascinating. ⁓ Even people who seem to live quite ordinary lives. And so I really just kind of wanted to capture that. I wrote a book. ⁓ It's not published yet. I'm currently agent shopping, but it really walks readers through there's very kind of distinct steps to the hero's journey. So Joseph Campbell's kind of
like the godfather of this journey. And you can like track it. You watch Star Wars, you can pinpoint, okay, the hero's leaving the known world. Here's the call away. Here's the refusal of the call. Here's crossing the threshold. Here's where he meets the magic guide, you know, or sidekick. And so when I wrote the book, I follow through those steps using both memoirs. So here was my known world. And then each chapter has this, what I call a call and response where it situates
the reader in that same spot in the story. And through various exercises, they kind of get to take the journey alongside me. And I think hopefully we meet up in some of those scary places and meeting up with someone makes it a little less scary. I think that is so incredible. I love the quote that we think other people's lives are interesting unless it's our own.
Like when we're looking at people's stories, we do, we dive into those stories. But when we look at our own, it's like, ugh, there's not much there. I haven't made anything of myself yet. I haven't done what I wanted to do. And we dismiss. Yeah, perfect word. The experiences that we have had, the richness that we bring. And I love that you brought this in so that each of us can sit with you and your story
and really look at our own story too and see how can we step into our own story and see us in that light where we are going through a journey. And this doesn't mean we're gonna have a happily ever after. Cause they don't think that's really what we're after. We're looking for the richness. We're looking for the experiences, right? The movie ends at the happily ever after. What we love about the movie is the experiences that we experienced along with the care.
And I love that you're wrapping that into that. Yeah. And there's so much. So I spent many years in academia. I taught college composition really for decades now. But, you know, there is a whole field of psychology now, this kind of narrative therapy that does a lot of this work. ⁓
writing more redemption sequences into your story, which we do some of that in the call and response. There's archetypal studies, you know, how do we identify different archetypes that we embody and how does that help us move through the world differently and maybe with a greater sense of curiosity ⁓ and not such a sense of I really messed this up because
Like you are your most beloved protagonist and really your beloved, ⁓ probably because of your screw ups. Like nobody resonates with the girl who has a perfect life and nothing bad happens. Like I don't want to read that story. The story doesn't have that depth. It's pretty boring. Right. We can see it on that surface. It is depth. It is the struggles. It is the triumphs. It is the getting knocked down and getting back up.
that we thrive on when we're listening and reading and viewing other people's lives. But it's the things that we really turn away from on our own. And it's like a lot of women, especially women, are waiting for permission. We're waiting for permission to finish the story, to start the story, to really...
see our own story. We're just going through the day to day and struggling and frustrated that we're not where we are. And I love that little bit of a reframe in like, oh, wait, we get to be in the story. And there are multiple ways to do the story. I think one of the things I really struggled with as a mom was I had an amazing mom, like the best, but I'm not the same type of mother that she is. And so for,
many years I carried around this guilt of like doing it differently. I traveled a lot when my daughter was young. you know, and I think I had to get out of my own head of people viewing that as selfish or not being a good mom or putting my set like I remember my mom saying once, you know, you have a daughter now your life isn't your own. I viewed it very differently. Like I hope I'm teaching my my daughter different things. ⁓
that in fact her life is her own, regardless of, know, of course she carries generational stuff with her and, you know, qualities of me and her grandma and, you on and on and on. But like, I always want her to feel like her life is her own, even when she messes up or her, like, I want them to be her mistakes. And so there was a lot of just kind of,
And I still struggle with this. There's a chapter in the book about the monsters that we meet. And one I call like my mom monster. Like I'm not a typical mom. I got demoted as Girl Scout mom, forgetting the snacks. Like, I mean, the list goes on. I am getting calls from camp counselors because I'm a very scattered person. But now after having written the book, you know, I'm learning to look at these things that before I may have classified as shortcomings.
And now I think of kind of my scatteredness or my sensitivity or my, you might even call it recklessness, ⁓ as what makes me into a good artist too. Like I don't know that I could be the writer that I am or the creative midwife I am if I were any different. So. And I think that is such a key lesson. And I really want to bring us back to
It is your life. And as your mom said, and that is something I have heard as well, that when you become a mom, it's no longer your life. And I think that is such a toxic belief that so many women bite into, but we then give up our life. then become, we are living, breathing for our children, for our husbands, for our families. We are being burned out and drained because we're not seeing this as ours.
I try and get women, I often hear, like, I want to but. And I'm like, but can you say, like, I want to, but I'm a mom, or, you know, I want to, but my husband, you know, is relying on me at home. And I try and say, but can you say I'm a mom and, and I still want to travel the world and I want to have a successful career? And
And I don't want to make it sound easy. Like I think that you can get into kind of dangerous territory there. But I think that there are ways to feed.
those things that we really need to ⁓ inside of us or else we're not gonna be the kind of mom or wife or friend that people really wanna spend much time around anyway. So. Absolutely. And that's the key is we need to feed ourselves. We need to feed those parts of us. We don't have to give up. And you tapped into my favorite word, which is and, but we need to need, we can take out the need.
I invite women who are listening to really look at things with that and perspective that I can be a mom and whatever else you want to be. And motherhood may look different for you and your kiddos than what you experienced with your own mom. mean, mine definitely looks very different than my childhood. How I'm rearing my kids is very different than my childhood. And it doesn't mean one is
good or bad or better than the other. It is what fits me. And I parent my children differently because my children are very different human beings. And so what works with my daughter does not work with my son and vice versa because they're such different personalities. And I get to show them that I get to be me too. And I get to take up space and I get to hold what
I find dear to me and I get to do the things that I want to do. Not that I'm neglecting them, but really that I'm modeling it. yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say, you know, there's a part in the book where I talk about origin stories and it's interesting how many of us don't even view our parents.
as anything other than our parents. And so when I was writing this book, as I'm sitting here saying like, well, I want to do it my way. I thought, well, God, I don't think my mom did it her way. I think she sacrificed a lot for us. And she ended up really sick. ⁓ And I would say because of that, like the total caretaking for everybody else all of the time. But I thought, what do I really know about my mom?
Yeah, she retired from General Motors, but I don't think, you know, in second grade she was like, I want to work in labor relations at a manufacturing plant. Like I have no idea what her dreams were or what her fears were or why she fell in love with the first man she fell in love with. Like literally knew none of that. And it was just very eye opening to me that our parents have these lives that go way beyond us.
I didn't know because I never asked the questions. so the book was really nice in terms of it actually nourished the relationship I have with my mom coming back to some of these.
these questions about like, from where do you come? Like I really want it to know that on a deeper level, you know, like what were your fears? What's the most shameful thing you've ever done? you know, so. It's a big thing. I mean, I, like you as an adult, when I actually realized my parents were humans with their own issues, their own struggles and their, you know, at some level, but when you got to see them as human and we got to set,
and not just they're just my parents, but they're actually humans with their own struggles. And it gave me more empathy for especially my mom in the choices that she made and the things that she did and the things that, you know, as a kid, I might've been like, ⁓ but really understanding it as a human. And I think it's such a key thing when we can go back and we can get curious and we can understand and learn about who came before us.
and having conversations with parents and grandparents if we have them available to see was their story. Because their stories are fascinating. And again, it's easy to dismiss our own story for the previous generations, but our stories are fascinating. Can you talk a little bit about how we can meet ourselves in this messy in-between space where we don't feel like we're
on top of the world. We don't feel like we're like, this is where I want to be. And we're no longer in that space that this is who I was. It's this becoming, it's in the middle of the story. And before I go there, would you cue us in a little bit, because I think we skipped over, talking a little bit more about the hero's journey and give a little bit of an idea of how that goes, and then talk about this messy in-between space.
Yeah, so kind of the abridge kind of main steps of the hero's journey is you're in this known world, you're called away. Oftentimes you refuse the call, sometimes multiple times. still have to make the journey though. So with or without your consent, you sometimes we stumble into it and sometimes we're ready for the adventure. ⁓ So then kind of once you start off on this journey,
you cross various thresholds. And this is where I think like the real juices that I call it. There's a quote I reference in my book, a man who wrote these wilds beyond our fences, letters to my daughter on the state of humanity or something like that. But he talks about middling. And I love this idea of middling. He says, the ocean is constantly enacting the shore. And I just thought that is so beautiful to think about.
that we are in this constant state of unraveling. And really we end up in a lot of ways where we began, but it's all different. So you kind of cross all these thresholds, right? You slay the dragons. There's usually a part in the hero's journey where you meet some kind of ⁓ guide or sage or mentor. Like if you think of a Disney movie, they always have the sidekick animal, right? So you kind of like meet this person.
to help you and to maybe give you some insider secrets of how to do this thing. ⁓ There's usually some sort of magic elixir involved ⁓ or talisman. And then kind of once you gain all of this wisdom that you can only gain from having taken the journey, ⁓ you return to your community with that knowledge and you share that knowledge. So that's kind of like the hero's journey.
in a nutshell and there are, know, certain versions or more, they add some more steps in there, but that's kind of the, the nuts and bolts of it, I would say. Beautiful. Yes. So from this space, how do we come in when we're feeling like we're in this in-between space? We know we don't want to be who we were, like that we're, we've outgrown that. It feels tight. It feels sticky, but we're not who we are becoming yet.
And we're just in the like, my life is boring. I'm not making it. I don't have what I want yet. I'm not quite sure how to get there in this. Maybe even life is crashing on one side, but we don't have a clear picture on the other side. What do we do? How do we use the hero's journey to get us there?
So much of what I talk about in the book is like a curation of like leaning on people who have been through these various parts of the journey, right? And it's kind of a curation of the best tools that I've learned and then riffing off those tools. And so there's one exercise that I think would be great. And it, it hearkens back to what you mentioned earlier about the and being your favorite word that, you know, you can be more than just this singular identity.
⁓ and I call it wonderlanding something. So I call it, let's wonderland it. And I think back to Alice in Wonderland, who, you know, in the fairy tale, she falls down the rabbit hole, kind of what you're talking about, right? Like, I'm not here, I'm not there, but I don't know where I am. And I don't know what to do. Right. And she
she sees those bottles and the little treat that says, drink me, eat me, right? And she grows, she grows up and then she shrinks down. And so this idea of really trying on, I would say both ideas and identities in different sizes. And so one exercise I have in the book, because sometimes I think people hear these podcasts or hear a speaker and they're like, ⁓ easy for you. I, you know, like when I read eat, love, I love Elizabeth Gilbert, but
of the backlash against some of that book is like, well, of course, if I had a million dollars to go to Italy and India and Indonesia, like, I could be my best self too, right? But that's not practical. So what I try and do in the books is like,
Make it so that anybody can do these things, right? And in this exercise called Wonderland, I say start with kind of a dream that you have. So let's say mine was I have a dream to write a book, right? And then I say, okay, now I want you to grow that dream three sizes or two sizes bigger. So I have a dream to write a book. I have a dream to sell some copies. I have a dream to be a New York Times bestseller.
So like you're expanding your current reality, right? That's the first part is like you have to be able to at least imagine beyond where you currently sit. So once people do that with whatever their thing is, then I ask them to shrink that down so that it becomes actually actionable. So now I go back to that original, I wanna write a book and then I shrink it. So I wanna write a chapter a day and then I shrink it even further. I wanna write a page a day.
You can shrink it even further. I want to write a paragraph in a day. And really, it's that dance between what our ideal is and our actions, where the alchemy is. And that's where the magic happens. mean, for me, the thought of sitting down to write a book feels completely overwhelming, even though I've said for years I want to do it. It's one thing to say it, right? But when you think, I can write a page a day, well, guess what? At the end of the year, that's
365 pages, is the length of kind of most books, right? And so it becomes actionable and not completely overwhelming. And I think that's where, you when we get ahead of ourselves and the overwhelm, that's kind of where we just quit because it just seems too big. But I don't want people to be too small. So I want them to think really big.
but then just shrink it down till they can start to build some momentum towards this new life that they want for themselves or this new identity. I think I'm not a numbers kind of girl. So anything math, science, finances, I really don't like. ⁓ But I think when I got divorced, a friend gifted me Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Academy.
And I thought, I don't want to read that. Like, this is boring. I don't care about any of this. But I was a single mom. It was on my own for the first time. And really the guilt of it having been gifted to me, I was like, well, I should do it. But he had these really interesting YouTube videos. And it was actually a fantastic course. He was much more entertaining than I would have anticipated. But he talks about the snowball effect when he's teaching people to pay down debt. And he says, know, mathematics
if you have a bunch of credit card debt, it makes sense to pay those ones like the ones where you have the highest balance and the highest interest first. But what happens is people get so overwhelmed by the thought of never being able to pay that amount of debt down that they just quit. And he says, so even though like mathematically it might make sense, he kind of encourages people to take those cards with only a couple hundred dollars. And then you start to like,
get those reward, you you're like, can do this. Like, I'm seeing, I'm gaining that momentum. And so that was kind of when I say I riff off a couple different ideas. You know, there's some of that in there. There's James Clear Atomic Habits references, ⁓ really coming up with your own magic bag of tools of like, what works for you. And so I think a lot of the book is the way we make it through the middle,
I would say is action. Even if it's the wrong action, you then know what to do next instead of sitting in this place of just stasis and not moving. So I think starting with those really small actions, taking a different way to work, like saying yes to something you wouldn't normally say yes to, making an awkward ask. ⁓ And I tell people,
So much of it is just putting yourself out there and like being willing.
to fail or like eventually you get a yes, like just in a sheer luck of the universe, right? Like if you put yourself out there enough, you eventually kind of get a chance or an opportunity or a yes. And so I think when you're in that middling place,
taking the small, if you're scared, like the smallest action that you can, that's going to move you closer to that person that you wanna be. I love that. I think such a huge takeaway from that that I'm getting is number one, just that small action. But I love how you use the Wonderland where you're big, let's think big, but then come back down and we can play with.
It's not just a concrete, think this way, but you think about Alice and she's taking a bite and all of sudden big and all of a sudden small. And so that playfulness in there. And I wanna highlight that yes, action is where the magic starts happening. But even if you take a wrong action, wrong quote unquote, it just tells you what you don't want. And then you...
turn around and go the other way. It's all just gathering information. Exactly. It's just information. And when we're looking at it as just information, we just get to gather, we just get to play. It is such a different way to view our life instead of like, am stuck and I am out here. tell my clients when you're in that stuck space, not overwhelmed space. When you're writing your to-do list, put the first
actionable step right down there when you do it. Because usually when we're in a to-do list format, we're like thinking and we're clear. It's then the doing that we get stuck in. So if you put, you know, your very first thing and whatever it is, and then going to write a book, write chapter one, write paragraph one, or write one word. That can be, but it's then when you look at your list, you have that
actionable step. You know, I've had people take calendars to just a blank calendar for the month. take, know, take your calendar for the next month. And I would say, you know, that first week, right, something you could do every day that takes under an hour to do. And then on that next week, something every day that takes under a day to do. And that third week under a week. And so you start kind of building these
These wins. And you know, I love that you brought up play. It reminds me of ⁓ Jensen Saros, You Are a Badass, which I love that book too. And she kind of would say, for that example of, know, I want to write a book or I'm going to write a book. She says, you know, make it playful, change it to, I just want to see what happens if I, and somehow that I just want to see what happens if I.
Apply to be on a pad cast. I just want to see what will happen if I call my friend from 5th grade and so it takes that pressure off of it and I mean it even just saying it that way feels so much lighter to me like it's not this be all and end all thing. You know, I just want to see what will happen if I apply for the job. it shifts everything. Yes, I play a game with my clients and it's the no game.
And the whole game, the whole goal is to see how many no's you can collect because it takes off the, my gosh, I'm going to get rejected for putting myself out there. If we're celebrating every single no, then they're letting me know they have a no, they're excited about a no, we have ways that we're going to celebrate the no's. And what we find is the no's are so much less than the yeses. And then
Yes, we get to celebrate the yeses, but the real game is focused on the no and it takes off the pressure of the yes. And those yeses get to be bonus and surprise and fun when we're like, I'm gonna do like this really hairy, scary, big thing, cause I'm gonna get a no. There's no way if I apply to, you know, the Mel Robbins podcast, will she actually take me? And so, you know, but that big step are the things that really launch you forward into where you wanna be.
And want to circle around to something that you said, cause you said be not do. Who do you want to be getting closer to who you want to be? And I think that's such a key. Cause we look at what can we do? What can we accomplish? What are all the things that I can, you know, list on my wall, but it comes to that person that you want to be. And it starts with that person more than anything else that we can do. And if you can ground.
kind of yourself and those values. Because those can't be taken from you. You can lose the job, you can lose the man, you can lose your children even, right? But if you are grounding your identity in like, I'm a creative person, I am a spunky person, I am a resilient person, I am a loyal person, like those can't be as easily if ever.
taken from you. ⁓ And so there's power in that. He reminded me of something else. when you were saying your no game. So I kept an Excel spreadsheet of a failure log. And I would challenge myself five things every month that I would try and get that no to. And it's funny. I guess it depends on the things, right? Like I had a lot of no's. But I was reaching pretty high. But then those few yeses were.
I mean, working with dream companies, like uncommon goods, like I did ⁓ an uncommon experience for them. So I maybe had 50 no's, but that one yes made it all worthwhile. And so I was just talking to my 15-year-old about this as I'm shopping the book, because you get a lot of rejection ⁓ with your first book. And it's hard. Even though I've written all these things, I need to kind of coach myself. ⁓
it can be really disheartening and you're like, who do I think I am? So I was talking to Olivia and I said, for every no I get, I'm gonna try and send out three more query letters, but I build in rewards. So I said, once I get 25, I'm going to get the Japanese head massage that I've been wanting to do forever. And so I said, what do you wanna work on? And she said, she doesn't love trying new things, or total.
polar opposite personalities. And so I said, well, that can be yours. And I go, what's going to be your reward? And she's like, we're going to go to Australia. I'm like, maybe that might be like 100. I'm funding all of these. So maybe you could get a manicure for your 25. But to your point, if you can set it up so it's a win-win. So even when I'm losing, I'm winning because I'm getting my Japanese head massage. I'm going on a trip. Whatever does it for you.
the play in that, and that I can't lose, because if it's a no, I win, and if it's a yes, I win, really, to your point, makes all the difference. It really does.
A lot of the things when we're looking at putting ourselves out there, it feels really big. It feels really daunting. It feels really scary. So talking about how we can make that feel like a win-win, one of the things I have found is really putting out what can I do in a two minute timer? Because you can do almost anything for two minutes or sometimes it's even less, right? So I can create the email.
but it takes that 30 seconds of hitting send that really is the like gut clenching, my gosh, this is big, right? Making that post on Facebook, making that, you know, sending that email to your list or email to the big company, making that phone call, putting in an application for a job. A lot of those things that feel very big, hairy, scary, they really take so short of time.
to finally send. And so sometimes I found is we can get that background, we can get the email, we can get whatever you need written and how you like it, but then set that timer and just do it. And a lot of times really incredible things shift just from your energy of, my gosh, I just did it. I took that step from me. And whether I get a yes or no, that's separate.
but I took the step for me that I needed to take. And that's such a huge part. That's like when you're in that hero's journey and you really step out into, okay, I'm doing this. And I think knowing your own kind of patterns has been really helpful for me. So I tend to, you know, tell my girlfriends or, you know, someone's going through a hard time. I'm like, okay.
the old cliche, like the only thing constant is change. So when I come on that upswing, I try and milk it for everything it's worth. It's like when I'm feeling good, I'm like, I'm gonna hit the gym, I'm gonna write a chapter in my book, I'm gonna, because I know my pattern personally, that then I like, I dip and I don't wanna do anything. And I'm like going through all the victims, you know, I'm a victim and nobody loves me and I've worked so hard and everybody else get whatever.
But I know for me, I'm like, okay, like, it's okay, you're gonna be here for a day or two and let yourself. But as soon as I get that uptick of energy, I really try and milk it for everything it's worth and like keep that kind of high emotional frequency, right? Yes. And just knowing humans, we cycle, like we cycle with the moon, we cycle with the seasons as women.
If we're having menstrual cycles, we're cycling. So there is that natural up and down. And sometimes it's more drastic and sometimes it's more spread out and drawn out. But if we start thinking in that we are going to cycle, that we are going to have an up and then we're going to have a down, just like you said, we can start using that for our benefit. We can start really saying, this is where I'm up. Let's use it. Yes. let me rest when I come down and not.
go into the shame cycle. You know, when you said, you know, the cycles of nature. in a lot of a part of my book, just like when we look at the heroes on film or in song or in literature, and we're cheering for them, like we don't
get pissed off that the wave is like it's high tide and then it's low tide or you know like we just accept that as part of the the magic. Yeah. It's essence right and so I think getting out in nature is such a good way when you were asking for ideas when you're stuck in that middling space of go look in nature and try and find kind of go on your hero's quest right things in the state of becoming.
Because nature is full of that, right? Like the buds on the flowers right now. I have hydrangeas, right? Two days ago, there was nothing there. In 48 hours, I can see things starting to break through, right? Or I live in Ohio, so I'm in the snow belt, seeing that ice on my windshield in the winter months. knowing, like applying that same trust, like I know it's going to melt, right? So applying that same trust and faith,
to our own cycles, I think is huge. It's powerful. it shifts us out of that, my gosh, I'm stuck forever. Life is like horrible. Nothing's gonna happen. I can't do anything. No matter what I put out there, it's not coming back. I'm trying to be positive, but I feel negative. Right. shift that comes in. And if we look at this, okay, this is a cycle and this is the up and down.
And I am somebody that tracks my menstrual cycle really religiously because I know, Ooh, I'm going to have some days that are going to where I don't want to do anything. And days I'm crabby and days that my word recall and speeches not as on top of it as I want to be. Thank you, Perry. Meta-POS really coming in and saying, okay, so those are the days that I don't want to schedule a podcast interview. Those are the days that I want to.
look and say, okay, let me give myself more space. Let me do a little bit of up and down. I love titration where we do just a little bit coming in and it's okay. I'm going to do a little bit of work, but I'm also going to give myself and I'm lucky I get to work from home, but I'm also going to give myself that space to go sit on the couch and read a book for an hour for my lunch instead of trying to be productive and busy on those days.
So I can still get what I need to get done, but I also can be really conservative around my energy, around my time, around the space that I need. I'm kind to myself and okay, I don't have the get up and go. I might not work out this morning because I don't have that space where the mornings that I'm like, I am on it. I'm like out there doing it, let's push. And so it's recognizing that,
say something because it's so true right and we're also a contradiction and being okay with like our multiple selves and that we can contradict ourselves so yes not pushing ourselves but and this feels like a contradiction which is what made me think of that but also I would challenge you to
I at least, when we go back to that action, say like, James Clear in his Atomic Habits talks about this two minute rule. So he's like, I'm just gonna do it for two minutes. And so I like, even if I'm not in the mood and I'm on my period or whatever, I might say to myself, just to get that action, I'm gonna do it for two minutes. And if I wanna quit, I'm gonna quit and not feel any guilt about it. It's interesting. Sometimes I'll do it for the two minutes and I'm like, yeah, that sucked. And I'm done now.
But more often than not, something clicks in your brain. So he talks a lot about habit stacking and stuff. So he says, if I don't want to run, I just make myself put on my running shoes. And then if I don't want to go out the door, I don't. But it's almost like your mind, once those shoes are on, they know what happens next. And so a lot of times, if I'll just say, I'm just going to do it for two minutes and set that timer, it's that getting started that is the hardest part.
And then often I will get into a state of flow or because I've taken that pressure off, right, of myself. So yes, and you know, yes, no, your cycles and when you need a break and still maybe you push yourself to take that tiniest action before you take the break and just feel it out. Absolutely. And it's really tuning in and tapping in and saying, okay, I can try this and I can quit if I want to.
And it's tuning into the system that is the big key that I'm hearing with you is it's not like, let's just push through for an hour long, even though I don't like it. Let's play with the line. Let's play with, can I step into still fulfilling and doing what I need to do? Like going for a run and I want to go for a run. This is something that is important to me. I'm going to put on the shoes. I'm going to step out and do it for two minutes. And if I hate it and come back,
that's listening to my system and I'm coming back. Yes, I love that. And it's really honoring what you need and want in your life at the same time of what energy level and capacity you have in your life. And that two minute or put on your shoes is that stretch of, ah, am I going to do this? Can I do this balance that you get to play with? Yeah, I, you know, I'm thinking too, I read this story once of
You're making me think too, who is defining? So often, we are allowing other people to define what is success or what counts or what doesn't. There's this great story of Van Gogh, and he's out in his yard painting one day. And the neighbor's like, oh, are you? No, I'm sorry. So I'm going to screw it up. He's out resting, laying under the sun. And the neighbor peeks over the fence and says, oh, is today a rest day? And he's like, no, I'm working.
And then the next day he's at his easel painting and the neighbor comes over and says like, what are you doing today? Are you working? And he's like, no, I'm resting. And so this idea of like, who's defining work and rest. And this is something I've struggled with. I don't always have to be producing to be creating. Some of it is about that integration and about resting.
and getting into a dream state and seeing what comes up there. And so I think so often in our culture, particularly, it's like we have a very distinct idea of what doing looks like. But that's not always like some of my best doing happens when I'm, you know.
looking at the clouds in my yard, feeling the sun on my face, like that idea comes or something like that. So getting away from this, I just think you nailed it when you said play and embracing the play. I just read the book, Range, I think David Epstein's the author, but he has this line about flirting with your possible selves. And I love that idea of like, how do I flirt with different versions of myself?
Kind of like that, just want to see what happens if. Like I just want to flirt with the version of me that's a really confident, articulate writer. Or I just want to flirt with the version of me that is an adventure and doesn't need a plan. Or, you know, I want to flirt with myself that is very type A and get shit done because I have a schedule and there's room for all of those selves. I think the problem comes when
when we assume that there's not or that they can't work in tandem with one another. Absolutely. It's the and it's when we can really allow all of those parts of us to come forward, to be able to have a say, have a part in our life and not have to turn down one to your hero and villain. Like as much as I talk about we're the hero in our own stories, like being okay that we're likely a villain in someone else's or being the
the wizard and the protagonist or the scared child making the journey or whatever. Yes. And we have space for all of those. And we get to get curious and play with all those. I love the flirt idea. We get to flirt with the different parts of us and we get to try things out before we actually step into it. And that I think is the key where it gets so scary of, my gosh.
I'm gonna be like, I am a writer and I'm gonna own this. And what if I flop? And then we get the pressure and then we back off instead of, I'm gonna flirt. I'm gonna play with the idea of me being a writer. I'm gonna just, what if I was, let's play with that. Let's see if I just write something, how does that feel for me? Do I see myself as a writer? And we start changing the script because it's no longer this concrete thing. Go ahead.
I was just going to say you walked right into it when you said script, because I do believe often like words or spells. I always tell my daughter like, watch what you say. Like you're listening. So that's that negative self-talk. And it's really hot. know, a lot of us too, I rely on that as kind of my sense of humor is very self-deprecating. It feels safe to do that. Like I'm going to point out my flaw before you do, all of those things, but I'm
really trying and learning that like our words, I mean as a writer I should know this right, like our words have power and so trying not to take on identities ourselves that I no longer want to flirt with. ⁓ that's a really powerful thought that there are parts of us, the selves of us, the identities that we've had in the past or identities that we've carried now that we no longer
want to flirt with. And we have that choice. And I think choice is so powerful. Really seeing that we do have a choice. one of my biggest kind of aha moments was seeing that I do have a choice, even though it's making a choice I don't necessarily like. But
I could make choices that I would like even less. I came to a point in my ⁓ relationship, I hated where I lived, blamed him because it was his job that got us there. And what I really realized was that radical responsibility of I'm choosing to stay here because I'm choosing to stay married. I could divorce and I could leave this town. I could.
figure out how to live separately in different towns and stay married, I could come up with a whole bunch of other ideas that didn't sound good. I didn't want to live apart. I didn't want to get divorced. I just didn't want to be here. But as long as I blamed him, I saw that I had no more power in it. Oh my God, that's so powerful. It's so interesting too, because I hate where I live. And I keep waiting, you know, like.
Well, when my daughter goes to college, feel like I, when I talk about origin stories too, I think that certain places call to us. ⁓ and if a place is calling to you, that means something is there waiting for you. That's like meant to be a part of your story. So I resonate with what you're saying so much. ⁓ I really want to be in California and I, I struggle with this too. Like now I've, I've, for me, I've made peace with like, okay, I'm here for a couple more years, but to your point.
What's an action? Maybe I don't feel I have a whole co-parenting situation, but even then people do it so that can be an excuse. know there there are people that live in different parts of the country that are divorced that figure it out right now that didn't feel like a choice that I was okay with right now, but Exactly what you're saying what choice can I make so I'm taking my daughter to San Francisco in two weeks
I love this place. Mommy eventually wants to, I'm going to be here. I'm watching my words again. And what do you think? All of that stuff. there is, and you know, as kind of a curator, I think one strategy is looking up how have other people done it that might be unconventional or out of the box, but they've done it. Just like what you said. There are people that,
My boyfriend now is on the West Coast. see each other once a month. Like not ideal, but like it's a choice, right? Like we're doing it until it doesn't work any longer. But I love what you said about it is so tempting to act like we don't have a choice and to just kind of wallow there. To see ourselves as the victim in our own story instead of the heroine.
And when we can really flip that script and say, ⁓ I do have a choice. I don't like the other choices. So I'm making this one. But I mean, you could leave your daughter in Ohio, go on your own to California, fulfill those dreams. That's a choice. Just looking at your face, you're like, uh-uh. How is that happening? Right. Well, and then there's all this guilt even of like how we tell our story and how are other people going to interpret our story?
Like that's something as a writer, I've like, what story is mine to tell and when does it overlap? And now when am I encroaching on your story? And so, I mean, we carry all of that with us all of the time. No wonder we're like exhausted and tired and stressed and all the things. Yeah. And it's just being able to see that it is a story. And it's something that we can rewrite and change.
It is something that we can, you know, choose to take it, you know, a different adventure at any point. But if we are able to really radically own our story, we have a lot of power in that because I went from being like, I can't leave this place. I am so depressed and down and really angry to, Oh, whoa. And now what? And then I did start getting creative about different ideas on how to get myself out. And we moved.
But it
It came to the point where I was, okay, I can no longer choose to be here. So we need to do something different. And it was a deep, big conversation that allowed my husband to go, how could I do things different? Cause he was just waiting for a transfer. And when he started searching out opportunities instead of waiting for opportunities,
But it took me owning it to have the conversations to say, how can we do this? I just got chills. And it's just like, it's huge. And it happened fairly quickly. Once we within six months, we have a conversation. And sometimes it's just owning that story. And reminding yourself my kind of mantra this year has been it only takes one yes.
Like it only takes one yes, I love that one moment, one connection that really I think of that 90s movie with Gwyneth Paltrow that I love where called sliding doors. Have you ever seen it? Yeah. like the difference between like that three seconds where she gets the Metro doors open and gets in and then it replays her life where she misses the train and how that
one moment and time, right, led to this domino effect of all of these other choices. And so I think sometimes, yes, that can feel overwhelming in some ways to think about it like that, but God, it could be so fun too when you think how many minute or what seem like minute choices do I make from the time I get up to the time I go to bed? just the thought that one change of one of those moments
can cascade you into a whole different reality, you to a different timeline. thinking about it like that, that's where like the magic and the fun is of just like, I'm just gonna see what happens if I take a different route to work today or I throw my ring in the hat for a job or I put a Facebook post asking if anyone has an agent friend or whatever, I don't know. ⁓
And finding, I guess, the not knowing can be scary or it could be really exciting and exhilarating depending on how you want to look at it. Right. So I always say I'm a big Abraham Hicks person, which she always says, like, choose the next best feeling emotion.
That day goes back to that tiny step. She says, you know, if you're feeling super depressed, you're not going to go from depression to ecstasy. You just can't. The momentum is not there. you can maybe go from depression to anger, which is higher on the emotional frequency scale. You can go from anger to, you know, lethargy. can go from like, so if you just choose the next best feeling place or that one step, as you said,
I'll leave you with one final thought. I'm thinking too of Anne Lamont, who's a writer that talks about, she wrote the book Bird by Bird and you know, she says, if you're driving a car and it's stormy and it's foggy, like you only need to see five feet in front of you and you can make the whole journey that way. You don't need to see five miles down the road. And so I try and remember that. Like you don't need to know.
the whole story, you just need to reach for the next right move. ⁓ my gosh, I love that. ⁓ It reminds me of something my, so I grew up in Montana, we have winters, and my grandfather
say, you can drive anything at 10 miles an hour. ⁓ same, so like, yeah, I love that. And it's like, it took me back to the moment, like I'm driving at probably my twenties and I'm driving in a like whiteout blizzard.
using the rumble strip as my guide of I am still on the road. I was on the I-90, like there's not an exit. I'm not getting off. I do not want to pull over. And like, I can hear him say just, you can do anything at 10 miles an hour. I love that. you're going and I'm blind. And that's somewhere where we, that's where we, a lot of us feel like we are in life. We're in the middle of a snowstorm. We can't see in front of us. We don't know what's coming.
you just have to keep going It reminds me too. She talks about in that same essay about, and I actually have one I got at a garage sale or a thrift store, this beautiful, just gold gilded oval frame. It's like only this big, but she would say when she's writing, instead of being like, I have to write the whole chapter. I have to write the whole book. She's like, I just need to fill in enough.
to fill in a two inch frame. So maybe I just pick out that the protagonist's name is Landy. Maybe I just decide that she has shoulder length, dark hair, and wears yellow earrings. And that's all I need to do for today in this session. And again, you can flesh out an entire universe, right? Which is, A little bit at a time. Yes. And that's the key. my gosh. Kristina, you're incredible.
⁓ this was amazing. I'm so happy to have met you and gotten to know you. I already, I feel like I could talk to you for hours.
I have no doubt that our paths will cross again and I will continue to follow the podcast and you are just a lovely human and have this light about you. So it was really a pleasure getting to talk to you. Thank you so much. I feel the same. You shared that you could pull an Oracle card. Yes. And then we will come to a close, but I so appreciate you.
So this was a creative collaboration. have this deck called, it's in plastic so it's kind of hard to see with the reflection, but it's called SoulScape and it's a 32 card poem deck and I'm a big traveler. So it's all kind of travel themed and each card has a little mantra on the front ⁓ and then a meditation that I wrote on the back and my friend Jeannie, who's a local artist, did all of the art. So I'm just gonna pull one for anyone who's listening today.
of like what our collective message is. And I just kind of like to shuffle and every morning kind of say, what do I need to hear and see what pops out? It's funny, because then sometimes I'll shuffle the next day and I'll like I'll pull a card and I'll be like, no, that doesn't really resonate. And then I pull the same card like four days in a row. I'm like, okay, like what am I not? What am I not listening to here? Okay. So what do we need to hear today?
So funny. I swear I can't make this up. So it says choice. Follow the call of the crow. In the back says crows are known for their intelligence, adaptability and resourcefulness. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by life confused by choice. I just got like goosebumps. I feel like it couldn't resonate more just as the crow fashions what it needs when it needs it out of whatever wayward scraps it can find.
Be confident in your ability to craft solutions when there are seemingly none. In your ability to tap into your creativity to problem solve, you are provided for and protected. Hold this knowing when the path divides, when the future feels scary and uncertain. Your voice may not always come out as a loud call, but it's there, waiting to be heard. You'll remember crows don't forget.
wow, it's like basically everything we just said. It's incredible. Thank you so much. Yes. And I will send you a picture too, just so you have this with a little writing on the back. Yes. Perfect. And because I know there are people that have resonated so deeply with what you have shared today, how do people continue the conversation with you? So you can find me at ChristinaEmbroja.com. And like I said, I'm kind of always doing different ⁓ pop-ups. ⁓
asynchronous five week class that's called how to write and live creatively. So that's available for people. The decks on the website. I'm always like, I'm a multi potential light. So I change what I'm interested in a lot. And so think just new things are always popping up there and I'm pretty active on Instagram. You can find me at K underscore Ambrosia five or on Facebook, Kristina Ambrosia. So I would love to connect.
if people want to find me.
Landy Peek (1:01:42)
What an incredible conversation. Kristina reminded us that we don't need to have it all figured out. We just need to take one small step, one paragraph, one no, one yes, one direction, and that we are always, and that we are always allowed to wonderland our way forward, upsize the dream, downsize the pressure, and let play and possibility lead the way.
If today's conversation spoke to you, please go follow Kristina on Instagram at K underscore Ambrosia five or visit her website at Kristina Ambrosia dot com
And I'll drop her links in the show notes so you can stay connected. And if this episode stirred something in you, please share it, send it to a friend post a screenshot on Instagram and tag me at Landy underscore peak. It really means the world to me. I love connecting with you and I love sharing the stories and the word. And if you feel inspired,
I would love if you'd leave me a review on Spotify or Apple. Having your words where other people can read them and other people can see how this podcast changes your life really does help spread the word, change lives, make an incredible difference. And I really thank you. And I'm so grateful that you are in my life. I want you to remember you are the author of your own life.
You are the hero or heroine in your own story. And if you're feeling it, I want to let you know you're not behind. You're in the middle of your story. And the next chapter, it's yours to write. And because I think it's so important, I want to tell you that I think you are smart and creative and fun and talented and energetic and worthy and deserving. You are an incredible human being, and you are making a difference in this world just by being you.
and I am so lucky to have you in my life. I love you and I like you, and I wish you all the happiness that today can bring. We'll talk to you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (1:03:51)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace
any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious.
Because that's the fun in this world.
