Landy Peek (00:35)
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. This is Landy Peak and today I want to talk about something that no one tells high achieving women. Your exhaustion isn't because you're doing too much. It's because your nervous system has been doing too much for decades. Not just managing your life.
but managing your survival. You see, most of us were never taught to understand our nervous system. We were praised for pushing through, rewarded for people pleasing, admired for being endlessly capable. But underneath that, there's a body, a system that never fully exhaled, that never fully felt safe in her own skin.
A woman who learned to perform safety instead of feel it. A nervous system that learned to protect instead of receive. And over time, those survival responses became something else entirely. They became who you see yourself as, your personality, your identity.
They became the roles you slipped into so easily, you forgot that there was even another way. So if you've ever thought, why do I always feel like I'm bracing for the next thing, even when everything's fine? Why can't I just rest? Why does it not feel okay? Why can I hold everyone else, but never feel held myself?
This episode is for you because your body is not betraying you. It's telling you the truth and you're about to learn how to listen.
I want to talk today about four different archetypes that we are experiencing, but not identifying. These archetypes are how our nervous system is functioning in the world and helping us survive, helping us thrive. And what I want to share before we dive into these archetypes, and I want to make sure this is really clear.
This is not about labeling you. It's not about putting you in a box. It's about liberating you from the box, from the box that you've been unconsciously living in. We all have subconscious patterns. We all experience life through our subconscious patterns. And these four archetypes that I'm about to share are based on the most common
nervous system patterns. in the women I work with who are absolutely brilliant, deeply loving, high capacity humans who get it done, who do it all, who are the shining stars in our
and who are quietly feeling like they're
falling apart on the inside. And the reason they can't think or journal or gratitude their way out of it is because these patterns aren't in the mind.
Let that sit for a minute. These patterns aren't in your mind. This isn't a mindset problem. This isn't something that you can think out of. And I gotta tell you, these high capacity women, me included, are incredibly good at learning. And that's how we solve problems. We dive in to the next class, to the next course, to the next research, to the next book, to the next thing, the next therapy.
Because we're trying to solve our problems by thinking our way out of them. But what we're missing is they're actually in our body, in our nervous system, and we can't think our way out of them. They're formed when we were young, when our body said, in order to stay safe,
I'll become... I'll become the one who holds it all. I'll become the one who makes it okay. I'll become the one who stays quiet, who silently disappears. I'll become the one who performs perfection. And guess what? It worked. It worked for a long, long time. It worked through our twenties. It even worked.
mostly through our 30s. And then it stopped working. We hit a wall. We're feeling overwhelmed, burned out, exhausted, and we don't know why. So we go back to what we know. We go back to trying to learn.
I have a client who is incredibly bright and successful and an amazing human being. She's shared how frustrated she was because she's a therapist and she knows this, but she doesn't live it. She hasn't embodied it. And she quietly shared, don't know how.
And that's the step, that's the key, is coming beyond the thinking to the embodying. We're really good at learning. We're not so good at being able to pause and let it sink in, to take it into our life and really live it. And I am saying this from experience as the one who did it all.
until I couldn't, until I had to pause. And looking at my experience, what I want for you is to catch you before you disintegrate, to catch you on the way down as you're yelling Mayday, Mayday, before you crash and burn. Because I did crash and burn.
And it took me time to dig myself out, to figure it out. And that's why I created Magnetic Her so that I can help women who are on their way down to crash and burn before you have to take a lot of time out of your life, out of your work, to really pause, to really focus on you. Let's do it before you've completely burned out. Personal experience.
These patterns, these patterns got you where you are today. They helped you navigate all of the hard things. But now they're costing you everything. They cost you your rest, they cost you your peace, they cost you your joy, they cost you your relationships, your ability to receive. And I wanna highlight that one.
If you are someone who is looking to increase your financial capacity, that's receiving. If you are looking to grow your business, that's receiving. If you are looking to be in a relationship that feels really, really good, that's receiving. And that's what a lot of us are really bad at. We have a really hard time receiving, me included. I'm the one that's like, I'm happy to do it for you, but turn the light on me.
No. I was great at asking all of my friends how things are going and being the listening ear. And I was fine when nobody asked me really how things were going. But what I learned, I was missing out when I didn't have the ability to receive in all areas of my life. It also comes to your ability to trust instead of control.
control was how I survived my twenties.
Landy Peek (09:18)
your ability to trust instead of the need to control. And I mean, at least for me, control was and sometimes is still the way that I handle my stress. If I can do it, I know it's gonna get done and I know it's gonna get done the way it needs to be done. We control the environment, other situations, try to control other people.
to make ourselves feel better. Because we can't always, we don't know how, we don't understand what's going on with our nervous system. And so we know what control outside of us looks like. And so we try to do that to make our inside feel better. These keep you stuck
in cycles of burnout, of self-doubt, of emotional disconnection, of exhaustion, even though you're doing all the right things. Because healing isn't about doing more. It's not about learning more. It's about unraveling what's not yours anymore. And that's where the magnetic
body code comes in. Now, it's not a personality test. It's actually more like a mirror to the version of you your nervous system has created to the woman you had to become and the one you may be ready to release. So let's meet her. Let's meet the four women within
the patterns that have been running the show quietly, fiercely, for probably as long as you can remember. We'll talk about their mirror statement, the belief they live by, the pattern, how it formed, and the cost, what it's taking from your life, and what they need now in this chapter of becoming. And as I describe each one,
I invite you to feel into your body. Notice what lands, what stirs, because this isn't about diagnosing. It's about remembering. This is your body's story, and maybe it's time to listen to it. So the very first archetype, I called the one who holds it all.
And this is her mirror statement. I'm the one everyone counts on, even when I'm falling apart. Let that land for a minute. I'm the one everyone counts on, even when I'm falling apart.
So the pattern is that she didn't choose to be the strong one. She became her. So for this woman, she may have grown up in chaos or maybe just...
Maybe in families where she had to become the parentified child, the child that did a lot for her family because she had to. Maybe she had working parents that weren't there often or really stressed out parents or parents who had a really inconsistent attachment style where they loved you when you were doing right, but that love was taken away.
when you weren't meeting their needs. She learned early, if I anticipate every need, if I stay ahead of the problem and never ask for help, maybe I'll be okay. Maybe I'll be safe. Maybe I'll finally be enough. She's gotten really good at managing. Managing people.
problems, logistics, emotions. She became so capable. Everyone forgot she had limits, even her. Now, the one who holds it all, she is a strong woman. She is the woman that we often see out there who we look at and think, wow, she's really successful.
But here's the cost. It's costing her body. Often she's constantly bracing on the inside.
She doesn't know how to rest. She doesn't know how to take time for herself. She doesn't know how to receive. And her mind, it's never off duty. It's constantly thinking of the to-dos, planning out the to-dos, thinking of worst case scenarios, making sure every single person is taken care of, every detail is taken care of.
She's praised for being reliable.
But on the inside, she's drowning in invisible
She's anxious, but she hides it under her competence. She's tired, but she can't sleep and doesn't sleep well. She craves intimacy, but
sometimes resents being touched. She resents having to hold it all and do it all. She's the one where co-regulation is really a one-sided regulation, where she's helping others regulate their systems, but she's not receiving that support. In her relationships, she's become the emotional parent. In her work,
she over delivers and under recognizes herself. Her nervous system lives in chronic over-functioning and she doesn't know who she is without the pressure. The pressure is how she gets it done.
Now this is what she's craving, what she needs more than anything. She needs to be held the way that she holds others.
She craves, she dreams, she fantasizes about being held, about somebody taking control.
She needs to stop earning love through performance. Her ability to receive love is tied to what she can do.
And she needs to learn that safety is not control. And she needs to learn that control is not true safety. Capacity is. The ability of her nervous system to hold what comes at her instead of trying to control what comes at her.
She craves rest and she needs rest, but she doesn't know how to do it without guilt. She needs to feel how much she matters even when she does nothing.
If you feel this, I want you to imagine this.
You're carrying a way down by rocks.
I'm gonna invite you.
to allow yourself to exhale and see yourself in your mind's eye, setting down the backpack, noticing you're not putting it away far. You're not dumping it all out. You're just setting down the backpack as if you'd gone on a long backpacking journey and you get to your rest spot and you just set down the backpack and you know you can pick it up.
anytime you need to. So as you can see yourself setting down that backpack, I'm gonna invite you to notice when that backpack sat on the ground, nothing fell apart.
As that backpack sat on the ground, you didn't lose anything.
Notice how it feels to just stand beside the backpack, knowing it's just there.
Knowing that now you can stand upright. You have more mobility because you're not weighed down.
Play with moving away from the backpack, farther and closer. Really noticing what you gain in yourself as you set down the backpack.
If this lands deep, I'm going to invite you to take the magnetic code quiz to see how much your body has been holding and what it's finally ready to let go of. Now our next archetype is the one who went quiet. Her mirror statement is, I learned to go invisible to stay safe.
Now her pattern. She's the sensitive one. She's the watcher. She's the feeler. Maybe she had a big bright presence when she was little, but somewhere along the line, she learned that being seen wasn't always safe. So she shrank. She silenced herself. She became the peacekeeper, the agreeable one, the easy child.
the friend, the partner. But inside, her voice started fading until she wasn't sure what it even sounded like anymore.
For this woman, it's cost her chronic disconnection from her desires, from her joy, from intimacy.
She's living with a body that's stuck in freeze, a life that feels muted, like watching herself from the outside. She overthinks every single text. She doubts every single yes and the no's too. She's present in the room, but she's never quite in the room.
In her relationships, she minimizes her needs and puts others' needs first. In her work, she's capable, but often goes unseen and unrecognized. In motherhood, she loses herself to being enough for others. All other needs are before her. What this woman needs
is to feel safe being visible. She needs small, consistent moments of expression. She needs to remember that she doesn't have to explain her existence.
She needs to stop abandoning herself in order to belong. To be in rooms where she can be fully witnessed, messy, radiant, and real.
If you feel this, I invite you to hear. You're not too quiet. You're not too sensitive. You're not too much. You are still here and your presence is a fucking gift. And we are so lucky to have you in this world.
start with a quiz and meet the part of you who went quiet and who was ready to rise.
The next archetype, archetype three, is the one who makes it okay. And her mirror statement is, I know how to make things better even when I'm breaking.
Her pattern, she became the fixer, the feel-good, the bridge, the balm. She learned often at a very, very young age that her safety depended on everyone else being okay. So she learned to track moods, to anticipate tension, soften sharp edges. She used her empathy as a shield and she became a master.
at emotional triage, but she never learned how to apply it to herself. This has cost her. It's cost her her nervous system. This has cost her. Her nervous system is stuck in constant hypervigilance. Her boundaries are blurred if they're even there. She feels responsible for everyone's experience, even strangers.
She doesn't know how to relax in any sort of connection. She absorbs, she manages, she makes it okay until she implodes.
And then she reassembles and does it all over again. She becomes the therapist in her friendships, the translator in her family, the default processor in her marriage. And what she needs, what she craves is to stop regulating for others and to learn how to regulate for herself, to let go of being the safe one in every room, to experience intimacy
where she doesn't have to earn safety and to stop holding her breath for other people's peace. If you feel this, I want you to hear you are not selfish for wanting space. You're not cold for needing quiet. You're allowed to stop fixing what was never yours to carry in the first place. This archetype shows up in women with massive hearts.
an overreactive nervous system.
I invite you to take the quiz, find your mirror, and your permission slip. And archetype four, the one who fades away. Now this one, her mirror statement, if I'm not perfect, I'm nothing.
she got really good at being excellent, great at appearance, good at reading what others need, and becoming that. She's the chameleon. Her value became her performance. Her presence became her persona. She's impressive, but underneath the curated life is a woman who hasn't felt herself in a very long time.
She disappears into
productivity, into service, style, and strategy. But she's never quite into herself. And it's cost her. It's cost her a fractured sense of identity, a life that looks beautiful, that feels hollow. She's exhausted, but she can't stop.
She's successful, but feels unfulfilled. She's afraid to be messy, afraid to be seen without the mask. She needs her makeup, she needs her looks, she needs everything to be perfect. And if there's any crack in the exterior, she feels like she's gonna collapse. She's afraid she might disappear if she's not exceptional.
What she needs is a safe place to unravel.
Rooms that don't require a highlight reel. A slow, sacred return to her real, uncurated self. To stop living as a brand and start living as a being. If this feels like you, I invite you to hear you are not your performance. You don't have to keep shape shifting to belong. The most magnetic thing about you.
isn't how perfect you look, it's how real you feel.
If this archetype feels like a mirror you didn't want to look into, I invite you to take the
Your body already knows who you are underneath the mask. So as women have gone through the quiz, one of the things is we're going through the questions and they hear the archetypes is, I feel like I'm a little bit of all of them. And that may be true.
But the quiz will help you figure out what is your dominant archetype. there is overlap. This is how our nervous systems learn to survive.
I had a friend once share that we're all cast into roles in our lifetime. And we're playing a role in someone else's story too. But we're also playing a role in our own life. And I want to share. The secret is you don't have to stay in the role that you were cast in. These archetypes, you were cast without auditioning. These
isn't something that you threw your hat in and say, want to do this. This is something that you became that you have to play because it's how you learn to survive. The woman you became.
who you are now that you became through your survival strategies, she's sacred. But the woman that you're becoming now, that you're remembering, that you're unraveling, that you're freeing, she is free. And if you want support that meets you where you are in your body, your energy, and your real life,
I really invite you to start with the magnetic body code quiz because the moment you see your pattern is the moment you begin to shift. So take the quiz. It's located in the show notes.
Landy Peek (28:41)
You can also find the quiz at LandyPeak.com or go directly to the link at LandyPeak.com forward slash magnetic body code, all one word.
Landy Peek (28:54)
The truth is these parts of you, they're brilliant. They kept you safe. they helped you survive things no one even saw. But now, now I'm guessing you've outgrown survival. You're not here to hold it all. You're not here to shrink, to regulate for everyone else, to disappear into perfection. You're here.
to live your truest, most authentic life, to live unapologetically as yourself, to live inside a body that truly feels like yours. You're here to take up space, to speak bravely and freely, to feel, to lead, to change the world, to rest, remember who the hell you are. And that's what Magnetic Her is for.
It's not a course. It's not more information because you already have enough of that. It's a nervous system led reclamation of the woman underneath the patterns. A space where you're no longer just the strong one or the safe one or the one who makes it all okay.
You're just you. You living in your power, in your softness, in your fullness. And if you're listening right now thinking, that's
I'm ready, then trust that. Start with the magnetic body code quiz. It'll show you the exact pattern you've been living in and what your body is asking for next. And if you already know,
If something in your body is saying, yes, this is what I've been craving, then you're ready for magnetic her. The part of you who's been holding it all, it's time for you to be held. The part of you who went quiet gets to rise. The one who makes it okay gets to be taken care of and gets to rest. And the one who has been fading away gets to come fully alive.
You don't need another strategy. You need a reclamation. Come with me. You're not too much. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just becoming. You're ready for something different. You're ready for something more. You're ready to be free.
And because I feel it is so important for you to hear, because where else do you hear it? You are strong and smart and kind and fun and funny and incredible and making a difference in this world just by living every single day. You are creative.
You are fully alive.
You get to rise. You get to be you. And I am so grateful that you're in my life. I love you and I like you. And I wish you all the happiness that today can bring. We'll talk to you on the next episode.
Landy Peek (32:06)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace
any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious.
Because that's the fun in this world.
