Landy Peek (00:36)
Hello and welcome back to the Landy Peak podcast. This is your friend and host, Landy Peak. And today I am thrilled to introduce you to someone whose mission deeply resonates with my own. Kirsten Williamson-Gwynne is a passionate advocate for women in leadership. She believes wholeheartedly that if more women were in senior positions, the world would be a better place.
a more balanced place. And honestly, I couldn't agree more. In this episode, we talk about what it really takes for women to step into their power. Not just in theory, but what it looks like to step in in our own lives with decision-making and in systems that were never designed for us. Kirsten brings both fire and clarity to this conversation.
And whether you're already in a leadership role or just starting to wonder if it's time to rise, you'll feel seen, supported, and reminded that your voice truly matters.
This conversation was exactly what I needed to have and to hear the day that we recorded it. And it is still true today as I'm releasing it how important this conversation is to not only me, but I think to all women who want to rise in a leadership role in a way that feels true and honored to yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:09)
I am so excited for today's guest. Welcome Kirsten Williamson Gwynn to the Landy Peak Podcast. Can you please share a little bit about yourself so our audience can get to know you?
Speaker 2 (02:20)
Of course, thank you for having me, Landy. I'm excited to be here. So yes, I'm Kirsteen. I live in Bedfordshire, which is about an hour north of London in England. I have been running my own business for the last nearly six years. So I was a director in banking and now I help women build unshakable confidence so they could speak up, step up and stand out.
in their career. I'm very passionate about helping women step up because I truly believe that if there were more women in senior positions the world would be a better place. So I am doing my bit to help that.
Speaker 1 (03:01)
Oh, I love that. And I so agree. So I want to dive in to what you talked about in gaining that inner confidence, empowering women with themselves.
Who is that typical person that you're working with? Who is that? So our listeners can kind of start identifying, that's me. How do they show up? That person that wants to be in a higher position, that person that wants to have a better relationship with themselves, more inner confidence. What do they look like?
Speaker 2 (03:39)
I mean, I built my program based around my own experience. That's where I got started. And where I was at was both my parents were very ill. My dad was terminal. My mum had dementia and I was watching them both fade away in very different ways. And I started to fade. So I was probably at the peak of my career. Everything looked brilliant on the outside, but in the
On the inside, nothing felt good. Yes. It might have looked good from the outside, but on the inside, I felt like everything was falling apart and I started to lose myself, felt like I was losing my confidence and needed to reset who I was, where I was, what was going on because my whole career since I left school at 16, I'd been a position in a company.
rather than an individual, you know, I'd always kept a bit of me back. And so I did a lot of work on myself and started to work as well. I took the path to leave my corporate role, which took a bit of time and then set my business up. So in answer to your question, the women who come to me are a bit like me. So something doesn't feel right. It might all look good, but it doesn't feel right.
Or they're women that are very ambitious and stepping up in their career, but they feel like it's big struggle and doubt, imposter feelings, just feeling like they're on their own and it's so important they get it right. They're perfectionists. Or also women that feel loss. And it can be a loss of ⁓ a job.
Speaker 1 (05:28)
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:33)
It can be a loss of identity. It can be a loss of someone which has meant that their whole life has had to change. so basically what I do is I help them reconnect with themselves. I was so disconnected from myself. It was something else. Help them reconnect with themselves and start to paint a different picture for their lives. And my priority with
everyone I work with is to help them figure out how to feel good first and foremost because when you feel good good things happen yes feel easier
Speaker 1 (06:17)
100 %
Speaker 2 (06:18)
So not a quick answer.
Speaker 1 (06:24)
cancer, but you have described so many women that I know, including myself, where we do a lot of women that I know and work with. And we look really good on the outside and falling apart on the inside. And then we might have something big that happens in our life and it really derails us. Yes. And I love that you're coming back to, you have to feel good within yourself.
And that is a key essential first step. So what do we do when life seems to be crumbling on the inside, even though we might be keeping everything together and we have ambitious goals? How do we start that first step of feeling good?
Speaker 2 (06:56)
Yeah.
The very first thing that I always teach my clients to do is to check in with themselves. So that is about getting out of our head because we spend a very long time in our head overthinking, second guessing, all of those things. Getting out of our head and getting into our body and actually asking ourselves what we're feeling so that we can name what we're feeling and then
asking ourselves what we need because my experience personally and with clients who come to me is we don't ever ask ourselves what we're feeling. We ask everybody else. We don't ever ask ourselves what we need. We're not used to resourcing for ourselves. We're used to resourcing for our family, our boss, our team.
Speaker 1 (07:54)
Yes.
Uno.
Speaker 2 (08:09)
rarely ourselves. And so the first thing is being able to say, okay, this is what I'm feeling. I feel a bit sad or I feel very stressed. Being able to say that's what I feel. And then when we think about what we need, it's rarely food, alcohol. They're the things that we reach to. I certainly did. Yes. It's more about nourishment.
Speaker 1 (08:11)
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:38)
So what's really going to nourish us and not just give us something for five minutes that we then have shame and guilt and all the other things. So being able to tune in to what we're actually feeling and what's going to help us feel better, that's where our power is. But I always say the investment, the relationship that we have with ourselves.
is the most important because if you want to change any outcome, work on that, but it's also the least invested in relationship because we don't even ask ourselves how we are.
Speaker 1 (09:24)
You are so right. And it's uncomfortable. And in doing some of the things that you talk about with your check-in for myself, what am I failing? Can I identify that? What do I need? And then I get an answer that I don't like. go take it. I'm like, no, I don't have time to take it out. No way. And then I'm turning off my own needs. I'm pushing harder and further and I'm stepping farther away from what I'm
actually do need to do to get myself in a space, in a place where I can really step into that authentic self and excel in that authentic self.
Speaker 2 (10:03)
Yeah. Yeah. But so many people, me included, I was terrified of knowing what I really felt for a long time. I was equally terrified of stopping.
Speaker 1 (10:19)
Oh,
hugely scary. Yes!
Speaker 2 (10:22)
If I stop, I'll fall over, I won't get back up. And that's terrifying. So what did I do? I just kept going. And then it got to a point where, no, that's not gonna continue. And for me, because I'd been training as a health coach on the side of my career, for weeks, I knew I wanted to leave and do something.
Speaker 1 (10:27)
Huh?
Speaker 2 (10:51)
If I hadn't have done that work, I don't know what would have happened. It's because of my health coach training that I was able to get myself through, you know, what was going on with my parents and be upstanding by the end of all of that, because otherwise, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:10)
Yeah. So what was the key around your health coach that really helps you survive?
Speaker 2 (11:18)
Well, when I took a long look at myself, was working very long hours. I was commuting every day. The only thing that was taking up my time and attention was work. And my food and drink
and you know those types, it was all terrible and so the first thing that you learn to do as a health coach is slow down because stress comes from going too fast and it's the slowing down that allows you to actually take a good look and start to make and the thing that I always get my clients to do is to make very small changes to start with.
Because when I looked at what was going on in my life and how I was looking after myself, I could have given myself a huge list and given up within three weeks. Instead, the first thing I did was just really slow down and become very conscious of choices that I was making. And when you do that, then you make better choices.
Speaker 1 (12:44)
Yes. As somebody that has absolutely crashed and burned because I've pushed too hard, too long, too far, that slowing down is essential. And it's so hard and so scary. Even when I am like to the point of I am burned out, can't go farther, I am still resisting that slow down. And it was the key to shifting everything in my life, but I fought it tooth and nail.
Speaker 2 (13:13)
No. And I see that so much with my clients. There's this fear that if you slow down, you become less productive. But actually the opposite is true. You you put more attention on the important things and you produce a different quality of outcomes because there's more attention. You know, my attention was on 15 different things. How was that ever going to be useful?
And I didn't even know myself if someone, you know, what was my opinion? I don't know. I haven't been able to think about it.
Speaker 1 (13:51)
Yes. ⁓ that's so big. I love how you came back to the slowing down. We are more productive, but we are producing things that are quality, not just the quantity. I need to hear that. My self-worth was tied so deeply to being productive, to showing up to, you know, what I remember when I first
pivoted from in a business, like workforce situation to working at home. And my husband would show up and my days weren't packed. You know, I was slowing down. I was working for myself. It wasn't that like I was a therapist by background. So, you know, I went from client to client to client to client to client to client client and you know, had 50 clients in a week and it was just like boom, boom, boom. Right? It's crazy.
to working from home, really feeling a lot more space and energy. But I remember my husband would come home and I would give him a list of what I did today. And he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, and I did this and I did this and I sent emails and I did this and I did, because I still was tied to, need value to be productive. I mean, I don't need a rundown of what you did. I'm like, but you have to see that I have value because I know I spent time at work, but.
You know, I went for a walk. took the dogs for a walk, but I also did this, you know, and there was such that, and I can just feel it in me that she of like, have to prove my worth. I have to show up in a way I have to, nobody's here checking me saying, you know, did you see all of this stuff? And it was such a scary space. And it took me a while before I could just be like, yeah, I had two or three clients today and I took the dog for a walk and I went for you.
And it wasn't that I had to show somebody all of the to-dos that I did, but this is what I, you know, I don't have to, what is the word I'm looking for? I didn't have to prove myself. I'm a lesbian. And I stopped, like now he comes home and I'm like, how was your day? It was great. Mine too. We're not in the, I did this and feeling like I had to keep up.
And it's a whole different space. And as I talk about it, can also feel the cadence in my voice coming back into the energy of like, I've got.
Speaker 2 (16:18)
It's
busyness, isn't it? It is. You have to be busy.
Speaker 1 (16:21)
have to be busy and you don't allow, and I love where you came to, you didn't have time to even think of the responses of the answers of what your beliefs were because you didn't give yourself space and time. And that's been a huge thing for me in the last year, especially in giving myself space and time and thinking, what do I believe on that? What do I think about that? And it's a whole different presence and energy that you're showing up with.
Speaker 2 (16:50)
Well, it's how we kind of lose trust in ourselves if we don't have all the answers. Yes. But often we haven't given ourselves the time to even think about the questions, let alone the answers. And then that makes us feel like we're not confident or we can't do it. And it's not that at all. It's that we just need to give ourselves time to think, to figure it out. And then we will.
But when you're going so fast, of course you're not going to.
Speaker 1 (17:23)
Right? Yes. I had, I know I can't even think of who shared it, but ⁓ it was a coach or a therapist of mine. I don't know who exactly it was, but they're like, you're spending so much time and energy swimming upstream. If you just turn around and let the current carry you, you'd start to be able to see what's there for you.
Speaker 2 (17:44)
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:46)
Okay. You turn around and you're like, ⁓ can't do this. What do you do? How do you support yourself and people that you're working with in this energy of being able to turn around, being in to slow down, to really be able to think about the question and the answer and not just be in this do, do, do. How do you come back to that empowered relationship with yourself when self feels so uncomfortable?
comfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:18)
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot there. So one of the things that I do is help my clients see the patterns that they're in. you know, we've all got patterns. know this. Some of them we're aware of. Some of them we don't actually see. They just are natural responses. And until we start to look at them, we can't see the impact of them.
When we start to examine behavior and responses and some of the stories that we're telling ourselves, which is why we're having to go so fast or do so much or prove ourselves all of the time, we start to disrupt that pattern slightly and start to co-create different outcomes. So it's all really about paying attention, which when you're busy,
You're paying attention to everything and everyone else rather than you. What you pay attention to in yourself is where it goes wrong. And then you beat yourself up because you didn't, you weren't good enough. You didn't do it right. But actually it's what happened before then that we need to pay attention to and start to disrupt and change.
Speaker 1 (19:37)
I love the idea of that disruption in the patterns. And we don't, right, we're not slowing down enough to even see the patterns. And I think, especially for me, I've needed other people to help me see the patterns because I was so, had my blinders on, so stuck with my patterns that I couldn't see them.
Speaker 2 (20:00)
It
can be so frustrating. So frustrating. then when you get your client to tell you what I often get my clients to imagine they're watching themselves in a film and they're telling me what they see themselves doing. Yes. They often go to what they feel. But what's important is what they actually see themselves doing, because then when they see it, they realise what that's doing for them.
And it's often the opposite of what they actually want. And then, of course, it becomes something that we don't try and change it straight away. We just watch it and we watch what happens as a result of it. And then we start to change it.
Speaker 1 (20:44)
beautiful. I love that visual of just being able to step back and see yourself in the movie. Because just as you said that, like in my own head, I'm like, ⁓ okay, see what I am doing because we're taught to tap into our feelings. Yeah, we've done a lot of therapy. We're really good at tapping into those feelings. that second step of seeing what you're doing, because that
identifies the patterns and you're right. We're doing the things that aren't getting us where we want to go.
Speaker 2 (21:18)
is when people see themselves physically step back or withdraw from a conversation because they're telling themselves they don't know. And so they just close down. And they actually see that, then that's real, you know, light bulb moment, shall we say, because then they can, they know when that's going to happen again.
Speaker 1 (21:31)
Yeah
Speaker 2 (21:46)
You know that there's so many patterns that we have that reinforce these stories about I have why would anyone listen to me? Well, if you don't put yourself forward, they don't have much chance, do they? So it's, know, or nobody will support me. I have to do everything myself. Well, how are you asking for support? Well, you're not. You're just doing it all yourself. So, of course, nobody
Speaker 1 (22:01)
Bye! ⁓
Speaker 2 (22:18)
you know people and and I find us women in particular we will take more and more on because we care we want to prove ourselves we want to do as much as we can yes but then we don't have anything left for ourselves
Speaker 1 (22:34)
⁓ 100%. Yes, just as you're sharing that, like, I was thinking about pattern in myself, where, ⁓ especially a couple years ago, it was, I need my husband to help. Why won't you help? then every time, and I had to step back because every time he would go to help, I'd be like, you're doing it wrong. I'm just going to do it myself. It's just so much easier to just do it myself than to tell you exactly what you need to do.
Speaker 2 (22:36)
So.
Yeah. And, you know, that point there, that's the thing. We don't always ask clearly and specifically for what we want. We say things like we could just use a bit of help. Now, if your husband's anything like my husband, he's very smart, but he will never figure out what a bit of help looks like. No, we have to.
Speaker 1 (23:25)
Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:31)
be very clear and specific about what it is that we want, which often we steer away from because we don't want to be pushy direct and being. But actually, the best thing you can do is make it easy for people to help you by being clear about the help that you would like.
Speaker 1 (23:52)
Yes, and it's such a hard thing to step into. And same, I learned with my husband if I told him exactly what I needed for him to do, including I need you to give me a hug right now. I mean life. Yes, of course, like he wants to help. He sees it melting down and struggling. So was, you I need.
Speaker 2 (24:09)
Do it.
Speaker 1 (24:21)
garbage taken out, need, you know, the dish is done, I need this so that I can then go do this. Like it was done without anything. It was so easy.
Speaker 2 (24:33)
⁓ That is the same in a work context. ⁓ You know, if we are clear with people about the support that we need, so if we're looking for a job or we're looking for some exposure activity, something that's going to raise our visibility or profile or whatever, instead of just saying, can you connect me with someone you know who might be or...
just anything you can do to help me, I'll be really grateful. You know, those types of things we need to say very specifically, I'm looking for this opportunity in this type of business or whatever, so that people have the best chance of helping us.
Speaker 1 (25:20)
⁓ And that assertive con, that assertive communication, I was gonna say conversation, but it's communication. The assertive communication where you're very direct in what you need. And it's, there's definitely in me going, that feels a little bit not right because being that direct feels like I'm gonna be labeled as that bossy girl.
Speaker 2 (25:41)
Hershey bossy, but with a big smile. Lots of warmth. It's because there is is that other ⁓ dynamic at play that confident and competent women are less likable. So they need to have dial up the warmth with this is so annoying, but studies show this.
Speaker 1 (25:44)
Uh-huh.
Yes!
Speaker 2 (26:08)
Unless we dial up the warmth, we're going to be less likeable because we are confident and competent. So it's the balance of being very direct, but having charisma and warmth alongside it. So smile. And then people will help. People want to help.
Speaker 1 (26:29)
They do want to help. And excuse me, when you have that direct communication around, can you do this? Can you share this podcast? you, the things that we are very direct in, absolutely people step up into, but there is that balance in being direct, being warm, being in that space where we are collaborating versus.
just it's for me, it's that I had to really work and finesse in, I am the director. I am, you know, more harshly saying things because I didn't have that experience. I didn't have that know-how of how do I say something directly without it being bitchy? How do I say something directly without that harsh tone and having to dial it back? And there is that middle ground. There is this space where I can be,
competent and confident and have that direct communication and ⁓
Speaker 2 (27:32)
And be liked. Yeah.
And well received. And I didn't know that until recently. And I always wondered why people would say, she's very focused or she's quite aloof. don't say that about a man who was very direct and very focused and clear about what he wanted. But as a woman, you're something else. You're opinionated. You're a bossy. You're aggressive.
Speaker 1 (27:46)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:01)
sometimes if you don't have the warmth alongside the confidence and competence.
Speaker 1 (28:08)
So what do I do with this?
Speaker 2 (28:10)
Well, it's incredibly frustrating. mean, ideal scenario is that we just change history and start to just not worry about any of that. But reality is, if you're a woman going for a job ⁓ in an interview and you're not warm, but you are absolutely competent and confident, you might well be less likeable than the person that
you know, isn't as or competent as you. So what we have to do is be aware of it. And we have to build connection and relationships with people. Yes. So that, you know, when we are that very direct, focused person, they know that, you know, that's just a part of us. It's not how we are. We're not labelled a certain way because of it.
Speaker 1 (28:47)
Okay.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (29:12)
So, you know, it's changing, but these are just things that we've grown up with. Society decides about us. These are the double binds that women have to deal with in their career, in their life, expectations that people have of us that they don't have of men. We just have to navigate them for now and hopefully things will change over time.
Speaker 1 (29:41)
Fingers crossed they do.
Speaker 2 (29:43)
And they are, aren't they? But it's very slow.
Speaker 1 (29:46)
It is, it feels very slow and it is.
Speaker 2 (29:49)
It's annoying that we still have to have these conversations, but it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (29:54)
So we start with that, it is what it is, you're right. And we start with that awareness and that part is huge. And then how do we step into that confidence that comes with, I would guess most of the listeners, if not all of the listeners have a high competence in their field, but how do we have that self-confidence? How do we empower ourselves to step into the space where we can be warm and direct and get what we want?
Speaker 2 (30:22)
One is clarity. So knowing exactly where or where we want to be, what we're aiming for, that's really important. The second thing is a mindset that particularly for us women is crucial and that is a growth mindset because studies show that women and girls, when things go wrong, we are...
way more likely to make it mean something about who we are. So it becomes about our identity rather than something that we did that we could therefore change. So, for example, I went for a job interview and I had lots of people telling me it was my job, had loads of support, too much support. I didn't do very well in the interview. I made it mean I'm shocking.
and I can't do interviews so therefore I didn't go for an interview for ages and ages. Eventually I figured out that my approach needed to change, not who I am.
And then I found a different approach and went for it and got the job. That's the kind of thing that we are more likely to make it mean I'm just not very good at this. Fixed mindset rather than, okay, I need to sort this. How? How do I do it? What do I need to do differently? What support can I lean on?
What do I need to learn or refresh or figure out? ⁓ And then that's your growth mindset. So that's so important for us because otherwise we get stuck. Something doesn't work the way we want it to. We make it mean something about us and then we stay where we are because it feels too scary or uncomfortable. I...
Growth mindset is an important part of what we do and then it's about those little wins all the time. Paying attention to the little wins because every time we win that's a confidence boost. Confidence is also built when things go wrong. So when you're in a ⁓ growth mindset you can learn from what went wrong.
and you can use it as a catalyst to get where you want to go. Fixed mindset, it went wrong, that's where we are. So confidence is built on both successes and failures and when you look back over your life, like I do, when I think about all the things that have gone wrong in my life, my career,
Speaker 1 (33:12)
Right?
Speaker 2 (33:27)
I've actually become stronger because I've found my way through them. And that's a huge deal to remember that you can figure it out because you've figured it out so many times before. That's what confidence is, knowing that you can get things back on track when it goes wrong, because it will go wrong. mean, we're both
Speaker 1 (33:33)
Right.
Speaker 2 (33:56)
run businesses we know.
Speaker 1 (33:58)
It will go wrong.
Speaker 2 (34:00)
We know that things don't happen the way we think they will. Right. Or want them to. But that doesn't mean something about us. That just means we need a different approach.
Speaker 1 (34:11)
Yes. I love that reframe around confidence is just knowing that we can, when something goes wrong, get back on track. Because we think of confidence or I think of confidence as being this like bigger energy out there and I show up in a big way, but you're right. It comes back to that. Okay. That didn't go the way I expected. And let's figure out what I can do differently.
so that I can get back on track.
Speaker 2 (34:43)
It's trust. mean, that's what confidence is, isn't it? Can I trust myself to figure this out? Even if it goes wrong, can I trust myself? I'll get where I want to get to. Yes, I can. Will it be messy? Possibly. Highly likely. Hey ho, I can deal with it. That's confidence. The other part of confidence, which is really important, is knowing what you're good at.
Speaker 1 (34:59)
That's a B, probably.
Bye!
Speaker 2 (35:14)
at working on not all of these things, but working on the thing that's going to make a big difference to your result. you know, people talk about ⁓ strengths and weaknesses. We don't need to worry about all of our weaknesses because we've all got plenty of them. What we need to do is focus on if I was better at this, what difference would that make in my business?
or my career or my life or my health or whatever and hone in on that and lean in to your strengths. Be able to be very confident about what you're good at. Often I find that we struggle to talk about what we're good at and our impact because again we haven't given ourselves time or space to think about it.
Speaker 1 (36:08)
Right? Yes.
It just comes back to the word that you started with in clarity. And one of the biggest things that I have learned to do is when I'm going into a conversation, what do I want out of this conversation? Putting something out into the world when I'm doing whatever it is, I'm coming and I hadn't just labeled it as clarity. I had just come to ⁓ the question of what do I want out of this? So I'm going in and you're right, it's clarity, but I'm going in.
with that outcome in mind. And that helps reframe everything, especially in communication when we're talking with people. have, this is what I want out of this conversation. Then I can direct it and my language is clearer because I am knowing where I wanna go versus shucking up and saying, yeah, I want something, but I'm not quite sure where. And then we weave throughout and we've lost people in
the conversation and I walk away feeling like, well, that didn't get me anything because I didn't know where I wanted to go.
Speaker 2 (37:15)
Exactly and if you want to take that up a notch, go in knowing your contribution as well.
Speaker 1 (37:23)
⁓ that's big.
Speaker 2 (37:25)
Because that's how you create these strong strategic relationships because you go in with great clarity about what you're bringing and what you want from the conversation. Everybody's busy, nobody wants to be dealing with wishy-washy people who are just here for a chat and don't know, you know, sometimes that's good but other times that clarity is so important.
This is what I really would like to gain from this conversation and this is what I'm bringing. That, you know, that levels up the conversation.
Speaker 1 (38:00)
really does. And that's not, at least in my experience, kind of that feminine approach. And this is my contribution. This is what I have to bring. And we are, we're bringing a lot, but claiming it and owning it feels very, very big.
Speaker 2 (38:19)
Well, yeah, because exactly what you said, we're claiming and owning, we're actually acknowledging what we bring rather than just giving it all away and then being unnoticed or we don't feel seen. It's being acknowledged.
Speaker 1 (38:38)
Yes. It's that self acknowledgement and it comes back to that empowered relationship with self. Yep. And that is something I think a lot of people are not seeing because we're so busy doing. So the advice I'm hearing from you is pause. Slow down.
Speaker 2 (39:00)
Slow down.
Speaker 1 (39:01)
Start tuning in first without the thought that we need to change something, but that tuning in, that awareness, that watching ourselves on the movie is so key, because then that gives us the information that we need for the next best step.
Speaker 2 (39:17)
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (39:19)
That's incredible.
Okay, so as we're coming in with the clarity, as we're leaning into that growth mindset, as we're celebrating our little wins, because we've probably been way too busy to even notice the wins that we're having, what do we do next as we want to step into the world where we're feeling whole and not broken on the inside? So it matches and maybe shifts what we're seeing on the outside.
Speaker 2 (39:51)
So what do we do next? We've got clarity so we know where we're going. We start to take those little steps. Whatever that is. And the one thing that I see as important, regardless of the steps that we're taking and where we're going, is the people that are around us.
Speaker 1 (40:18)
Okay, let's talk more about that.
Speaker 2 (40:21)
Yeah, so whether it's in your career, whether it's because you're an entrepreneur, whether it's because you're at home with family, one of the things that there's a study that shows that even the most successful women block their power in three ways, three common ways. And one of the common ways that we do that is we isolate and
we have this idea that we should be able to do everything ourselves. The other thing that's important is that when it comes to networking, so if you're in business or you're a professional in a career, your network is massively important, but we often don't make enough time or nowhere to start when it comes to building that network.
To future proof ourselves, we need to build strategic relationships that, you know, like the conversation about this is what I need or this is what I'm looking for and this is what I bring. That's how you start to build these strategic, mutually beneficial relationships. So we need to have people around us that are going to build us up, that are going to acknowledge what we're doing, that are going to
open doors, introduce us into conversations. That's what we have to build for ourselves. It's like we need to build a wall of people that have got us.
Speaker 1 (41:55)
I
love that visual because it's an author.
Speaker 2 (41:59)
It feels like a lot. Yes, rather than just me sat in my office on my own. How do I do this? Or, you know, even in my corporate life, I often felt very alone. Because I was the boss and so, you know, I had a peer group, but there's only so much that you share with your peer group in a very competitive environment. ⁓
Speaker 1 (42:06)
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Thanks
Speaker 2 (42:27)
I often felt like I was on my own. I didn't build my wall. That's so, so, important. So having people around you that are going to help you continue on your path is crucial because when it gets difficult, that's when we want to retreat.
Speaker 1 (42:50)
Right. my gosh, you have so described me. ⁓
Speaker 2 (42:56)
Because
it's me. I know this person very, well.
Speaker 1 (43:02)
I mean, the isolation is when things get hard and you do, I do pull back and reaching out to that network has to be a conscious effort. And as you're talking, I'm like, I need to build a bigger, stronger network because I have a little one that I now have working from home. And I had a bigger one when I was out and about in a community. Well, that isolation is such a key thing is like, ⁓
Speaker 2 (43:26)
Yeah.
Especially if you're not getting the results that you want or you've had some rejection or you you feel like something's gone wrong that's when we don't want anyone to see us and you know when I work with women who've lost their jobs they often don't want to tell their community because they feel ashamed and but there's no shame in that it's these people want to help if we let them so build your network before you need it
That's always the advice I give to people. Don't suddenly need it today and think, I haven't got a very good one. This is something that we need to schedule like we schedule, you know, our monthly business review or our financial review of the week or whatever. Building your network is as important as that.
Speaker 1 (44:27)
And that's so huge. you say that, like, have my money dates every week, but I am not consistent at showing up the networking events that I have because it's like, Ooh, well, I'm busy that day. Or, you know, I'll schedule a client during that time, but my money things are sat in my schedule. So I don't over schedule them, but it's that priority. It's really putting in the value in the network.
I thank you so much. so need to really focus that value. So you had talked about there's three ways that we block our power. What are the other two? We isolate.
Speaker 2 (45:05)
We isolate, we repeat old habits, patterns and behaviours. So we say we're going here, but we keep doing what we were doing over here. Not going to get over here. So we need to change the stories, change the habits. We need to get in alignment with where we're going. But of course, if we can't see our patterns, it's very difficult to change them. that's that's number one. Number two is disconnected from our
self and our intuition. And that's about trusting our gut. That's about not outsourcing our decisions to other people. We are the best authority on ourselves and our lives. We need to pay attention to what we think. But when we're disconnected from ourselves, we're in our head a lot.
Speaker 1 (46:01)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (46:03)
and we know what that can do. That can be very repetitive, very predictable, often very unhelpful. So they're the three ways that even the most successful women block their power and this was from a study that Claire Zamit PhD did.
Speaker 1 (46:23)
It, I mean, yes. As you say that, the all three of them are ways that I have.
Speaker 2 (46:29)
Absolutely.
And her work, you know, I spent two or three years in her ⁓ women-centred, Institute of Women-Centred Coaching, Leadership and Facilitation, because I read one of her things and thought, that's me. All of that's me.
Speaker 1 (46:48)
I'm right there with you. I mean, it's so, I love this conversation. We get it. It's, is so relevant and both you and I have shared our lives. I'm guessing them lives of the listeners because we all do fall into that where we isolate, where we do repeat patterns. And as you say that I literally had a coaching call with my coach this morning and she's like, you're doing it again.
Speaker 2 (46:51)
Yeah. ⁓
Speaker 1 (47:18)
Okay. She's like, you gotta let that go. But that's my like little response of like, I know how to do this and this feels safe because I know how to do this versus shifting into a new pattern, which feels scary. And then the disconnecting from self and intuition. I can't tell you how many times that, especially early on in my career that I would like hire somebody to write copy for me.
because they would know my clients better. Not that I am giving them the information and can you please make the wording better, but can you please tell me what my clients need to hear and what they want to hear? And I'm like, they don't have any clue because they're not working with my clients. I know my clients, but I wasn't trusting my own knowledge, my own intuition, my own voice. And so I would look for that next best coach that's going to tell me what to do, work because they don't know
Speaker 2 (48:12)
Nothing.
Speaker 1 (48:17)
what I need to do. They're not inside me. They're not tapping into my intuition, into myself, but I was sure spending a lot of time and energy and money trying to have somebody else fix me from the outside. Don't need it.
Speaker 2 (48:29)
Don't need it. None
of us need it. No!
Speaker 1 (48:34)
It's that guidance.
Speaker 2 (48:35)
We trust other people more than we trust ourselves.
Speaker 1 (48:38)
Now that's a powerful statement and it is so true. We trust other people more than we trust ourselves.
Oh, this is incredible. And you are so amazing. Thank you so much for this conversation. I just needed this today. Like you're saying exactly what I needed to hear today. I appreciate it. I know since I have resonated so deeply with your words that other people are also resonating so deeply. I would love you to share your
Speaker 2 (49:03)
Okay.
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (49:17)
a little bit about your confidence quiz and how people can connect with it and how people can connect with you.
Speaker 2 (49:24)
Okay, so I am on LinkedIn. Yes, my name and there's not many people with my ridiculous name. So I'm easy to be found. So I'd love to connect with people there. My confidence quiz is actually a very ⁓ it's it's my spirit method, which is my coaching program and also my book Shameless Plug ⁓ or confidence. Yeah. So
When, if you're thinking I could do with a bit more confidence, the quiz is 90 seconds. And what you will receive from the quiz is some insights and tips on how you can start to top up certain parts of you, whether it's your beliefs, whether it's your self concept, whether it's your ability to relax and put yourself into a calm state. They're all parts of my spirit method.
which is connecting back to your spirit so you are unshakable. ⁓ So take 90 seconds, do the quiz and you will get some useful hints and tips.
Speaker 1 (50:33)
That is incredible. And I will have the link in the show notes for LinkedIn, for your quiz and for your book, because that is so incredible. And I love this shameless plug because we do need to be able to step into ourselves in that confidence and say, this is what I'm doing and this is what I have. And this is an incredible resource. And I am so glad that you plugged it because it can help a lot of people. I am.
grateful for this conversation. Any last parting words that you'd like to share?
Speaker 2 (51:04)
Thanks, Kate.
I think breathe. Everybody just breathe. you know, we need to breathe, but we're doing it and not really giving ourselves what we need. Just breathe. Everything feels better when we breathe and we're calm. We can do it. We can figure it out. Whatever life's thrown at us already, we're still here. Keep breathing.
Speaker 1 (51:32)
Just breathe. Such wise words. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (51:37)
My pleasure. Thank you for having me. I've loved this conversation.
Landy Peek (51:42)
Thank you so much for joining us. I hope you're walking away from this conversation with Kirsteen feeling just as inspired and fired up as I am. it's not about pushing women to be more, it's about clearing space for us to rise as we already are.
Because when more women step into leadership with clarity, compassion, and confidence, we don't just change boardrooms, we change the world. So if something stirred in you today, let it keep stirring. Let it lead you and trust that your presence, your perspective, and your leadership are needed now more than ever. I want to thank you for being here with us.
I want to thank you for taking time to do something that's good for you today, to build you up, to help support you as you rise into the woman that you are meant to be.
And if today's conversation stirred something in you, and knowing that you're meant to lead in a way that feels more honest, more embodied, and more you, I'd love to invite you to explore Magnetic Her. It's my 12-month nervous system-led experience for high-capacity women who are done performing and ready to feel like themselves again, calm in their bodies, clear in their minds, and rooted in their power. No pressure,
just a space where your real self is safe to rise. You can learn more at the link in the show notes. And if it speaks to you, I'd be honored to walk beside you. Please check out Christine's amazing resources. And as always, I want to tell you how important you are to me, how smart and creative and fun and energetic and worthy and deserving that you are.
You are changing the world by being in it. Your presence, your energy, your love. Not what you're doing, but by being who you are. And I wanna thank you for being in my life. I love you and I like you. And I wish you all the happiness that today can bring.
Landy Peek (53:52)
Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me, where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share.
Because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
