Speaker 1 (00:00)
Welcome to the
Speaker 2 (00:00)
Landy
Peak Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am thrilled to have you join me. In each episode, we will explore what makes life truly fulfilling. Happiness, deep connections, and self-discovery. Together we'll uncover that happiness is not a destination, but a way of living. Now let's dive into today's episode.
Welcome back to the Landy Peak Podcast. This is your host and friend, Landy Peak, and I am so excited for today's episode. Today we're sitting down with Women's Life coach, Amy Shade, whose inspiring journey from personal loss to impairment is a testament to the power of self-love and curiosity. Together we explore how embracing life's highs and lows can lead to deep self-discovery.
and why embodying love, not just seeking it, transforms the way we live. Amy shares how language, energy, and emotional awareness shape our inner world and relationships. We dive into the importance of curiosity as a core value, how to break free from self-doubt and the endless cycle of external validation, and what it truly means to become the conscious creator of your own life.
This episode is a heart-led reminder that life is a wild, beautiful adventure and you are the one holding the map. Amy, welcome to the Landy Peak Podcast. Can you share a little bit about yourself so listeners can get to know you?
Speaker 1 (01:43)
Thanks, Nandi, for having me on and welcome. Hello, everybody out there in the virtual world. I'm Amy Shade. I am a woman's life coach. also the creator of the radical embodiment method. I created this method because ⁓ I've been a dancer performer my whole life. had perfection really keep me playing small most of my life.
I lost my fiance in 2011, quickly in about six weeks he passed away. And through that process of that loss and that going through PTSD, going through having to deal with anxiety, learning how to navigate all of these things, going back to college at 43, getting my coaching certification at 46, starting my business at 50.
getting a dance agent at 55. So I'm here to tell you that life is an adventure. Life has ups and downs, but life gives you the opportunity to always learn and grow. And that's what I really encourage my community and my friends and my family to learn and grow. How do we learn and grow through this process of life? Because it's not always easy. And so,
When, how do we get to learn about ourselves? I think the journey about learning about yourself is such a fascinating journey that we all get to really cultivate when we decide that it's fascinating, that it's built with curiosity, that it's built with, once you learn about yourself, you totally become a different person.
Speaker 2 (03:33)
Absolutely. my gosh. I am so excited to have you here. And one of the things that I love about what you said is that number one curiosity, that's a huge thing for me, but really coming into, we get to know ourselves and our life gets to change. And life is not over at 40 or 50, but I love how you have really stepped into a different version of you.
owning I think a lot of what, so your lifelong dancer, but stepping into more of a role in that. So can you talk a little bit about that process in stepping in and transitioning and shifting into maybe a new identity?
Speaker 1 (04:19)
Yeah. So it's interesting because, you know, receiving love from our families, many of us didn't receive the love or get what we wanted through our families. So, know, it's interesting. I got my love through dance. That's how I really connected with passion and love and something that was very good at was my dancing. Right. And then when I met my fiance, there's something about
He loved me. He was like the first and only person who truly loved me. Right. It was such a beautiful place to live being loved that much. But when he passed away, I realized I really didn't love myself. That a lot of the confidence, a lot of the things that I had was because he encouraged me or he supported me on that, or he was always by my side.
And so, and once I learned what it felt like to truly be loved by someone, I realized that, ⁓ I'm not doing that for myself. So how can I cultivate that in myself? That, ⁓ that feeling of love, that abundance of love, being able to hook up to love, ⁓ as the motivator to do things instead of fear, anxiety, timelines, right? ⁓
Right? This thing that like pushes us to do something because we're fearful. You know, no, let's fall in love with it. Let's fall in love with it to create it. So I really learned from not having the love that I desired throughout my life by people and then receiving that from someone that totally gone and then having to cultivate it in myself. So I think, you know, people, you know,
through the process of the cycle where things come and go. The going is when we get to really find opportunities oftentimes.
Speaker 2 (06:25)
I love that. The going is where we get to find opportunities.
Speaker 1 (06:30)
Yes, that's when things, the bottom falls out and we're like, ⁓ what do we do now? That's the opportunity.
Speaker 2 (06:37)
Yes.
Absolutely, I've been there. Yeah. my gosh, okay, this isn't what life, what I thought life was going to be. And we're hitting that space of, I don't know if it's rock bottom, but definitely not a space where I thought I was gonna land. Would you talk more about the self love? Because I think that is such a huge thing to be able to, and I think a lot of us, like you said, have missed that.
Speaker 1 (06:41)
Like...
Mm-hmm.
a feel.
Speaker 2 (07:07)
where we've been searching externally for that love and a lot of us didn't get the love, the support, whatever it is that we wanted as kids.
Speaker 1 (07:19)
I'm a hot flush right now.
Speaker 2 (07:22)
I was talking earlier.
Speaker 1 (07:24)
about our menopause.
Speaker 2 (07:25)
We started the conversation ⁓ before we started recording around menopause and perimenopause and the transitions in life that we weren't expecting just in this time period. So thank you for sharing and take care of you however you need to take care of you in this moment. So circling back around that self-love, can you talk about what that's like and what that feels like and how you really cultivated it?
Speaker 1 (07:35)
Yes.
Yes, so I grew up atheist. So I had no connection to spirit, God, mother, God, anything like that. And so I got married ⁓ and quickly was like, what is this about? What is going on? I'm in some kind of big system here as an artist. I was like, whoa, this is like a, cause a system that I entered into and I'm not used to systems cause I'm always the outlier, you know, my artistry, doing my work on that.
not in mainstream. And so I found a meditation teacher and a woman's group, which is, as you know, very important to have community, especially around you. And through that process, I learned about mother God. I learned about God, not the, not the capital G God, but the energy. was like, Whoa, this is back in 2001. So I was like,
Speaker 2 (08:47)
Yeah. ⁓
Speaker 1 (08:53)
She was channeling and I was sitting in this group going, what is she doing? I didn't even know what was going on, but I knew I loved it. I was like, this is speaking to me. Yeah. So through that process, we learned how to open up the crown and hook up to mother God and mother God is universe. God, whatever you want to call it is pure love. Yes. So I began that practice of hooking up to pure love.
from Mother God, God, universe. That was the first, that was the beginning of understanding that I don't have to perform. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be fake. I don't have to placate to receive love. Cause love is always available for me through hookup to Mother God.
Speaker 2 (09:48)
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:50)
And that's where it began.
The beginning for me was that total acceptance of who I was for just who I was. yeah, the ability to let myself off the hook of perfection, because I was a big perfectionist, which helped me back. Yeah. And when you hook up to pure love, mother God, and know that no matter what you do, no matter what so-called mistakes you make, ⁓ no matter what, you are always loved.
Speaker 2 (10:02)
Huge, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (10:24)
And that's where it began.
And I do believe that ⁓ with that acceptance and receiving, because a lot of us don't like to receive love, with the receiving of love, it's a practice. It's a practice to receive love. Some of us cannot receive love without fear, anxiety, and ⁓ they don't trust love. ⁓
That's like through relationships, but when you hook up to God, Mother God universe, the love is pure. There's nothing to fear. There's no judgment. It's only receiving. And we as women, when we receive love, our life changes in a big way.
Speaker 2 (11:11)
Can you talk about that? When we receive love, our life changes in a big way. Wholeheartedly agree. As women, we don't receive love unconditionally or even well. There's so many things that are attached to love for us. And I'd love you to dive into that more.
Speaker 1 (11:16)
Because I
There's anxiety. There is mistrust. ⁓ There is judgment. Yeah. Right. Yes. So when you are in love and you decide that love is your main, main energy, you want to really embody because my work is embodiment. So that's where I opened up the crown and mother, God love universe comes into my whole body. It's an embodiment process. ⁓
To receive love is not a mental process, it's an embodied process. When that energy comes into your body, everything changes about you. And then you realize how powerful love is. And I realize how transformational the power of love is through
my fiance that I was with who passed away. learned a valuable lesson about love because in those moments, the last moments that a person has on this earth, their words to you and your words to them is I love you.
Speaker 2 (12:41)
Right?
Speaker 1 (12:44)
That's a huge lesson. And I learned and he learned how to use love as acceptance, how to use love in a relationship, how to really embrace love in another person and ourselves. that was the second part of my self-love and the power of love learning was through understanding that in the end, that's all that matters.
Speaker 2 (12:46)
It is a huge lesson.
It is.
Speaker 1 (13:14)
And so to cultivate that in yourself is what that is honoring who you are. That is being proud of who you are. That is something where you're taking care of yourself and loving yourself first so that no matter who comes into my life, that's my little seat. So he came into my life. No matter who comes into my life. ⁓
talking to me, he's a big love of mine. So he came into my life. No matter who comes into my life, no matter ⁓ whether they're so-called good, bad, indifferent, whatever, I'm always okay.
Speaker 2 (13:57)
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:58)
Because you take care of you first. You love yourself first. And people are scrambling around you doing whatever they're doing and you're like, you can do whatever you want to do, but I'm going to tell you right now, I'm going to love myself first. Because there was a time when I gave myself away to people and that was very painful, very painful. And so when you decide, hey, hook up to love, him.
Speaker 2 (14:04)
Yes!
Speaker 1 (14:26)
Mother God universe, let that embodied love, peak of love come inside of you sparkles. do a visualization, very sparkly, open, you use some bubbles. I use all kind of stuff. That you actually like, ⁓ I feel good. I feel love, you know? And then you walk through your day like that.
Speaker 2 (14:44)
And there's a huge difference when you walk through your day in love and things do, I don't wanna say bounce off of you, but it doesn't shift your trajectory. When those hiccups happen in your day, the stumbles happen in your day, you still can feel love. And it's a huge difference just in my own life. When I look at and think of somebody that I've struggled with and you can look at them and pick out every negative,
and have the fear that comes in and the anxiety that comes in just by thinking about how you're gonna interact with this person, or you can see them in this space of love and you can start finding the positives. And it just shifts how I feel towards that person. And it doesn't have to impact, I mean, I can see the person on the street, doesn't have to even be connecting with them, but I can either see them with that space of love and just let it go by and it's like,
I have that positive and I can roll or I can look at that person go, this is going to be, you not even speaking to them, but it shifts how I am. And I love that space of love where that doesn't tink me. That just keeps going. I can be like, there you go. And continue on that love for myself.
Speaker 1 (16:00)
Yeah, I mean, we've been trained. Remember, we've been trained to go towards the negative.
Speaker 2 (16:05)
Yes, and our brain go towards the negative with, you know, experience in life, with how we're taught in life, with how we are self-protective. And we need to protect ourselves. We need to be alert of what's out there to get us in caveman days. You know, is this something that's gonna poison us, eat us, chase us, all of those kinds of things. Our brains are designed to look for that negative. And we get to retrain, reteach, cause I don't love the term train.
reteach ourselves how to look at things in a different way, how to experience things in a different way.
Speaker 1 (16:43)
Yes, like good practices, you let's say you did like you considered something a failure, pretend we want to that you can focus on the failure or you can focus on find out what actually worked. That's where you want to go. You're like, what actually worked in that, in this transition or what actually worked in this interaction?
Speaker 2 (16:51)
We've all experienced that.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (17:12)
Yeah, it kind of all blew up, but what actually worked?
Speaker 2 (17:15)
Right, I love the viewpoint.
Speaker 1 (17:17)
Yes, that's really where I go because if I don't go there, the perfection will take me out many a times. Yes. So I have trained myself to, I'll say train, I've trained myself. I've worked hard to really like, well, what actually worked in that moment? we've, have, you know, not only us, but other people have this expectation about this happened to me just the other day.
Speaker 2 (17:42)
haha
Speaker 1 (17:43)
and like have an expectation of us to be responsible for their wellbeing, the other person's wellbeing. ⁓
Speaker 2 (17:49)
That is a statement and absolutely true, yes, that people expect us to be responsible for their well-being. Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:56)
Yes.
And someone actually said that to me. I said, well, no. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
here for you to dump on. That's not my job. Right? That's, that's not why I'm here. If you want to have a conversation, that's something different than coming at me negatively. Right? I'm not here to, you know, appease you because something happened to you in the past. Um, I'm not, it's, it's just mind blowing how that person thought that somehow I should be responsible for his life experience.
Speaker 2 (18:36)
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:37)
through the hearing of hateful words. I was like, I am not going to accept these hateful words, not towards me, but certain people. I was like, I'm not doing that with you. So we as people, women, we need to understand that when to stop those conversations.
Speaker 2 (18:58)
Absolutely. And I think that is such a powerful statement and idea of we get to stop those conversations. Cause I, as the polite good girl, a lot of us don't want to make waves. And I know this was my, especially my twenties and younger, that not going to make waves that we'll just kind of ignore, let it go. And how much of our struggle comes from someone else expecting us to
make their life okay. And then we buy into that story and then we do the things to like, okay, I'm gonna bend over backwards. I'm gonna push myself out of my comfort zone to make sure they're okay. When I'm ignoring everything that's going on inside me and making sure that I'm okay. And that is such a huge pivotal point in that we can stop those conversations and it's not comfortable to stop those conversations, but it's really powerful.
Speaker 1 (19:58)
Yeah, I read that book. I don't know if you ever read the book. The War of Art. Yeah, he talks about that as resistance. So basically, you know, get a toxic boyfriend or girlfriend and that'll cause resistance from your dreams. It'll keep you from your dreams. Most women just give me everything away. It's really resistance towards
Speaker 2 (20:04)
I have nots.
huh.
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:26)
your own dreams and your own desires.
Speaker 2 (20:32)
Absolutely, we're pushing away. We're not allowing, it's coming back to that circle where you talked about receiving love. We're not in the space where we can receive love if we are constantly pushing and constantly giving of ourselves above our own needs.
Speaker 1 (20:39)
Yes.
And so many things come in around that. What that really is in the end of it is ⁓ avoidance, right? So we're actually avoiding ⁓ starting that business that we're actually afraid to start. We're avoiding being the speaker that we know we want to be, the artist, the creator, the person that we want to be, right? We're putting things in front of it because
it comes down to really being feeling not worthy, not confident, not capable. And so I know we talked earlier about, this was a big shift for me in understanding my traits as a person who avoids because of not feeling confident of having self doubt. So I want to talk about the four H's real quick because I am a reformed and sometimes go back to I'm a hider, hizitator.
Speaker 2 (21:40)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:52)
Then there's hypercritical and helplessness.
Speaker 2 (21:54)
Yes. ⁓
yes.
Speaker 1 (21:58)
So when I found out, wow, I'm a hider and a hessitator. Wow, hider. What would that, what does that look like? I'm shy. She's better at it than I am. hiding behind people, hiding behind statements. Yes. I'm not ready. I'm shy. That's the hider. The hessitator. I'll just answer that email in a little bit. I'll answer it tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (22:26)
yeah, put it off.
Speaker 1 (22:28)
that class next year when the kids are gone. Yes. So that's the hesitator. And it was interesting because once I found out that was a self doubt thing, that's an actual self doubt things to the hiding, the hesitating, the hypercritical and the helplessness. Yes. What a relief. I was like, thank God. So I can have a conversation with myself now.
Like Amy, why are you hiding in this moment? Why are you pushing someone in front? Why are you not telling people about your dance classes? Or why aren't you telling people about your coaching services? Or why aren't you telling people about your creative ideas about choreography or something like that? Now that I'm like, I understand, I'm hiding. I'm not talking about it because I'm hiding because I have self doubt around those areas. It doesn't matter how good I'm at.
I'm a very good educator. I'm a very, I'm an excellent dancer. That's not it. It's me, Heidi. It's my self-confidence. Right? Yeah. Absolutely. And so then there's the hypercritical, the hypercritical criticizes not only themselves or they could criticize other people. And the helplessness is feeling like they can't do it. It's too hard. I am not capable. It's really a low self-doubt.
that is oftentimes
said with I'm not capable, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. The hider and the hesitator could be a little more sneaky, know, but the helplessness is pretty deep. So yeah. So Landi, which one do you think you are? Hiding, hesitator, hypercritical?
Speaker 2 (24:13)
We do.
love this because this is where my brain's already going. I am absolutely the hider and the hypercritical. And that's where I really come out in those stressed out times or that I'm having to lean into something that's uncomfortable and I don't want to do it. And in that don't want to do it is the hiding. My kids are the biggest excuse, especially when I first started my business. ⁓ when they get older.
I'll be able to do that. I'll be able to travel when I don't have to worry about babysitters and all of this kind of stuff. And I'll be able to, and it was putting myself off and it's not owning what I can do and how I want to and need to step into a different space. It's like doing this podcast. I sat for four years on, I want to do a podcast, but did I get it out? No, until I really did some curiosity and internal conversations around,
Why am I sitting on this? Well, people are gonna judge me. People are gonna judge me no matter what. And so it's coming to this space of, but I still feel those tendencies. And I know that I'm critical when that stress comes out, like it's criticizing myself, but also needing it perfect in the world. And so then I get more critical about those around me that, you know, this wasn't done up to whatever standard I have in my head because
Because there's a safety in that. There's a safety if I'm being critical, if I'm trying to make it perfect and that perfection comes in in a big way. There's a safety in if I can make it that way, I will be safe, even though that's not true. There's also that came in that was why I didn't succeed. It wasn't perfect and that's why I didn't succeed. And it's, I love the four H's because it's this aha of
my gosh, this is how we are interacting with things that feel big and scary.
Speaker 1 (26:29)
And as you know, you know, once you become aware of something, then, you know, for me, it's like identification. I'm having that identification and being aware of it is always the first step, right? And then we can all start working on getting rid of it, letting it go, improving, figuring things out, learning about ourselves more. I mean, I felt so happy. was like, my God.
I'm a hidered hesitator, I get it.
Speaker 2 (27:02)
huh. Yeah, it makes right. Yes. It's this ability to recognize what's going on inside of your brain. And I love the kind of concrete labels and like, okay, this is where I fit. And there's something about like, ⁓ if there's these labels out here, that means that I'm not the only one. And I do fit here and I can get curious about it. And I can know how to better dance with it.
Speaker 1 (27:03)
What a relief!
Speaker 2 (27:32)
Exactly. Instead of being like, ⁓ I know that I'm resisting this, but I don't understand why and I don't understand what to do. And I'm just going to let the resistance go and I'm going to put it off forever. it opens up the possibilities of change. Get to know yourself a little better. And I love that.
Speaker 1 (27:54)
That's why we're here.
Speaker 2 (27:58)
It is. I mean, this is a journey and I love how you bring in curiosity where even as you spoke before, there isn't this judgment that I could hear coming through your voice. It really is this curious space of why, why am I not doing this? Why am I sitting on this? And it's like going and sitting with a friend and getting curious, okay, like what's going on here? Why aren't you stepping into this thing that you know?
You're incredible at doing. And I love that that curiosity and the questioning comes in.
Speaker 1 (28:38)
Yes. mean, ⁓ you know, curiosity ⁓ often got us in trouble and I was always getting in trouble with curiosity, probably falling out of trees, breaking stuff ⁓ and having that as a value.
Speaker 2 (28:53)
Oooh.
Speaker 1 (28:54)
being curious as a value.
Speaker 2 (28:57)
my goodness, can we talk about that for a minute?
Speaker 1 (28:59)
Yeah, I'm big on values.
Speaker 2 (29:02)
here. And curiosity as a value doesn't come up often. And I'd love your thoughts on it because yes, because I think values are so important in how we guide our lives and how we're living our lives, how we're feeling authentic in our lives. And so talk more about that curiosity as a value. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:25)
So values for me are an embodied state. we go ahead and I embody the value. So this happened to me after my fiance passed away and I started dating again like years later. And I would say I would embody curiosity. I would embody freedom. I would embody openness on my way to the date. Right? Because I'm like,
Speaker 2 (29:53)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (29:55)
I'm gearing up. I'm going to embody this stuff. I'm going to like be ready and I'm going to prepare instead of going, oh, he's not going to, he's going to be late. It's going to, he's going to, you know, it's not going to go well. It's going to be boring. I'm going have to listen to him. He's going to be, you know, that's what, but instead I was like, Oh, I'm going to be open. I'm going to be curious. I'm going to ask questions. I'm going to really get into my own, you know, freedom around this and have a good time. Yeah. And so.
Speaker 2 (30:01)
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:25)
The thing about curiosity is such a powerful value. And it's a value that I got from my fiance. He was so good at being curious. And when people talk to him, his curiosity made people feel so good and shine. Right. And they'd have this really great conversations because curiosity was allowed.
Speaker 2 (30:54)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (30:56)
You know, what was that like? Tell me more about, my God, it's so interesting. Tell me more. Right? Yes. So I was like, I want to be like that. I saw how he did it. I saw how people, their energy shifted. I saw how effective he was and through the use of curiosity. And I was like, I'm going to do that. And as you know, like as a coach, that's it. You're questioning. You're curious. Yup.
Speaker 2 (31:02)
I'm talking to those people.
Speaker 1 (31:25)
Absolutely. That's where curiosity comes in, but curiosity is a very powerful tool to really ⁓ have beautiful conversations.
Speaker 2 (31:39)
It is.
Speaker 1 (31:40)
There's nothing worse than having a conversation with someone who's like black and white, and that's all there is.
Speaker 2 (31:46)
Yes, I think we've experienced that.
Speaker 1 (31:49)
It's exhausting.
Speaker 2 (31:51)
exhausting. And we love
those conversations with somebody who's asking all of the questions, where it gets us curious about ourselves. It gets us more curious about them. It brings in as you described the questions with your ⁓ fiance, the playfulness in those questions. And that's such a different space to be in when we're interacting with other humans.
Speaker 1 (32:12)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (32:21)
around this playfulness, this curiosity, this questioning that I want to learn more.
Speaker 1 (32:28)
Yes. ⁓
Speaker 2 (32:29)
Leaning
into life like that really flips the script.
Speaker 1 (32:33)
Yeah, because you know I went back to school at 43 I got my degree at 46 my BA at 46 and so
went into that with curiosity instead of pressure and perfection. And as I was sitting there in a room full of 19 year olds at the community college, getting my lower divisions, 43 years old, I did not walk into that space with judging of where I was in my life or the people around me, or I didn't belong there. I'm too old. I didn't do any of that. What I did was I became curious about
what the teacher was teaching. I became curious about how to do it. I was like, oh, okay, I have to do a speech. I have to write a paper again. It's been a long time since I was in high school. anyways, I really embraced curiosity through that process because it was something that I wanted.
Speaker 2 (33:32)
Yes.
Speaker 1 (33:34)
And I know through my fiance, the power of curiosity. did not take that lesson and not embody it and take it on to the next phase of my life. I saw how powerful and effective having curiosity actually is. so I took that lesson that I learned and I brought it into my new life after he passed.
Speaker 2 (33:58)
It's incredible and it shifts everything. Going through any stress and struggle, coming in with a space of curiosity opens up more doors, opens up more connections.
Speaker 1 (34:01)
Mm-hmm.
Yes, I want to say language is very important. We have to watch our language. It's very important how we speak about things. ⁓ Like I got it. I was talking to my mentor and we came, he was talking about this tribute for one of my mentors. And I said, he was talking about how it has to be done. said, no, has to be like this. D, D, D. I see it already. I had the vision. I created it. I'm like, I want to create it. I want to produce it. That's me. And so, ⁓
One of my people said, ⁓ that's a, what a, what a great challenge. I said, no, it's not a challenge. It's not a challenge. It's an opportunity. Yes. It's opportunity for me to learn, grow and be curious. Right. So having these mindset shifts around language is also very important.
Speaker 2 (35:04)
It is. The language is the framework that we set out and how we see things. It's like the colored glasses that we're putting on. If we're seeing this is going to be a stress and a struggle and a challenge, that's what we start looking for. It's opportunities and curiosity and excitement. That's the framework that we set forth and that's what we start looking for. We're telling our brains what to pay attention to.
Speaker 1 (35:18)
Yes.
And that's like in the very beginning I said, fall in love with what you're Fall in love with it. I love this. I love that I have to make these 10 phone calls. Wonder what's going to happen, right?
Speaker 2 (35:36)
Yes!
And it makes a huge difference when we have tasks in our business day, tasks in our regular personal life that may not be what we want to be doing, but we can set us up for that framework for it's going to feel good or that framework for it's going to feel like a stress and a struggle. And so, you know, if you have phone calls in your business day that you have to do,
and you're looking like, my gosh, this is gonna be forever. It's like all dragging on. That's the energy and feeling you're bringing into it versus I'm so excited to talk to people today. This is gonna be so much fun to talk to people today. And you go in in a different space and people resonate and they hear that difference. They feel that difference. And so you're coming into, and if you're going into a meeting, grumble, grumble, ⁓ this isn't fun versus,
I'm really curious about what's gonna happen today. We come in and people feel that different energy and we resonate in a different way and it shifts our interactions. And it's so powerful.
Speaker 1 (36:56)
Yeah, because people remember people just want they want to be seen.
Speaker 2 (37:00)
100 % we all do. We wanna be seen, heard and felt valued.
Speaker 1 (37:06)
And so if you want to shift something, be curious about that person, see them, listen to them. And the whole energy will change.
Speaker 2 (37:17)
It does.
Speaker 1 (37:19)
unless they are of a certain type. If they're of a certain type, then ⁓ the boundaries are important.
Speaker 2 (37:26)
100%. Yes, and I think with anybody. We need to have those boundaries in place that protect us, protect our energy, help us stay healthy and safe. And we get to have that curiosity. And those boundaries we can't let go of because then we go back into that toxic space where we're giving of ourselves and we're not able to receive. I think part of that curiosity and that questioning is we are receiving.
Speaker 1 (37:54)
We owe you. ⁓
Speaker 2 (37:55)
open
and it's not asking people questions just to ask people questions to have them feel good about themselves and have more of narcissistic belief coming in. But it's, we are receiving, we are having a conversation, we are getting information, we are excited about that information. That's that give and take that creates that beautiful balance in relationships. And that's a fine line where we have to have boundaries because we have to know where we can go.
We also have to know this can't just be a one-sided conversation. We're not just there to fill somebody else's bucket. This gets to be that connection. And that connection point is where that curiosity and that playfulness and that fun come in.
Speaker 1 (38:40)
Yeah, I think we all have to remember, and I say this in my dance classes too, you know, we are energy beings. That means we can shift our energy. We are, when we walk into a room, our energy is entering into the room with us. It is outside of our body. It is not only inside of our body. It permeates outside also so that...
Speaker 2 (38:52)
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (39:09)
Think how powerful you can become when you understand that your energy can change a whole room.
Speaker 2 (39:18)
We've all seen it. We may have labeled it as our energy changing the whole room, but we've all experienced that person who comes in bright and happy and fun and you can just see that shift. Or that person who is the complete grump and frump and just negativity pouring out everywhere and you can feel that shift. We've just haven't labeled it as we have that power to shift that energy, that it's our energy, that it's other people's energy coming in.
Speaker 1 (39:20)
I've it.
Speaker 2 (39:48)
that is really shifting the whole environment.
Speaker 1 (39:51)
Yeah, because we're very powerful people. We're very powerful. Not often. But when you start owning it and understanding how ⁓ your energy, how your values, ⁓ how your ⁓ vision, all that, how you are able to really create these things in your life.
Speaker 2 (39:56)
We are. We just don't own it very often.
Speaker 1 (40:18)
Yes. You are the creator of your life. Things begin to shift.
Speaker 2 (40:25)
And that's, think the key is you are the creator in your life. And too often we've given that power and felt helpless coming into our ages around what we can create and what we can bring into our life. But if we look ourselves as creators and creators, I if you're looking at doing art or dance, right, there is effort and time that's going into that. And it doesn't have to be hard or grueling or
torturous, but we are spending time in our craft. We are spending love and energy into that craft that then turns into something, a beautiful dance or a piece of art. And if we're looking at our lives, like we get to create, we get to spend time, we get to put in love, we get to have ideas, we get to say, ⁓ I love how that added or ooh, what if I could shift that? Then we get to have that playful energy in our lives and we are creators.
versus waiting for something to come, waiting for someone to come save you, which was a huge thing of mine, right? I'm going to have somebody that's going to come.
Princess syndrome all the way. And it was learning that I get to be the creator and how that shifts everything.
Speaker 1 (41:39)
Yes, I will have to say yes, you have to also give up that fantasy and also give up the blame game where you're blaming other people. have, look, it's not easy, but this is the key to really finding that success you want is to, you have to get rid of the blame game. You have to stop pointing the fingers out.
Speaker 2 (41:50)
⁓ yes.
Speaker 1 (42:09)
And many of us don't want to do that because without that, who are we?
Speaker 2 (42:16)
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (42:17)
And it's very fearful thing, but I'm gonna say that what happens is it's actually a slow process once you begin so that it's not painful, right? We think about like, I said to someone like, well, what if you got rid of that story, who would you be? And they said,
I don't know. I don't even know. I'd be dead.
Speaker 2 (42:47)
That story is so intertwined in who we
Speaker 1 (42:50)
Who they
are, yes. And so we have to understand that things happen, but we have to give up the story around them.
Speaker 2 (43:01)
And we get some curiosity to do it.
Speaker 1 (43:03)
Yes, curiosity, love, fun, openness, all of those things are who we get to be. it's not, you know, it's a process. So everyone is a process. It's not an overnight thing. When I was in my marriage, I was unhappy. I got into the women's group, meditation group, and within three years of every Monday process and learning about myself, you know, that was really about letting go of my father wound in that
and my mother wound in that aspect also, but that it allowed me the time to leave him. So I didn't say to myself, I have to leave him within a week. No, it took about three years to leave him. But through that three years, I was working on myself and we all get to do that.
Speaker 2 (43:55)
Absolutely. Yes, I think one of the biggest things on it was from a different interview, but there is no end. We look at, we want life to be a beginning, middle, and end. And there is no end point on this self journey unless, you know, we die. And then I think my own beliefs going off into, you know, soul will go on in existence, but we look at, we want things to be beginning, middle, of an end. We want things to be wrapped up in a nice little bow.
We want to know that, ⁓ we succeeded. This is it. This is the end point of whatever journey we have. I finally got to know myself. And that's not how it works. It is a process and it is a journey.
Speaker 1 (44:40)
It is a process and a journey and every time that you do something new or level up or go to.
Speaker 2 (44:46)
another.
Speaker 1 (44:49)
at work, maybe get a promotion or whatever it is, when you go outside of your comfort zone, you're gonna have to recalibrate. You're gonna have to learn new things.
Speaker 2 (45:00)
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (45:02)
And these new things don't come like, like that. Like you get to learn and I say get to the more you get to learn the more about yourself the more the more you know yourself the more you're your best friend you're your person.
Speaker 2 (45:06)
Great.
You get to trust yourself. And that is such a key element is being able to trust yourself. Decisions you make that you have the love, that you're okay, despite whatever else is going on. It's that ability to say, I'm okay, I can do this, I trust me.
Speaker 1 (45:27)
and I
Well, safety is a big thing for women. It's a huge thing for us. And if we don't feel safe, we are always in fight or flight. We're always in anxiety. We're always in fear. We're always in like anger and snapping because we don't feel safe. And so we have to create our own sense of safety ⁓ because no one can give you that sense of safety. mean, we were trained or
Speaker 2 (45:41)
It is!
Right?
Speaker 1 (46:08)
that a man was supposed to give it to us. But as we know, that's not even real. And what pressure to put on another person that they're responsible for your own happiness or safety. It's not fair.
Speaker 2 (46:21)
Absolutely, yeah.
It is not fair and it sets relationships up to fail. And we have that, like that princess syndrome, somebody's gonna come rescue me, somebody's gonna keep me safe, somebody's gonna take care of me. And really it's me that I get to be the one that gets to rescue me, that gets to take care of me, that gets to be that reliable one that's always there. And that is such a huge shift internally where it's like, okay.
Speaker 1 (46:28)
Yes.
Speaker 2 (46:52)
I've got this, we've got this. And you're not looking for somebody else to make you happy. Somebody else to create that safety and that security and all of that. And yes, we can be teams that come together in relationship, but ultimately I'm the one that gets to make me happy. And my partner's the one that gets to make himself happy. And even my kiddos, like they are responsible for them making themselves happy. And I...
As a parent get to protect and get to do things that, you I need to be able to do, but they also have their own life experiences and I can't protect them from life experiences. And I think that's a really hard thing as a parent. Really big and they have their own journeys and I get to be somebody that walks beside them and make sure that they're okay. But I'm not going to protect them from everything just cause you can't. And those life journeys are experiences that
Speaker 1 (47:32)
But
Speaker 2 (47:48)
We all get to interact within our life and see where it leads us and how we're going to reframe and frame how we view it.
Speaker 1 (48:01)
Well, it's interesting when you were talking, you know, a lesson came up for me that I that really supported me in my life. And I'm sure you also is that learning how to manage our emotions was such ⁓ a key, key aspect to me going towards my dreams. You know, learning that I'm, I get to choose to
Speaker 2 (48:22)
Uh-huh.
Speaker 1 (48:31)
really ⁓ stopped my emotions from overtaking my life. ⁓ And because I was a very sensitive child, kid, adult, very sensitive, you know, ⁓ over a very emotional, ⁓ that embodiment of emotion took me out, that being an empath took me out.
I remember when I first started coaching, went to this thing and someone said to me, oh, you're an empath. And I was like, okay, yeah, I mean, I am. I physically feel other people's pain, right? I take it on and it takes me out. And then when she was talking about with the coaching, I was like, oh, if I allow myself to be an empath,
then I won't be able to have the business I want. dig. I was like, I need to work on this because what this person is telling me is basically I'm going to struggle so much in my business and in being a coach and working that angle because I'm always going to have this ⁓ embodiment of over emotions stopping me in my tracks. And I said, I
Speaker 2 (49:35)
That's.
Speaker 1 (49:58)
need to work on this. This is not going to happen to me.
Speaker 2 (50:01)
Great.
And it's such a huge thing, I think, for anyone in that helper field where we are coaches and therapists and ⁓ medical professionals that are teachers, probably. We are here in this emotional space. And if we are allowing ourselves to take on other people's emotions and struggles, it is going to tank us because it's just too heavy and it's not ours to carry.
Speaker 1 (50:16)
Because.
Speaker 2 (50:30)
You're absolutely right. And how it stops our forward progression of where we want to go with our goals, where we want to go with our life. Cause we're constantly derailed by everyone else's emotions.
Speaker 1 (50:44)
Yeah. So it's always something to look at. ⁓ you know, know, when it's such, ⁓ that to me was like big, that was a big aha moment. And I was like, I need to learn how to manage these emotions that have, you know, really ruled my whole life. Right? Yes. I think a lot of, know, there's something to say about the beauty of emotions, but there's always some, there's something to say about.
We need to learn how to live an emotional life that's like healthy.
Speaker 2 (51:22)
that is giant. Living an emotional life that is healthy. Because a lot of us don't have any idea how to do that because we've never had it modeled, we've never experienced it. You know, we look at how many adults are living through emotion and are reacting to whatever's coming at them instead of interacting. And there's a difference in there.
where we get to live in emotion, we get to still feel them, we wanna honor them. We don't wanna shove them down there, cause that's not gonna be healthy for us. But we also don't wanna be in a space where we are constantly reacting and overwhelmed and overloaded and, my gosh, everything is big. There is that space where we get to say, okay, I am sad, I am upset, I am angry, I am happy, I am whatever the emotion is coming in. And I have a power in a play
in how that presents in the world. I can feel really sad and angry and I can blow up on everybody and verbal vomit and be this giant volcano and super reactive. Or I can really own, I am sad, I am angry, whatever that is and honor that inside myself, but not have that spill over onto everybody else in my path.
Speaker 1 (52:43)
Yeah, I mean in my own household I had you know, there were polarizations. It was like the polarization of like Overreaction crazy than the other one of quiet silence. Yeah Yeah, and I was like Who do I choose? Mm-hmm, right? Yeah, I choose I don't want to choose that that's crazy So I'm gonna choose this the passive aggressive type. I'm gonna go do that
Speaker 2 (52:53)
Silent truth.
Yes.
A lot of us chose to be because that seemed a little bit safer. We didn't learn how to repair when we have rifts in our relationships and be that open space of like, okay, that didn't go as planned. Let's chat about that. Let's say I'm sorry for that.
Speaker 1 (53:12)
Hahaha! ⁓
Speaker 2 (53:40)
but there is a lot of, love how you brought that in, that we, there is a space where we can be healthy with our emotions.
Speaker 1 (53:49)
Yeah, it's a very important space.
Speaker 2 (53:52)
Thank you so much for this powerful conversation, Amy. This has been incredible. Is there any last thought that you would like to share with our audience? And then can you share if somebody wants to continue this conversation, how they can connect with you.
Speaker 1 (54:09)
Yes. Well, I'm going to share with your audience one of my favorite sayings that really supported me after the death of my fiance and going back to school and coaching, giving kids vacation business and whatever came after that. I just want to say that, you know, you are where you're supposed to be. Where is the lesson? What can you learn from being here at this moment?
Speaker 2 (54:36)
I love that.
Speaker 1 (54:37)
and
Your audience can get a hold of me. know you're to have the link on your page.
Speaker 2 (54:43)
⁓ Put everything down in the show notes.
Speaker 1 (54:47)
You can do amyshade.com and ⁓ Instagram is amy underscore shade, which my last name is kind of hard to spell, but I think you can see it on here. and it'll be connect with Amy and then on there we'll have all some freebies for you. And ⁓ you can take the quiz on that thing too. There's a quiz that I have for the four H's. perfect. In case you're curious. So you can also take that quiz and workshop.
Speaker 2 (54:59)
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (55:15)
⁓ on that page that you have in the show notes. ⁓
Speaker 2 (55:19)
Perfect. Thank
you so much, Amy. This has been an amazing conversation. What a powerful conversation with Amy Shade, full of wisdom, warmth, and reminders we all need. As we close today's episode, I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the insights shared, the power of curiosity, the practice of self-love, and the importance of being the creator of your own experience. Amy reminded us that we don't need to earn love. You are all
Speaker 1 (55:23)
You're welcome. Thank you, Landy.
Speaker 2 (55:48)
ready, worthy. And by turning inward, honoring your emotions and letting go of the need for external validation, you get to unlock a deeper connection with yourself and with others. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend. I would love if you left an honest review on Spotify or Apple and let me know your biggest takeaway over on social media. And remember, growth isn't about perfection.
It's about presence, curiosity, and courage. Keep embracing your journey, living with intention and embodying the love you seek. And because I think is so powerful and so resonant with today's conversation, I want you to know that you are loved. You are smart. You are creative. You are strong. You are fabulous. You are worthy and you are deserving.
and you are making a difference in somebody's life without even knowing it. I love you and I like you and I am so grateful that you are here in my life. I wish you all the happiness that today brings. Hey, before you go, just a little bit of legal. This podcast is designed for educational purposes only. It is not to replace any expert advice from your doctors, therapists, coaches, or any other professional that you would work with. It's just a chat with a friend, me.
where we get curious about ideas, thoughts, and things that are going on in our lives. And as we're talking about friends, if you know someone who would benefit from the conversation today, please share because I think the more that we open up these conversations, the more benefit we all get. So until next time, give yourself a big hug from me and stay curious because that's the fun in this world.
