Intimacy after baby
Sex.
It used to be fun, but since having a baby it’s more of a stress. It’s not comfortable. You just are not that into it anymore. And you're wondering why.
We are all wired to have an accelerator and a brake when it comes to arousal. We tend to focus on the accelerator way more than our brakes.
Let’s focus on the brake, because that’s the biggest issue for moms.
There are two sexual brakes.
- Safety- if you don’t feel safe with the person, place, or situation you will feel a big brake. This is like the foot brake on a car. Once you hit this brake you are not going anywhere.
- Worries and stress- This is like the parking brake. You can still go, but you're not getting anywhere fast or efficiently.
So what impacts the second brake? All of our mom worries. Not feeling sexy. Worrying about how we look. Worrying about pain. Feeling rushed. Listening for the baby. Stressing because there is so much to do like the dishes, laundry and other daily tasks. Not being comfortable with a sexual act your partner wants to do. There are lots of things that can hit this brake.
Before babies we often had less of these worries. With less pressure or no pressure on the brake it was a lot easier for the accelerators to work and for you to enjoy intimacy.
So if you are just not that into it, but you want to be, start looking at your brakes.
What can you remove as a brake? Sometimes just taking away one of the things sitting on your brake can make a big difference.
If pain is one of your brakes, reply back and I will send you a self-massage video on how you can soften your c-section, tear, or episiotomy scar and help end your pain.
Being intimate should feel good and be fun. If it’s not let’s figure out why.
Lots of love,
Landy
